Adventures of a Scottish Princess

I loved Night. I wanted it, I opened my wallet and started counting my change.

2012-01-20T09:18:00.001-05:00

$43.27. I had only $1700 more to find.

Maurizio, this is my favorite too. Hold it till tomorrow whilst I count my penny pile.

We oohed and aahed and schmoozed some more but eventually it was time to go. As we headed out to The Standard Hotel to finish our night, Aileen wasted not a minute getting back on topic.

4? She asked eyebrows raised?

Ok 4. So he had drunk too much wine at dinner, so he was slurring his words and hard to hear over the din of the other diners. I had to lean over to the high chair which was uncomfortable and awkward. To top it off, he made me split the bill, you know I don't tolerate that, it amounts to instant cancellation in my world.

Plus I had to pay for his cab phone. And the coup d'état, he made a lunge at me whilst I was carrying him and stuck his tongue down my ear, no questions asked as I was literally tossing him into a taxi and had the nerve to say, what a fantastic night Princepessa , are you free tomorrow?

At least there wasn't a grope though? Aileen smiled. I hope there wasn't a 5.

5, there was a 5 and a 6,7, and 8. But let's just end it at 5 and talk about anything else. What did you think of Night, back there?

Finish it girl? 5?

Ok. Here's 5. He was wearing Roots sweatpants.

Ok, I got it 5 strikes and you are out. The sweatpants seals the deal. That Muppet is Toast. But you might change your mind when you see him in his movie. Did you get the Comps at least?

No, he didn't even come through on that one. Said he gave them to his sister.

Ah,another one bites the dust. You know what they say, All's Fair in love and War. She put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder as we headed up to the rooftop lounge at The Standard.

Did you check your Daily Matches for today yet? Anyone lined up for tomorrow night? Don't give up SP, he is out there but maybe next time try someone your height at least.

And so ended Morris. I still want to see the Movie though.....

I see you met my Geisha Girls, Willy and Nilly

2012-01-20T08:57:00.001-05:00

Aren't they adorable? Yours for a song tonight! They go back to Italy in 2 weeks as I am Maurizio the artist from Firenze. Enchante, ladies. I am glad you like the show.

Hi Maurizio congrats this is fabulous I love them all. Tell me can you switch Willy and Nilly off at night or do they always talk at will. It could get annoying, no?

Of course you can't switch them off, can you switch yourself off , you have been chatting all night with Aileen here , so why shouldn't they talk?

Come see Night, my favorite. He beckoned us over to the other side of the small gallery which was teeming with folks.

We come as a pair, $3000 for us both

2012-01-20T08:51:00.001-05:00

We look fabulous in the Hamptons, NY lofts , even your office. Buy us now, we don't want to go back to Italy we love NY!" they chimed in unison.

Italy ? I thought they were Japanese? Wow, they talk too, I think that could get annoying their voices are too high and they might never shut up.

I love these two ladies only $1500 each, a bargain after the Damien Dots

2012-01-20T08:47:00.001-05:00

They would look fabulous in your Gramercy pad,Aileen.

We nipped into a Japanese photography show en route.

2012-01-20T08:46:00.001-05:00

It was a great distraction from 4 as we schmoozed with the artist and gallery owners.

I love this one! I wish I had room and a spare $750k to snap it up.

2012-01-20T08:44:00.001-05:00

3? Aileen seemed more interested in 3 than the dots.

Well 3) so we got to Cafe Mogador on St Marks where we had to wait 25 long minutes for a table with more whining from you know who and then they insisted on putting Morris on a high chair. It is simply not sexy when your date is on a high chair, how can you take him seriously? I kept wanting to do the baby feeding weaning my sisters do and cut up his pita and lay it out on his tray in neat wee squares.
Plus Morris never stops talking about all his issues! We weren't at Zuccati Park anymore we were on a date where the attention is supposed to be focused on moi! Moi! SP! Yours Truly! Not Miss Piggy for president and how her campaign is going. I know all the Muppets will vote for her, but what about the rest of the US? Plus he made me cough up $50 for her campaign funds and towards the pledge to end frogs legs in all NY restaurants, in the middle of dinner and I had to sign 5 petitions. It was a bore and a drag.

Ok, 3 sounds bad, quite bad. She sympathized, nodding whilst taking in a giant salmon pink colored dot.

There wasn't a 4, I hope. Did he go for the end of the night snog and grope?

Let's go down to 21St for the other show , I need some air, I said, avoiding 4 best I could.

Ok, so you left, so? What was 2)

2012-01-20T08:29:00.001-05:00

We wandered round the show, chatting in low tones so as not to disturb the Young and the Beautiful Art Hipsters.

2) it gets worse... He did not tell me I would have to carry him all night on my arm and he was heavy and combined with carrying my own White Prada rucksack my back was hurting shlepping around the city carrying him everywhere like a giant baby. It wasn't sexy at all carrying your date, and he kept complaining I wasn't holding him in the right way. He was whining about that, the nasty weather and the fact the Sequel to the Muppet Movie was postponed and never once asked me about me.

And 3? She asked.

Wow, Damien's Dots are sublime!

2012-01-20T08:21:00.001-05:00

300 Dots are on show tonight, Hong Kong, Rome, London, Gagosian triumphs again.
On every wall, were dots of all shapes and sizes. They were beautiful seen all together was quite exhilarating.
Aileen each dot on that picture stands for a problem with Morris. Where do I start?
1) well it was a freezing NY winter night so we started at a cool East Village bar, but as he is so small they said he needs ID or he has to leave they didn't think he was 21. Although he proclaimed to be a famous movie star the bouncer was not impressed , No ID no cocktail we were told. He forgot his ID so we left.

