Monday, January 20, 2014

Kite Surfers could say they are part of the Salt Family

They are mostly shooting over the water rather than submerging themselves in the water , yes they leap into the sky but do they remember to ask the holy salt water beings and creatures to remove congestion in their bodies, probably not ! For my group Taking the Salt is a Sacred Ritual. We also swallow a few shots of the water for cleansing of the inside organs. More secret benefits ! Sshhh.... 

Ahh Home!!

There is a small secret Salt Lover Society on the East End of which I happen to be president! To join this club is easy for some but impossible for softies, or Woosies. 
No matter what conditions are - the water invites you to jump in and take it. It has a deep purification benefit, all misdeeds , negative thought forms and things you don't want disintegrate in the salt! Also it 's free once you buy your kit!
One has to stay amused in the winter somehow ! 

If you can't warm up get colder!

My swim buddy and I jumped into the same body of water a day later and the ice had all melted magically away.

I decided 2014 was to be my year of No More Knuckleheads and Love Myself More. On top of that I added Keep Swimming!!! Find new challenges and see what one body can handle. 

I hope to keep at least one of these resolutions. Our fingers and toes went quite blue but we certainly felt alive after! Water temp 36 degrees prompted my wee sis to beg me today,"Do not swim alone in the ocean we don't want a drowned sister". The Long Beach bay is about 3 feet by the edge and as Jim said "the great thing about the bay is if it ever gets too raw, you just stand up and walk out." 

What could be more dramatic than white on white on white

We borrowed Biscuit, Aileen's tea cup pooch for the photo shoot. Well according to Paris Hilton a mini pooch in the arms is a gal's best accessory. Worth a try and it meant I could finally show off my well known animal loving skills and charms. Biscuit has demanded a cut if the shoots get noticed, a business woman like her owner . She looks coyly off to the right leaving center screen to me. No doggie dungeon for her ( I did not say that).

The Scottish Princess and Beat the Polar Vortex

2014 marked the year the frost came after us with a vengeance , for many the so called Polar Vortex, meant an excuse to stay home and warm up with the latest Vudu or Netflix series but for me it was time to play ! 

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

I scrambled out the window thankful for the skinny jeans but regretting my nightly 3 marshmallows and lemon wafer cookies. Almost there, I could see the garden, freedom!

I hid behind a tree. I made it. My white cords had some mud stains but other than that I was none the worse for wear. A bit shaken emotionally. But the ghouls, ghostly laddies and Skellys must find their supper elsewhere tonight. 

I am free! I saw others lining up to go in. I hope they have no traffic offenses. 

Another lad chef in training with a giant axe. Holy Moly!

I see her she is mine. Who needs video games when you can have the real thing. C'mere tasty morsel, broth ingredient, over here!

For a lad he was super aggressive. He obviously did not practice Metta Bravna, LovingKindness.  

My moment had come it was soup or escape. 

Everything was going blurry as my eyes teared up. Where were the other visitors , did they only let one in at a time. Right enough I had not seen any other folks getting their scare on since I entered. I

Woe is me! What is the wee laddie up to? he is coming right at me with a knife and a skull . Yikes! I must hasten oot the windae! Dry your eyes lass, be brave think of Wee Mumsy in the castle at home. 

Hairy passed out from too much booze and broth, they sent me I am the chef in training. Where is that Princess in the maroon leather jacket from Intermix? 

Champ, champ, where is our dinner !

How much longer must we wait!

The diners are ready! 

Hairy, hurry before she escapes, a Skelly chuckled from a blue room just outside.

They were everywhere , everyone was hanging up against me , I hate that. I thought of Tenzin Robert Thurman and Sharon Salzburg from Tibet House and their new book, "Love your Enemies." I guess these hungry diners count as outer enemies. When I saw the chomping teeth I could not wish them well or send them thoughts of Loving Kindness, not a chance. May the ghouls be well , may they be happy, may they live a life of ease. Yes , yes. I know that is what the Dalai Lama would say in these circumstances but I am not quite that evolved yet. 
Ahh an open window. Quick quick princess! Squeeze through. 

Hairy are you asleep, our dinner is climbing out the window. 

Ahh our dinner is here at last. We scoffed up Olde Mother Hubbard, she only gave us 8 servings and now the Houslings want more! Yes! We have our eye on a tastier more curvy younger dish! Har ! Har! Hairy, she is in here all ready at the table. Princess this is a good cause, you will feed many deserving ghouls and Walking Dead Wannabes.

Think of it as a beautiful sacrifice! You had never any luck with the laddies anyway so why go on. Shall we call it a wrap !! 

