The SP decides if she is going to Iraq and is now at risk of either ending up in two even pieces if the Wild and Wicked White Jester performs his garden party piece de resistance trick -

or being kidnapped by a hooded terrorist faction that speak no English or Scottish,

it is absolutely time to hire her own personal bodyguard, Ernie the Enigmatic Elf, whose courage and skillful axe welding techniques are legendry in the mythical world. One hopes he will be a match for all or any barbarians, whatever their garb or preference may be.

Ernie is also well versed in getting reservations at the toughest and newest restaurants in New York and even has secured last minute appointments with Frederick Fekkai's top colorist, who was ready and willing, at the SP's command, to have a go at the Wicked Witch from Nanuet, Rockland County, disastrous hairdo,obviously before the Witch stupidly tried to boil the SP in her Le Creuset cauldron ( but that is another story, see earlier blog for details).