Don't you love these giant map paintings?

2012-01-20T08:13:00.001-05:00

Look there's Scotland , the rotters, they made it very small half the size of England, don't you hate that?
Hand me that juice of the vine? Is there any seats here?
I took sip of the plonk for strength then realized I had made a mistake and grabbed my mini Colgate sticks to take the vile taste away.
Aileen we still have two Damien Hirst Dot paintings shows to see, don't you think we should get moving, it is 7.15pm already.
I did a few body swerve's off the Morris topic, but she was not to be deterred.
"Out with it you" she said. She can be quite forceful sometimes and doesn't take any nonsense.

A few days later my Weegie (Glaswegian) best pal Aileen and I were on the Thursday night art circuit in Chelsea

2012-01-20T07:58:00.001-05:00

As we wandered round the shows, attempting to drink undrinkable cheap white wine, we caught up on the week's dating events and stories...

"So how was it, with Morris the Muppet, will you see him again?" she asked. " You have been kind of quiet about it, and I know you were excited , more than I have seen you in a while what happened, SP?, spill the beans, Sweetie", she said, with an encouraging warm Scottish sympathetic smile. She happens to be a top therapist in NY which makes her a great eat but sometimes her advice is hard to swallow.

"Cheese, say 99%", said Matt, my blog photographer to the new Muppet Support Team

2011-12-28T17:28:00.001-05:00

"Hey Princess, you are cool and quite sexy too! Thanks for caring about us Muppets, means a lot. Want to come occupy my tent later tonight and we can have a little Muppet Cha Cha Cha!
You can help me rehearse my speech for tomorrow's workshop, Making New York More Muppet Friendly. It has 40 Occupiers enrolled already and as you a vegetarian you may have some ideas how we can ban Frog's legs from the New York menus once and for all. What do ya say, Princepessa, Honeybun? " he winked at me most suggestively for a Muppet I thought.

Well I was of course free that night and had no Match, Ok Stupid or JDates lined up. I do prefer tall guys normally but one had to admit Morris sure had some pizzazz. His patter was better than most too, I wondered if the coach gave Muppets a discount as well as the Under 5's. Would he be a good kisser? He certainly did have big lips, could be promising, and had to be more exciting than Netflicks again.

"Let me get back to you Morris, but right now I have to get back to work." We exchanged Facebook coordinates, smiles and I got another flirty wink.

Well at least I can be the first of my friends to date a Muppet and maybe even score a free ticket to the movie. Things were looking up in my world at last, I knew my support of OWS would lead to something romantic, but a Muppet, ah well life is full of surprises.

Was he Jewish? What would Wee Mumsy say? At least he was a working muppet and had a good role in the movie. Was he commitment phobic? Was he a player, a jerk, or a mensch?

As usual my mind started racing but I hoped back on the 6 train with a smile on my face.

I see you met Morris the Muppet, said an older black guy who beckoned me over.

2011-12-28T17:05:00.001-05:00

He in fact is one of the most vocal Occupiers here at "Liberty Park" and he has certainly put Muppet issues on the map, who knew the Muppets were suffering so much!

Under paid, unemployment at 99%, the Muppet Movie is a start but we need the sequel , the reality show, the radio program, the Iphone App to get Muppets back to the popularity they once had.

And then, the sad thing that no one really knows about,is that their precious little body parts are being eaten at restaurants, it is disgusting! Poor Kermit and all his cousins are in hiding most of the time, in case any of these pompous French New York chefs nab them for their tasty legs, it is just not safe to be a Muppet anymore.

When I came here I wanted to protest about racial discrimination at the work place but meeting Morris here showed me I got it pretty good. So now I am helping Morris and the Muppet Community get their voice heard. Did you read Page 36 and 37 of the OWS declaration, all the Muppet issues are clearly defined."

He pointed to the Declaration.

"Yes, I read it," I lied, "pretty shocking actually. Now that I am writing about it in this here world famous blog, everyone will know and we can spread the Muppet message together, plus all the free movie publicity. In fact, Morris do you mind posing for a picture, love the OWS peace sign top, so it and you got today's must have revolutionary look down to a tee! Groovy."

Hey Princess don't forget me and the Muppets! We feel sore too about a lot!

2011-12-23T17:25:00.001-05:00

The muppet was holding the OWS Declaration. Believe it or not there was a Muppet chapter at the back.
What do you have to say, Mr Muppet?
Surely life is cushy being a muppet?

"Are you kidding, we work like slaves on our TV Show and now we are promoting our movie, which is the funniest movie ever made if we could get people to go see it. No one respects muppets anymore they want Gameboys and IPads instead! Bring back the Muppets! We are the answer!

Reduce working hours for Muppets!
All people over 3 years old are to go to the new Muppet movie at least twice and bring their friends!
Miss Piggy for President!
Down with Frogs Legs in restaurants!
99% of Muppets are unemployed , make more Muppet movies !

He was very focal , another one. The Muppets were in on it too. The only segment not protesting as far as I could see were the plants.

Was there any person, being , baby or animal that had not turned into an Occupier?

2011-12-23T17:11:00.001-05:00

Dogs, babies, it seemed all were welcome and taking a role and making a stand. Making themselves heard!
Plus they all had wish lists! Santa are you listening ?
You could drop all your baby paraphernalia you did not need right there in the box and know it was going to a worthy cause.