Hairy in here with the cleaver now before she hoofs it. I am starved and Hubbard was bony and chewy , hardly gourmet fare for a festive holiday , the Princess looks much tastier. 

Don't struggle,it will all be over in a second. 

Gosh, what will become of me and my blog faithfully written for many years for all my loving and loyal subjects. My life flashed before me, it was one failed romance after the next. I can't go yet with no decent happy scenes to send me off to The Promise Land. I looked for an escape route or a Knight to rescue me. Fairy Godmother, anything would do. I knew I had a bad feeling about this place and I was right about that ghastly witch all along. Darn it, one day I will follow my gut instinct but oh no being a Scot I could not leave without my $20 value for my scare. That will learn me, it is all too late now! 

Help! Anyone! Cuddles from PEX ! 

Cor Blimey, it was old Mother Hubbard from Schiavonis right enough, I had heard you got a DWI last week. Poor thing!

All that was left of her was her head and her white hat she wears for hygiene at the deli counter. She looked very cross too at being turned into a broth ingredient and who can blame her as let's call a spade a spade it is not a very nice way to go.  I don't want to be the one to have to tell her family. No way. They make us princesses do these hard jobs as someone has to do it but I am a bit of a giggler and I know it would come out all wrong. 

Well I had seen enough and surely I could not complain that I got a pretty good scare on for my $20. Time for a sharp exit methinks. I just had my hair and nails done and not a snog yet for the night was still young so there is 2 good reasons to avoid being a broth part. I had no wish to follow that poor lady on the chair. No Siree!  

We brought the remains of the broth you love in for you, Dearest Princess. Sit ye down, said a skeleton at the end of the table.

Just as I expected that delicious broth WAS full of body parts! Yuk! A hand, a foot, a bloodstained torso, and two heads, I guess there is no need for a bay leaf! Quite ghastly and to think I had enjoyed the very same broth only moments ago. Quelle horreur!  

The cauldron was boiling away, and it had that look of needing more ingredients. I can only hope the person who had ended up in the soup was not a poor soul who had not paid their parking tickets as they are very vigilant in Sag Harbor and I know traffic offense is treated very seriously. 

I mean a raw brain on the table, could they not have disguised it a bit with some lettuce or wasabi or something. And whose brain was it?

No offense, Houslings, but I am a strict vegetarian, although Scottish smoked salmon with freshly ground pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice is allowed, and I don't eat brains. Is there anything else on offer?

Err I think you forgot to set the table

The long table had an elegant white dining cloth with a lot of wine or was it blood stains. On the table itself was a spider, a lizard, bits of brains and guts, eyeballs, the usual Halloween fare, certainly nothing suitable for a Princess and a vegetarian one at that. 

I did not see any other diners, was I supposed to be eating alone, that's not much fun.  It was more fun stealing the broth outside. 

Welcome to the Dining Room, you are here at last

The old fisherman statue was wrapped with a red string for some reason. It was not exactly enhancing and possibly even unnerving. His expression was one of glum boredom. He seemed to stare vacantly into space. He looked like he had lived through one to many Haunted House transformations and it had all got quite simply old. 

"Princess of Scotland or whatever you call yourself, please sit down. You are late as usual and we are all gathered and ready and it is that time now. Your place is naturally at the head of the table."

Wow, I thought they never said dinner was included in the $20 scare price. Things must have got competitive in the Halloween activity sphere in Sag Harbor and now they are throwing in dinner as part of the experience. Nice touch. I for one will never refuse a Free Lunch, despite what they say. I hope they are serving the ghoulish broth, a second portion will surely heat me up and warm my cockles after all the shenanigans with the Bodiless One outside and his ne'er do well cronies.

Come Princess to the Dining Room, all the Houslings are clanging their forks in readiness

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Meet Aunty Mabel, she has been playing the same three notes for years.

You too will soon learn to appreciate
Her doleful ditty.

"Finally dinner is here. Let me sharpen my knives.

Princess, you look a tad skinny. I hope you have not been dieting, we have a lot of mouths to feed here and the thought of blue blood has all the household licking their lips."

"Who me, dieting? Not on your nelly. It is the rag and bone skinny jeans, in your days the women wore corsets, today skinny jeans hide a lot of evils. But why such an interest in my diet? It is nice to show an interest in what I eat, but no need to worry about me I have a reservation at 9 pm and will be stuffing my face about 9.05pm. Now Hairy One, no need to grab me so tightly I know you are excited for me to meet the other " Houslings" as they seem to be called . But must you grip my hand so fiercely?

SP , leave grandpa alone. He is stuffed after his supper.