Free baby food for all! Free child care support for working mums! Cartoons 24 / 7 on all channels!

2011-12-23T17:04:00.001-05:00

Leave sugar in baby food so it tastes nice!
Cut Nursery school hours to 2 a day and the rest playtime !
Free milk for all regardless of class or color!

Out of nowhere the baby started spouting off with all her own issues. She was pretty articulate too. Her OWS for Dummies looked quite well thumbed.

Well now I was feeling very inadequate beside this Smartie Pants Toddler, I must have a word with that coach. We had better double my sessions, I was falling miles behind, everyone !

Just sitting near the drummers was an OWS fully fledged family, complete with revolutionary baby avec peace signd

2011-12-23T16:38:00.001-05:00

Yes it seems the movement had spread and they were getting them young. The baby looked happy but was not yet spouting any revolutionary gems.

"Did you take her to the Non Violent Communication Empathy Loving Coach, I hear he does half price for the under 5's. I highly recommend him, my dating witty one liners have definitely improved although the coach says my political gems are more like mushy peas and not quite biting enough."

I popped $5 into the baby nappy collection box. How will she go back to the calm of ordinary life once this excitement is all over , sometimes it is not good to expose them to too much too soon.

The parents seemed quite happy and told me not to worry as she was the youngest member the powers that be were cutting her some slack. But they assured me she already had a hectic workshop schedule and had signed up for Marx and Trotsky for Beginners and she was already at the third chapter of Occupy Wall Street for Dummies.

Ah, the future generation are so with it, they don't miss a beat. In my day it was Black Beauty and Enid Blyton, I always wished I was a famous four member. Now the youth have bigger fish to try, fighting the battles for the 99%. My only wish is that she peppers her speeches with a few jokes as the general call and response diatribes out here are very dry and could put one swiftly to sleep.

Errr , excuse me Sir, Mr 1%, hellooooo!!!

2011-12-23T16:28:00.001-05:00

He ignored me, but as he had turned into stone , I tried not to take it personally. He was not communicating with anyone at all not the police, not the Occupiers , not the tourists or bystanders or gawkers. He was totally fixated with the contexts of his case, forever it seemed. I wondered how the police would move him out as he looked kind of heavy.

In all the Mayhem of "Liberty Park" he was the one silent voice, a banker, a worker bee, a cog in the wheel, a bona fida member of the Rat Race.

Would he ever make it to that important meeting, get on that global conference call, answer to the board?

Who knows. I had my own theory as to his fate.

Methinks he was an early pizza eater and one of the first to get the NSA poisoning, sad as it wasn't meant for him at all. That what happens when you leave boxes of poisoned pizza around willy nilly, they don't always get the right target. A bit like a drone plane I guess.

I was getting nada from him so putting my hand on his stony shoulder I wished him well and hopped along.

Amidst all the organized chaos, tents, and crowds of 99 % was one lone banker

2011-12-09T17:33:00.001-05:00

He was sitting going through his briefcase as if nothing was unusual at all. The strange thing was that he had turned quite, quite into stone and did not look well in the slightest.

I had not heard that Medusa was in the crowd , and if she was how odd that only one person got hit and yes that was the 1% chap. Do you think he had eaten something that did not agree with him? I ventured over with the hope of finding out more.

You talking to me missus? This is my solo! Find another spot to schmooze, this park is big enough for both of us.

2011-12-07T22:47:00.001-05:00

I guess he had a point. I exchanged Gmails with We're Unclear and moved on. A smile on my face.

The Drummers drummed on relentlessly.

2011-12-07T22:43:00.001-05:00

How was I supposed to have a private tete a tete with We're Unclear with all this racket going on?

I like your sign, can I hold it too?

2011-12-07T22:35:00.001-05:00

Next minute I was doing my new favorite thing, sharing a sign with a handsome, witty, hopefully single bloke. Things were looking up, who needs workshops?
I tried to look serious and 99% angry like, but I was having a blast. I looked for his number at the bottom of his sign, or his gmail, nothing. Obviously not a player. Perfect!

We're Here. We're Unclear. Get used to it. # Occupy.

2011-12-07T22:28:00.001-05:00

I liked this sign a lot. Yes, sign envy was coming back on strong. If only I had thought of that. This had the same ring as "Down with this sort of thing." Cheeky! Thumbs up.

Yes everyone was tucking into pizza willy nilly.

2011-12-07T22:25:00.001-05:00

I hope they will still be looking so healthy in a few months, but I will never know.

Princess, what have you got against pizza, it has all the staples for a healthy meal,"said a painted warrior.

2011-12-07T22:23:00.001-05:00

The sign warning against the NSA slow pizza poisoning from last week had long gone.

"Trust me, you don't need the empty calories , the chili is a better bet."

I left it at that, I can't save the world every day. Nobody listens to me anyway about anything so why would this be any different.

Hey love, cheer up, have a bite of pizza, it's delicious!

2011-12-07T22:20:00.001-05:00

Yikes, the pizza! I know things are bad but I am not quite ready to commit Hari Kari with slow death by pizza poisoning.

"Kind Sir, the pizza is not recommended may I suggest you try the veggie chili instead? "

The Animal Zone also had a wish list

2011-12-07T22:01:00.001-05:00

Leashes, jackets, snacks, wet food, toys,doggy bowls...
I deposited a carrot from my lunch into the basket.

It got me thinking about the SP Wish List.
Boyfriend, 2nd Date, Diamond Ring, make that large diamond ring, free flights to Scotland, Boyfriend, oh , I said that already. Boyfriend for all my single friends and family. Make that well behaved boyfriend. That should do for starters.

Now where should I set up camp. Prospective boyfriends line up here..... I knew OWS would have a space for me and my deserving cause.

This pup has been here since the start, he keeps me safe!

2011-12-07T21:58:00.001-05:00

Well I never sure enough a Doggy Occupier! What next!

Wow Occupy Paw Street, they even mobilized the dogs. Impressive!

2011-12-07T21:54:00.001-05:00

But how do the dogs hold a sign up? How do they show their loyalty to the movement, a few well placed barks, a few bites for any aggressive policeman. I guess they will find a role.

Ok what have we got that would help me.....

2011-12-07T21:37:00.001-05:00

Substance Abuse... No, but if things don't improve I could be leaning in that direction, save that one for later...

Non violent communication .... I tried that, I was hopeless, yes 2 - 3pm , but the man was totally lacking in empathy despite his sign.

Think Tank, that must be the Pizza Lady, she and I had an altercation last time I was here. That's a no.

Yoga and Meditation - ok yes!

She meant no harm coppers, come on lass, did I show you the workshop schedule yet?

2011-12-07T21:34:00.001-05:00

One of my friends jumped in before I got into any more trouble. He moved me along rapidly before the cops got more fed up. They think the Zuccotti Park Occupiers are a handful, they should consider their job easy compared to finding a second date in this town. First dates are easy but it is making it to a second where everything seems to go wrong. I think I need a workshop or two or twenty.

Did the cops have to get involved?

2011-12-07T19:38:00.001-05:00

Princess, that poor unemployed joiner from Atlanta wants his sign back. You are not supposed to steal from the 99%, even if you are going through a bad bout of "Sign Envy" the new 21st century malaise."

"Officer, you look familiar, were you the Bobby kissing in the Banksy mural? You are certainly handsome enough. I was simply borrowing the sign to make a point to the coach here on how NVC may not work for dating. No harm meant. Please don't arrest me! In fact can you go and visit the culprit and tell him to pick up the bleedin' phone."

"We are quite busy down here at Zuccotti , not sure our duties stretch to date chastising!" they laughed non empathetically.

Coach I feel I need to retaliate I am not taking this lying down

2011-12-07T19:33:00.001-05:00

I grabbed the sign out of some poor unsuspecting Occupier.

"See, how do you feel, I speak up!. I am taking this sign as a personal message. Demand respect now and if a guy is a jerk, tell him, loudly." I smiled sweetly.

This non violent communication style may work great for politics, but according to the author of Why Men Prefer Bitches, the no nonsense approach garners more respect and better behavior.

I suddenly spied my old friend the coach

2011-12-07T19:30:00.001-05:00

I had paid for ten sessions and finally was turning up for my first one. The coach had expanded his repertoire to include non violent communication techniques and free empathy.
I started to drone on about my latest Match date, which I thought was a hit and then all I got was deathly silence. "It was so disappointing, I can't understand it, I thought I was the full package and then some. Should I text him? Call him a total jerk and loser for blowing me off? Is there a non violent message you can recommend ? In fact what about a tad violent to show you don't mess around with me and live to tell the tale?".

"Young lady , I am sorry to hear your date was a bust. I am here to help the homeless, the jobless, the hungry, the disillusioned, the fed up, the up in arms 99%, but the boyfriendless, I am not so sure. Re the angry text, do yourself a favor, do NOT send it. Move on and stop whining."

Hmmmm, I am not really feeling the empathy here.

God Less America

2011-12-07T19:07:00.001-05:00

Well clever play of words, that person must have been to coaching. I still have not managed to come up with one original slogan myself.

I know the point of signs was not to make others feel inadequate but some of them did.

Occupy for Innocence showed a photo of a fed up little girl.

2011-12-07T19:04:00.001-05:00

She was protesting too high school fees, too much homework, the price of ice cream, it was hard to say.

The new tough world had cost her her innocence. It was a damn shame. Maybe she will be forced to work selling newspapers, like in the old days. One just had to ponder the various nuances. So I did.

Back to OWS for the fourth and final visit

2011-12-07T19:00:00.001-05:00

There are over 1000 global occupations including one in Glasgow Green . Here this smart chap did not need to bother with the hassle of making and carrying a cumbersome sign, he just wrote on his jacket! Does it come out in the wash though?
I don't think I have a jacket I am ready to sacrifice quite yet. Maybe three years ago Prada I am tired of.
I asked him if I could write Glasgow Green on his jacket but he said no, the rotter.

On the way home from work I noticed Fish and Eddy's the dinner ware store had joined the revolution

2011-11-28T23:53:00.001-05:00

Two of the Trendy It Signs were there in the window along with all the plates!

Were they suggesting that the 99% will enjoy eating their food more on these special plates which looked pretty ordinary to me. Or were they hoping to attract a new breed of customers, the OWS brigade. You could buy a plate to show you support the movement. Well obviously my coaching hours had not worked well enough as the connection made no sense to me. I think the shop just wanted to be considered contemporary. And then what?

Liberty lady was smiling

2011-10-28T23:33:00.001-04:00

I really wanted the headdress more than any of the signs. Where was that pizza just a teeny piece might knock her out for 20 minutes whilst I "borrow" her headdress. Ach, she looked too healthy. Never mind.

Then spread your ideas to the 10089 other Occupy Stations across the globe, wow good organization.

2011-10-28T23:28:00.001-04:00

The two lads looked very busy indeed, eyes all on the screen.