Follow me please. Forgive my nightgown stains, just a few leftovers from our tasty dinner.

Well young lassie, did you have very raw steak as that looks like blood stains on your gown? And you are awful peely wally, pale. Staying up too late? Homework , Netflicks ? Facebook ? A lovely girl like you needs her beauty sleep. I hope grandma is not giving you too many chores.

Chores! Humph ! My main chore is catching, I mean, preparing supper .
Come and meet Hairy Harry. He is one of our cooks here.

Gramps was slumped in a chair. But he was not snoring.

He looked quite out of it , I can't imagine my screams would bother him, he is too far gone himself. I gave him a smile but he remain slumped. I guess he over ate.

"Good evening Madame Witch, may I mention your black gown and just got out of bed hairdo are very fetching.

Thank you for the gracious welcome. I am of course a little hungry but it is nothing a roasted eggplant and mozzarella pasta down the road can't handle. I do look forward to meeting the Houselings. Where should I start?"

"First is grandpa. He is sleeping soundly as he always does, after his delicious dinner tonight. Please try not to wake him. If you do scream as you go through the house, keep the volume down as he is a light sleeper and gets very testy if woken unnecessarily."

"Ssshhhhhh.... There he is at his chair, dear thing."

As I tentatively opened the door to the Whaling Museum haunted house, my hands were shaking.

What evil, foul, bad breath, half dead zombies were awaiting me?
I did not have to long to wait for the first creature. A ghastly, manky grey haired witch floated down the bannister.
"Welcome dearest Princess. The Haunted Houselings have been eagerly waiting your arrival, the fateful night has come at last. I do hope you are hungry. Word is you have a penchant for the Bodiless One's soup, divine , isn't it? The good news is we have more tasty surprises in store for you . Hopefully you did not spoil your appetite outside. HAR ! HAR!"

Hmmmm..... I mean of course one always likes a decent welcome, but the witch's words had a sinister, fishy undertone I did not quite like. I mean of course I was hungry, as basically I am permanently hungry and live from meal to meal. When I am eating one meal, I am busy planning the next. Isn't everyone like that? Yes, I enjoyed the broth or you could say I survived the broth unscathed. But what did she mean? Was she planning to hijack my dinner reservation at Tutto? Or join me? I can't imagine an evil witch at your table would encourage handsome strange men who also happened to be eating at your restaurant to befriend you , never mind try and take you home if they saw that was the company you keep. Despite these misgivings the Princess kept her cool.


Thursday, February 07, 2013

" How do you like the show so far! Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good."

Do you think I could be the next Larry David, all the others want Walking Dead and Game of Thrones , but I am a Ladykiller , suave, sophisticated,love a good Cheateau Neuf de Pape. I want to star in Curb, help me too, I will even get you a spoon for your broth and you can come as my date to our Hamptons Cauldron Soup After Party,quite a riot so it is."

"What a kind offer,Sweet Statue. I will surely think it over as I walk around.
Let me hasten inside now, Dear one."

Who is to say he wasn't eyeing my limbs for his soup. He wants to kidnap me and pop me in the magimix. Well you can't be too sure. I wasn't chancing it , sweet talker or not. Yes it was my best offer for the night thus far but the night was still young with more thrills inside no doubt and creatures to meet.

He always misses his target, that one. He tries to knock my head off every night, always misses.

So glad you enjoyed our little broth, fit for a princess. Let's see if any powers are bestowed upon you. Good luck lass. Now move along please or none of the rest of us will get to our own helpings if you are here all night.

I dropped the twig with a dramatic flourish. Fear not, I have a reservation at Tutto, your soup is safe.

However the soup thing had such a hype I really was dying to try this ghoulish concoction, what if it gave me magic powers and I could make any man I saw fall madly in love with me with just one wink? This might be what has held me back all these years - lack of supernatural powers. If I missed the chance I might regret it. Be brave SP! Distract the Soup Protector and all could be yours!
Oh Ghoul, the Bodiless One asked that you scratch his nose, he really has the most annoying itch. Please help the poor thing.( the old ones are the best, everyone falls for the itch ploy.) He is just back there, writhing in agony.
Well the Ghoul turned around to help his buddy, and quick as a flash, I picked up the twig and dipped it in the cauldron and tasted the soup. It was delicious, such a unique flavor , the pigeon claw gave it a je ne sais quio aftertaste , divine! So fast I dipped the twig in and had another taste. Quite the best broth ever. So smoky. I was licking my lips when you know who turned round , realizing by now that the Bodiless One had no need of a scratch at all.
"You dare to eat our soup! After all that was said! Well I will roast you in hell and add your limbs to the next batch!" He tried to punch me , but he missed. I dodged out the way and ran towards the house. No soup was worth being turned into an ingredient Yourself. Although I am sure I would have made a fine soup, I had still to get my $20 scare on.