Excuse me don't let the Anti Apple Flag guy see you or there may be a problem. You pair look very healthy, what did you have for lunch?

They ignored me totally.

2011-10-28T23:24:00.002-04:00

Your Ideas
Your Solutions

You go straight there after the coaching when you get your ideas straight in your head.

She had some dramatic make up on too. I wonder if she does make up lessons too, better not ask.

I was walking away when I suddenly noticed she had written her sign on a USED PIZZA box! Oh no! Call First Aid. The pale face and dark eyes was probably caused by the slow poisoning.

Ma'm, please don't take this personally but we are walking over to Basic First Aid now. That empty pizza box is a little alarming, well very alarming. Please close up shop and follow me. I am sure they have some natural arnica or healing remedy for poison, they seem very prepared. How many slices did you eat? Hopefully not too many.

I grabbed her arm but she shook me off. Security security she cried. This nut here says I have been poisoned and I have never felt better in my life, the sweet air of Liberty Square is agreeing with me. Please remove her from the Think Tank station.

Wait,wait, the poison takes 6 months to work it is non traceable, just read all about it on the sign about the NSA. We must treat you before the poison kicks in, look at your dark eyes and deathly pale skin. Hurry , please! Death by pizza is a terrible, lonely way to go, may the NSA be forgiven for this crime against humanity. Who are the NSA anyway? They must have a big axe to grind.

Nonsense! I always look pale, you dope. Honestly these tourist occupy wannabes are wasting my time and energy. Please go, we have important work to do. I feel fine, trust me.

Don't say I didn't warn you, I muttered and strolled off before I was evicted from OWS. I give her three weeks. I can't say I didn't try and help.

Everyone was enjoying the delicious grub

2011-10-28T23:21:00.001-04:00

I hope they will all be OK tomorrow.

At the Food Station they were serving many things

2011-10-28T23:19:00.001-04:00

But no pizza.

You, you with the pink turban,what kind of sign do you think that is?

2011-10-28T23:17:00.001-04:00

Down with this Sort of Thing.

That's the best you got. Go straight to the coach . He is free tomorrow between 6am and 7am when I am Occupying Old Amos The Dude's tent. It is his only free hour. Book it now, you would be mad not to. You will never get girls with a non message like that.

Also could you please Smile. The man in the White Turban leading the Arm Exercises said everyone has to smile and breathe. Ps. What did You have for lunch ? Pizza by any chance maybe that is why you are so white and stern looking. Don't touch that pizza. No more how tempting the pepperoni looks.

He just moseyed along and ignored my rant and valuable advice. I was clearly not the figure of importance I once was.

My Occupied Wall Street Journal do you have a space in the paper tomorrow for a big new headline, Whatever you may do, DON'T EAT THE PIZZA.

2011-10-28T23:07:00.001-04:00

He scoffed at me. Do you think you are being funny? This is serious down here we have no time or room for these unconfirmed conspiracy stories.
You can't say I didn't try.
From the corner of my eye I could see someone gagging, choking, or maybe they were just clearing their throat getting ready to speak. Am I loosing it now? This OWS is getting to me! Coach! coach, when do we start, help! I am going nuts.

I went back to all the spots in the beginning gripped by a desperate need to save them all and so be the Hero of the hour!

2011-10-28T23:01:00.001-04:00

The old man was still reading from his notes, drone , drone, capitalism oppresses the masses, do something now etc etc. The crowd had defiantly dwindled around him. Gosh do you think it was the pizza or death by boredom?

How am I supposed to find Amos tent at 6am tomorrow, they all look alike?

2011-10-28T22:57:00.001-04:00

Yikes, I had better warn him not to eat the pizza too. Hurry, SP.

Merchandise and Printing guy

2011-10-28T22:54:00.001-04:00

Have a dollar but please don't eat the pizza.

He really needs some coaching

2011-10-28T22:52:00.001-04:00

Don't forget me when I will be an important name. Import Ant on two separate lines, no different colors, wooly egotistical message. No good , despite the fetching revolutionary garb and goatee.

Fine young Sir, or should I say Lenin to Be, may I suggest you sign up for some $20 coaching from the chap over there, he will soon help you get your message in order. I don't understand your sign and if I can't and I am a Princess what chance will the 99% have?
Ps don't eat that pizza slice it's poisoned , didn't you read the sign over there. It is a plot by the 1% to kill us all off, well you off. Currently I am a fringe comedy blogger and untutored or coached so not worth killing off.

There was a basic First aid tent at the back of the park

2011-10-28T22:44:00.001-04:00

I am not sure basic covers sinister mysterious pizza poisoning , perhaps I should offer my advanced mouth to mouth and Pranhic healing services here , I do want to be useful but last I checked even that can be ineffectual when it comes to Slow Death in a few months time by Pizza poisoning.

Help create a new economy - sign made after 5 hours with the coaching man

2011-10-28T22:37:00.001-04:00

It had lots of different colors and deep messages but you needed an hour to read it and whose attention span is that long these days?

What was the takeaway here I wanted to know, the punchy sound bite that will change my world and radicalize me? This sign dragged on a bit but looked pretty.

This sign warned off poisoned pizza which took months to work.

2011-10-28T22:33:00.001-04:00

Yikes all the OWS folk were going to die lonely deaths in a few months and no one will know why. You read it here first in this blog but please no one accuse me.

I looked around to see if I could grab some poisoned pizza from some at great risk handsome revolutionary and save his poor life but no one was eating any contaminated pizza. I guess they all read the sign too. Phew! One less thing to do tonight, life saving can be taxing, just as well.

Giant Rat lay on it's side with it's tongue hanging out.

2011-10-28T22:27:00.001-04:00

Not sure what was the message was but that was just because I hadn't had any coaching yet to get myself up to date with all the Zuccotti Park nuances and messages.

Gandi Quote. She must have gone to the Coaching classes

2011-10-28T22:23:00.001-04:00

Or maybe she got it from the library. If they can't turn you into a revolutionary here no one can.
It looks good for my next career ,all the tools are here. They will be calling Princess Trotsky in no time.

I asked the Coaching section guy where the Kissing Area was.

2011-10-28T22:19:00.001-04:00

I am here to turn you into a visionary and great speaker! Once you master that everyone will want to kiss you, you will wow the lads with your articulate profound messages. $20 an hour, interested?

Do you also offer Coaching for pick up lines and witty repartee? I asked hopefully.

Sure, we do all that, just sign on the dotted line.

I paid for ten hours on the spot, it couldn't hurt. Whatever it takes.
So now I am committed to being coached. Watch this space for revolutionary gems and brilliant thinking ....

Do You have an Extra Extra Small low cut super tight size for me? I asked the orange Tshirt lady.

2011-10-28T22:11:00.001-04:00

They are mostly large and medium but we provide scissors to cut them up and revolutionize them after you buy them. She was very understanding that a Large Tshirt was useless for me as I had no need for extra PJ's.

You can even shop for Hand Made Couture Occupy Wall Street Tshirts $15! A bargain.

2011-10-28T22:06:00.001-04:00

She makes them as you wait.

Also there is very good food available so I heard

2011-10-28T22:04:00.001-04:00

Come for the day, the night, lots to do, join the 99%. And it is free to come here.

If you did not feel like yoga there was a full revolutionary library to browse through

2011-10-28T22:02:00.001-04:00

Please do not remove from the library. You may get some clever sign ideas here as well as do an ideas sharing date.

A man in a turban was leading a yoga exercise class in the meditation corner of Zuccatti Park.

2011-10-28T21:59:00.001-04:00

Breathe. Smile. He said.

It was a catchy song see words below

2011-10-28T21:57:00.001-04:00

We're marching to the beat
Of Occupy Wall Street.
We're here to shout
We've been left out.
We're turning up the heat.

It was both a jolly and sad song and Bob Dylan I am sure would have approved.

My favorite part was singing the Occupy Wall Street songs with Paul Stein

2011-10-28T21:53:00.001-04:00

I wished him a good shabbas and soon a wee crowd gathered round him.

The flag had all the business logos on it

2011-10-28T21:51:00.001-04:00

Google, visa,Verizon , apple... The list went on. I took his photo with my Apple iPhone but he didn't object.

For some signs you needed a first from Oxford or Cambridge in Political Science to understand them

2011-10-28T21:49:00.001-04:00

Wake up and Take up a sign! Ok I understand that!

Majority of New Yorkers support OWS

2011-10-28T21:46:00.001-04:00

According to a new survey..
Blah, blah....Signs and more signs, yes yes but where were the other sexy sign holders was what I wanted to know..

Today's date. You don't bother going for a glass of wine, you share a sign together and schmooze and flirt whilst you get your photo taken.

2011-10-28T21:43:00.001-04:00

I can't wait my next date we are going sign sharing in Zuccatti Park as long as he makes it and I get all the credit. It was so romantic sharing a sign with Amos. I was really falling for him and his witty sign and we were almost sort of touching fingers under the sign ever so subtle like, but when I said let's Occupy Each Other in your tent he said no way, I am too busy meeting lots of red hot revolutionary girls like you to waste time hidden away in my tent . Four other girls just became my FB friend and if you could move along I see two other cute girls who want to take my photo. But if you come back at 6am when no one else is here , we can for sure Occupy my Tent , Princess Babycakes. My Sign card is pretty full till then.

Hhhmmmmph... charming. I am not biking back there at 6am and anyway how would I find his tent amongst all the others? Ok I would have gone back but the thought of knocking on all the many tents and whispering , Are you the Age of Hilarious Guy in there did not greatly appeal. Maybe some other hunk would have pulled me into his tent instead but the while thing seemed a bit dicy with the snog chances low to probably zero. Too Risky.

Later , Amos , I said all cool. I emailed you your photo so we can be FB friends and take it from there, thanks for sharing your fabulous sign.

My pleasure, he winked at me. But other people were pushing me along to take his photo, so I had to move on.

This is the Dawing of the Age of the Hilarious - Occupy Everything

2011-10-28T21:26:00.001-04:00

Call me Amos Fisher@gmail.com

Wow that is a good way to get your contact info over to someone sexy Without seeming too keen , you just put it on the bottom of your sign! And point to it. Nice one. Amos and I really bonded when I promised I would put him in my blog and lots of girls would go crazy over him and his funny cute sexy sign.

The speaker was droning on a bit too much for my liking

2011-10-28T21:22:00.001-04:00

A few folk wiggled their fingers when he said the word capitalism. But no kissing.

People were listening and repeating call and response to a dry revolutionary lecture under the red sculpture

2011-10-28T21:19:00.001-04:00

No one seemed to be kissing. How come I missed that part?

You can read The Occupied Wall Street journal should you have a minute to spare.

2011-10-28T21:17:00.001-04:00

On the cover was a young couple kissing! It could have been me! I knew that was half the reason people were here , the snogging opportunities in tents and in the square were boundless. Where is the Community Affairs guy when you need him?