Did you not hear the bodiless one?? Lay off the soup!

That is to go around 30 ghouls and we hardly get a spoonful each as it is. I do love the way he makes it too, we all do. He adds a sprig of thyme , a bit of this and a bit of that , never the same, and we all huddle around and have a good gab at the end of the night when you paying morons go home or to your lame Halloween parties. Some of us are quite well known now what with all the interest in the half dead these days so there's always good stories to share. Now, gie's us that twig and go on and get Your scare on or whatever it is you are here for. Run along. Leave the soup , drop the twig. Get it!"

Oy, you! leave our dinner alone!

This stew is reserved for the Ghouls, after they come off their shift, they are starving. Move along, you are holding everyone up. There are lots of perfectly good overpriced restaurants in Sag Harbor, no need to eat our food.
The ant dropping, pigeon claw,crab leg bouillon is quite superb, but not for the likes of you. If you must get involved stir it why don't you. As I am mostly just a head that simple act is quite a challenge, still one improvises. A nose, stirs quite well but can get burnt if soup too hot."
I picked up a twig and stirred the soup. It actually smelt quite good now I knew the ingredients were not body parts. Ah,it felt good do my good deed of the day and help this poor fellar out. I looked around to see if anyone was watching my noble deed, so I could get more brownie points and be more loved, but not a soul. A wee taste would not hurt, I never tried a witches brew. I wonder if it is in Zagats at all, this brew. I would give it a nice score, help the ghouls on their road to fame.

A cauldron with smoke bubbled and boiled.

I peered inside hoping to see a bats wing or some fiendish ingredient. It really ponged.

It really looked like a haunted house.

Luckily I was ready as nothing could be more scary than Walking Dead.

The whaling museum was all lit up.

It looked quite eerie. My knees trembled a fraction at what was before me, I could handle it surely.

Round about Halloween all the local ghouls like to make their annual appearance

Sag Harbor, being a historic whaling town, has more than it's fair share of frightening creatures who should really have stayed in bed and spared us the freak show.
This one here can't decide whether to make his appearance or stay in bed.

I tried engaging him in some pleasant small talk.
"Welcome Ghoulie Chops! Do please join us and tell us your story or go back below ground but this half in half out lark is disconcerting . Come, what will it be?"
"Leave it out Princess. Must you always interfere with everyone's lives , whether they are alive or dead? Even dead you still boss us all around . I for one am not one of your so called LLS , nor do I plan to join that clan.
For me I like the Walking Dead Group myself or the Walkers from Game of Thrones or that new movie Dead Bodies or whatever it is. We half dead are back in fashion with a vengeance ! We are everywhere these days . No need to stay underground when you can be a movie star! I am auditioning for to be an extra in one of these shows. Can't wait! Must do me hair a bit first and get the ghoul look right.
As for my immediate plans , I am heading to the Whaling Museum as that is where we Walkers gather each year to scare the living daylights out of dopes you like you , who even pay to see us. What is it $20 now. Bit of a rip off and we don't see any of that dosh.
I must write to my union and complain.
Wait, we don't have a union. Well the ghouls should rebel or pop out in spring that would shock you all! Har!"

"Ghoul, you don't scare me a bit I hope your mates do a better job. Good luck with your acting career. I know a few folks out West if I can help I surely will. "
I dropped my card is in his hand and strode off, hoping for a bigger and better scare and value for my $20.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

But you are not Goldilocks she had blond hair, Said Cuddles.

"No I am not. But she happens to be my first cousin and she told me after she regretted eating your porridge ( it was lousy and lumpy and tasteless) and sitting in your wooden chair and snoozing in your bed. She forgot her contact lenses that day and she thought she was in her own house," I lied. "A simple mistake! She told me to tell you she is sorry! Now move on, free me right away and give me a cuddle! The night air has chilled my bones and I am freezing and aching! "

"Free her! Do it now ! Forgiveness is the key to happiness! " piped in Roland the Rat who had been watching it all. " I don't want her round here, she never stops whining and disturbs my peace! Only you has the strength to pull off those shackles! Once you free her you will symbolically be setting yourself free from your past tyranny of women! Free her and free yourself from
The Chains of Oppression and set an example to the other bears! They look to you for guidance ! " he snarled, giving me a sly wink. Who knew Roland was such a philosopher he must have been taking the workshops.

"I must do it! Step aside all! Cuddles the Defender is here!"