The Occupiers were at tables, in tents, singing songs..,

2011-10-28T21:14:00.001-04:00

There was so much to do and see there is really no point in going to the theater anymore this is free, live and it is history on your doorstep. I wonder if anyone is making a reality show yet?

Gimme that sign it's big enough to share

2011-10-28T21:11:00.001-04:00

As usual I was making lots of new friends. As soon as I held a sign I felt much ,much better and more involved than spectator fringe person I was without a sign.

No more war

2011-10-28T21:09:00.001-04:00

A basic message, a basic sign. One of the 99 % for sure.

My token 1% real estate guy was still there from last week.

2011-10-28T21:06:00.001-04:00

His message a simple one. 99% + 1% / 100%. we are all one. ( two different colors).

He was the only guy in a suit that I could see, quite brave and dishy too. He seemed to be the only one from the other side.

We are not Bolsheviks yet...

2011-10-28T21:03:00.001-04:00

Said a wanna be Bolshevik

Can I borrow your Tshirt oh please please please

2011-10-28T21:01:00.001-04:00

It had two different colors and was well cool.

It's freezing man I wear this Tshirt sign to keep warm they say snow is on it's way, but if you really want it I will swap you for your blue wool coat. He kindly offered.

Not likely this is Prada. I told him sweetly but firmly, but he said it is only the 1% who care about labels now so I should surrender it.

At that moment politely I noticed a very good friend I had not seen in years or pretended to notice such friend and moved along before he got my designer jacket.

I like the new T Shirt Sign thing

2011-10-28T20:56:00.001-04:00

He looked a wee bit tired but cheered up when I said he would soon be famous when he stars in this here blog.

I could feel Sign Envy coming on again badly

2011-10-28T20:54:00.001-04:00

I wonder if they have support groups for that yet. Maybe I should start one.

Ron Paul says End Wars End Fed End IRS.

Not too much to ask really.

At the edge of the Park people stood in groups

2011-10-28T20:51:00.001-04:00

Showing signs , lecturing, being interviewed.

The Wall Street Bull, Bernaki , People need jobs

2011-10-28T20:49:00.001-04:00

This man's mural said it all. I asked him if I could borrow it for a photo shoot.

"Not a chance, lass. Make your own." Meanie!

There were lots of tents but no loos

2011-10-28T20:46:00.001-04:00

One protestor told me the nearby pizza place locks the toilets so folk can't use them. Now that is mean.

I must say the Protestors and Occupiers loved having their photo taken almost as much as me. Well not quite.

2011-10-28T20:44:00.001-04:00

Occupy Everywhere. Community Affairs sat on the wall and did a perfect peace sign. I asked him if he would be interested in having an affair with a member of the community, as East Village is sort of neighbors to Wall Street well 20 minutes by bike.

I am not leaving my perch but try me later,he said. Ok things were looking interesting already. Now who else?

The first thing we say were lots of coppers across the street

2011-10-28T20:40:00.001-04:00

No tear gas, no rubber bullets everything seemed calm luckily as I was not in the mood to be imprisoned as I have a costume party tonight.

There were Star of David's inlaid on the doors

2011-10-28T20:37:00.001-04:00

I was feeling very heimeshe down at the Shul but Michael J sped off so I had to follow.

Of course we took a wee detour via Elderidge Street synagogue where we said a Chamotzi and shared some fresh raisin challah

2011-10-28T20:34:00.001-04:00

It looks like a Sephardi Shul to me, said Michael. The ornate mosaics and decoration were magnificent.

Hurry SP OWS awaits, stay to the right and don't fall off your bike

2011-10-28T20:31:00.001-04:00

On the way we raced through Chinatown.

All the real action in the US started in the Brookfield property , Zuccotti Park

2011-10-28T20:30:00.001-04:00

Follow me everyone ...... I took a bike ride down with Michael J for my second visit tonight.

Revolution was in the air......

Keep Things Precisely As They Are

2011-10-28T20:27:00.001-04:00

Leave Well Enough Alone

I'm Good Thanks

Change Schmange

I've Got Mine

Yup, I knew it as soon as I wrote about this whole make a cool sign in my blog everyone got into it and next thing I knew The New Yorker had done a whole thing about the 1% Fat Cat Wall Street Bankers who from what I understand were getting sign envy themselves.

Change, Schmange was my favorite of the Occupy Occupy Wall Street movement signs so far. The 1% are fighting back too! No one wants to be left out of the Protest Action and who can blame them, it is fun to make a noise and have a voice and be part of a global movement no matter what side you are on.

2011-10-17T02:03:00.002-04:00

Watch out for tics, another smaller enemy. Right Ladies to business. Let's have our OTP meeting now.

Hrrr hhhmmmm.... Agenda item 1-

1. Who is wearing what to the Hamptons International Film Party at SolE East tonight?

2. What are we bringing to Nadia's party and can we share a gift to save money for the OTP Fund?

3. Who is bringing the guest towel to the OTP rally next Saturday?

4. Sign making. Who is making the new 99% sign, (anyone but me, I have a lot of bodies of water to occupy with my swimming protests before it gets too cold.)

Hey, who knew I am quite good at this. I am going to need a whole new camouflage wardrobe. Did you see the new Pink Dior camouflage bags in the NY Times today? Perfect item.....

Let's get AC and central heating for the Teepee.

I found a local ancient Native American tepee. We can make this the OTP HQ!

2011-10-17T01:51:00.001-04:00

Brilliant idea, Linda.

10 minutes later the girls were back at Trout Pond which was lovely and peaceful and not a protestor or occupier in sight.

2011-10-17T01:49:00.001-04:00

Well I guess we have to make our own 99% signs for next week. Laura I assign you that important task. Please use five different colors and make it reversible my dear. I will do the carrying of the sign and posing for the press. Sound fair?

Quick Comrade Laura and Linda, retreat to Trout Pond, enemy approacheth.

2011-10-17T01:43:00.001-04:00

I dropped the bloody precious sign that I was just enjoying holding and scarpered as well advised by the young lad, taking my followers with me.

Luckily the crowd hid me and although the old lady looked high and low for me I was gone, or should I say MIA , Missing in Action.

Hey Princess, the old lady is on her way back and she looks pretty miffed.

2011-10-17T01:37:00.001-04:00

You had better scarper fast, said a young boy on top of his dad's shoulders, both carrying matching signs with important political messages.

Evict fossil fuels , it is time to clean the park.

I want the government to listen to the people, read the lad's sign. Smart one he was.

I turned round and sure enough the old lady looked very irate. She was marching towards me, frowning keenly, as sprightly as a 20 year old! Yikes. The old folks get too much sea air. They are way too healthy.

The sign was mine!!

2011-10-17T01:30:00.001-04:00

I got all the kudos for a great sign with none of the boring work in making it. Who is better than the SP, who beats the system every time!

I am so good at The Occupy Rally, maybe they will make me the chief speaker next week and a handsome boy will spot me and I will be the gal who wins his heart......

Check out my new profile pic on Match.com and Facebook in the meantime.

Free bread and butter pudding ! With Vanilla ice cream! I said to the old lady with the much coveted yet another super cool 99 % sign

2011-10-17T01:24:00.001-04:00

I'll watch your sign, hop along you need nourishment at your age out in the cold. Please their bread pudding is legendary.

Oh, what a delightful young lass you are, don't mind if I do, just watch my sign carefully it took hours to make with four different colors. I am starved this Occupy Hamptons is exhausting at my age, but more fun than bridge. My son made me promise I would not get arrested.

Mam, did you just say arrested? The coppers are on their way , I just got a revolutionary tweet from a comrade, go hide at B Smiths and stay safe.

So off she toodled , licking her lips at the thought of the free pudding, ( oh dear) leaving me in full charge of her sign!!! Victory!

Hey you are full of energy, said the lady. Check out our sign it is reversible !

2011-10-17T01:15:00.001-04:00

Who needs reversible jackets when you can have two signs in one! Even cooler the other one had the same famous Zuccati Wall St occupier slogan that I saw in a New Yorker cartoon on Monday.

We are the 99%.

Yeah this is the It Slogan that no one knows what it means exactly yet it means so much.

We are the 99% who like ice-cream !

We are the 99% who hate getting up early!

We are the 99% who work harder for less money than you Wall Street softies!

We are the 99% who ride our bikes to work!

We are the 99% who want to find a fantastic boyfriend to love and adore us till the end of time.

We are the 99% ... blankety blank.

You just fill in the blanks with whatever you like and you are off and you can be an occupier!

Free Bread and Butter pudding for all Occupiers at B Smiths. Hurry whilst supplies last. I pointed to the nearby Sag Harbor famous restaurant.

2011-10-17T01:05:00.001-04:00

Poor lass you look exhausted with the strain of carrying that heavy, heavy sign. I will take the left side, ease your weary limbs. They are serving twig tea and nutmeg bread and butter pudding to the protestors at B Smiths, I lied, if you are peckish, I will watch the sign whilst you are gone. I ever so nicely in the style of the Kol Nidre Robot outside Tokyo 7 , ever so nicely pushed her off her end of the sign , pointing to the restaurant across the street. Go rest, replenish, breathe.

Main Street Yes, Wall Street No! I shouted in my most exaggerated Scottish brogue, press where are you?

Linda, Laura, over here I waved to my friends , take a picture, i need a Facebook profile action shot.

Lady we are supposed to be sharing things now, kindly let go of the sign... But she hung on firm, rotter. Where is the Kol Nidre Tokyo 7 bouncer robot when you need him.

Jacques, borrow that lady's sign, she won't miss it for a few minutes whilst the press are here.

2011-10-17T00:55:00.001-04:00

It read - It is not a recession, it is a robbery. Another one hiding behind a big sign, where's the bravery in that I might ask.

However the message was clearly Deep with a Capital D. Wish I had thought of that. I wish I could rob her of her sign, then she really would have something to complain about.

I noticed my friend Jacques in the crowd. He had no sign.

2011-10-17T00:54:00.005-04:00

Instead he smiled and did the peace sign, apparently satisfied with his contribution to the movement.

Jacques, I hissed, Urban Zen are making signs I heard, only $299 each, run and grab us two good ones oh please!

One of the leaders of Occupy Hamptons had 5 agenda items on his sign

2011-10-17T00:54:00.003-04:00

The items were listed in Roman numerals making them seem more important. The items themselves included blah, blah, blah type of things like introductions, speeches and announcements, a tad run of the mill and I wanted to encourage him to put something bit sexier on the list, like all single men over 30 to kiss the SP and all her friends until given the order to stop, but there is no way I was going to be the only one wiggling my fingers facing the ground showing disapproval.

Everyone was shaking their fingers and I noticed no one disagreed on anything the leader said.

2011-10-17T00:54:00.001-04:00

They may have been too shy or embarrassed to point their fingers to the ground and shake them as they would look too silly.

So overall consensus seemed to be the name of the game.