With one deft punch with his paw he broke the shackles and I was FREE! Hurrah ! He cuddled me to warm me up. My ordeal is over at last!
"Love me tender, love me true!" Cuddles was a fine singer indeed, chunky, manly or bearly, strong, heroic, he had everything I was looking for in a man! Ok so he is a bear but that is a minor detail! Wee Mumsy will love him after he raves about her porridge I know it! All will be well at last !
"Elvis Cuddles Bear, you are my hero! Wait till I tell my cousin Goldilocks she was wrong about you all these years! Thank you! Ring out the bells I am free!"

Did you mean me, Fair Lady? Elvis Cuddles Bear to the rescue !

Stand aside critters and cowboys! An injustice has been done to our princess and she must be freed tout de suite so the bells can ring out again in Ramblewood.
Cuddles was magnificent, brave and bold I could not ask for a finer Bear in shining armor. Also he was big! And sort of scary, well not really. His Elvis suit was a little tight and one of the buttons had popped out. Nothing the royal chambermaid could not fix of course.
"A mission at last! All night I have wandered around looking for the little girl who ate my porridge to tell her all is forgiven, let's be friends and settle centuries of rivalry. Are you that girl, did you eat my porridge? I just did a meditation compassion and forgiveness workshop up at Kenny and Sheila's Chemistry Sanctuary and I was told I must move on from the porridge incident. That was delicious porridge and she had no right to eat my plate boy, if I see that lass I will maul her to pieces! " said Cuddles.

"Cuddles, what about your workshop! Did you spend two hours there and learn nothing ! You can make a fresh pot of porridge it is my national dish I will make it for you, with mushy raisins, hot maple syrup , granola and a tad brown sugar and a little guava jam as a sweetener! Wee Mumsy's recipe is unbeatable and all my loving subjects eat their porridge like that. Goldilocks took some of your plain lumpy porridge that was already cold, not such a loss! Come on get over it! You must share my porridge with me! Sharing and making new friends is better than squabbling! This is your big moment to live up to your name, croon me a song, free me and we will eat a steaming hot porridge together! You and me kiddo!
What do you say! "
It was certainly the best speech I ever gave and the fact that it was said with tomato dripping down my cheek and my neck killing me deserves even more points.

Cuddles stood for a moment, deciding which way to go, drop a lifetime struggle or not, I could see my porridge recipe intrigued him.

"Cuddles, the guava jam is so tasty! You will be in heaven! Come on free me and watch out for Sheriff Zen, he is in a foul mood as he lost at cards and is taking it out on me."

Then suddenly from out of nowhere I spied a potential rescuer! At last!

I beckoned him over in my sweetest, most seductive tone, using my most lilting of Scottish brogues.

"Oh, Cooeeeyyyy! Hey you Elvis! Yes, I mean you! Mr Handsome Chops! Look down! Look right! Over here! The stocks!"

Saturday, November 17, 2012

"Smirking, sly smiles out the corner your mouth,gloating..try that for starters,"snarled Zen

"Not I. I was just thinking about a gag from Roland the Rat was all. This is pure evil, putting me in here. Some passers by could not resist squashing a rotten tomato over my face,they thought it was a great laugh. Let me out of here! Please I have lots of dough in the coffers, just set me free. Someone rescue me now. Ppppllleeaase........"
I thought the stocks was something they only had in museums, now here I am stuck. Oh, if only I was back in my prison cell it really wasn't so bad.

Friday, November 09, 2012

An hour later Zen rolled out the saloon.

He was looking pretty pissed and from
what I could see not in a mood to be tampered with.
" Darn, that cheating louse beat me again, I knew I should have never believed his bluff."
"YOU, what you laughing about insolent wench. You think this is funny.
I'll show you who is boss around here.
You thought the jail was scummy, wait till you try the stocks! That'll learn ya."
He was looking right at me and Roland had scarpered under an old arm bone of a prisoner gone by. I had only smirked the tiniest bit at the thought of him getting beat, but it really set him off.

He hauled me out of what was now seeming quite spacious and luxurious cell quarters, grabbed his keys, my arms and in two shakes of a donkey's tale I was in the stocks, for all to see and mock me. Oh, the injustice of it all, could this Day get any worse. Son!
"Zen, what did I do?" I wailed.

No sore loosers please

It seems it could be just as dangerous inside as it was outside.

A game of craps , winner takes all looked quite enticing.

It seems the stakes were high and any funny business was not recommended.

Step right inside Dearest Sheriff Zen, what tickles your fancy ce soir?

Inside Stefan Spins the proprietor of this upstanding establishment presented the guests with their options for fun for the evening.