Roberta, pick me I am on Spacebook. I love you, you are so fit and sexy, what a body, let me at it.

"Who are you, Terrence Typobull Man, by any chance? Do you think you have a chance with Roberta, she is the hottest spacerobot princess in New York, what have you got to offer her?", I asked Terence from the Pace Gallery window on 25th Street and 11th Ave.

He gave me a pathetic wee bullish roar, and spun his wheel and tapped his feet. "It has been a bull market and I am very good at stocks and shares, I can help her make money so she and I both can escape these lousy gallery jobs with the hideous long hours and I can whisk her off to freedom and help her find a good mechanic to get her legs and arm back again. I think she would love that . Ok I am not so hot looking but I am smart and loyal and my eyes are only for her, my Roboqueen," he sighed with a lovelorn look in his wooly eyes.

Why are the rich clever nice adoring ones always geeky? It seems the Robogals face the same problems we have.

"Look Terence, I think you have a chance, shave your beard, work out a bit, get on Spacebook and befriend her and take it from there. In every cool chic there is a damsel in distress waiting to be rescued, I like that angle, it is fresh. You have got a chance, if you just do what I say and whatever you do don't dare roar at any other gals, Roberta hates that and look what happened to Roger."

He nodded in agreement, wisely, his woolly eyes sparkling with hope and fervour to get his gal. Now why can't I get that kind of enthusiasm from the dopes I meet.

Strolling away I noticed in a gallery window in Chelsea, Robotwoman Roberta, she flagged me down.

"SP, were you just talking to my ex, Roger, over at DVF, how is he doing, I had to dump him, I couldn't stand that wandering eye of his. I thought I saw you talking to him just there."

"Roberta, you had better rescue him, he is a prisoner to a DVF superwindowmodel tyrant, she is beating the hell out of him as we speak. Can't you do something, I feel kind of bad about it, I started it."

"SP, don't you worry about him, he deserves all he gets, this wandering eye thing has become intolerable to us all and you should join our ranks. I am proud of Madame DVF, she did us all a favor with Roger, although I hear his training is challenging, but hey you have to start somewhere.

I am very fit I work out every day stretching my muscles and oiling my springs, I am looking for a new Roboman myself , no aliens, no skellys, just a hot Roboman who can keep me company and oil my springs when the gallery closes. Do you have anyone for me?"

"Did you try Spacebook, I hear all your lot are on it now, why don't you search through Roger's friends and see who you get? Spacesnoop, you could call it, that's what we do."

"Excellent idea, I am on it, I just hope I don't end up with some wimpy softie sleazeball loser like Roger, thank god he is out my life for good."
She flipper open her helmet and reached for her iPhone which was in a very snazzy metalic glittering case, I was rather envious of and started tapping furiously.
"Roberta, where did you get the snazzy case?" I asked her.

"The gallery gave it to me, I will try and get you one but you will probably need to be an exhibit like me first."

I looked at her body, she was missing an arm, a hand and both her legs below her knees. Eehhhh, maybe not. My case will do.

"Roberta, don't worry about the iphone case, it is so cool and special and unique like you, you should be the only one who has it. If I was you I would show it in your profile pic, help you meet a new Roboman."

She liked that idea and started posing with the case in her metal glove.

I scarpered before the gallery owner nabbed me. That Robofreak cripple look was not for me.

I replaced men with robots a long time ago

Meanwhile over at the ever trendy meatpacking district down on 14th street and the west side, the mannequin at Dianne Von Furstenberg had set a new precedent. She had traded men for one over sized robot!
As an extra precaution she had him on a lease in case he tried any funny business like Old Skelly. She was very much the femme fatale in charge, calling the shots.

"Hey DVF supermodel, is this your date? Tell us more." I asked the sexy window model.

A typical New Yorker she got straight to the point.
"Dianne keeps us on a tight schedule travelling around the top global fashion hubs, I don't have time to waste. My robot knows what's good for him, which is to serve me, and only me, as and when I need him. I don't tolerate two timing robots. He once tried to stray to one of the other Russian DVF superwindowmodels, chatting her up and giving her electronic winks when I was on a power nap, it gets tiring standing her 24/7, boy was he so busted.

He learned the hard way that I don't tolerate that nonsense and now he only has eyes for me."

"I guess the long chain helps in that regard. I like it, I must invest in one of these myself. Do you think a bicycle lock would do?" I asked her.

"I will speak to Diane to see if she has a spare chain around. It is this seasons must have item. Here at DVF we all switched to Robots, we find them so much more amenable and they fit into our busy lifestyle. Ps we all think you should dump Ally the Two Timing Alien, a total waste of space, or at last chain him down, you must whip these chaps into line immediately, it is really the only way."

She had a point I had to admit.
When the superwindowmodel closed her eyes for another quick power nap, I hissed over a whisper to her Robotman Boyfriend thing.

"Excuse me Roger Mr Robot, we haven't heard a squeek from you are you happy being tied to Madame DVF like this? It seems a bit controlling, no?"

"Quite the contrary,Miss SP, I am delighted. I was out of line and got rightfully punished and now my Madame knows she can trust me she is calling on my services very regularly and keeping me very busy. Also next to her , I am hoping a movie director might notice me, in this prime spot here. With Avatar about to be released I am hoping for my breakthrough any day now. I mean isn't New York filled with movie directors?I admit I still wink at the window shoppers, but don't tell Madame or she will shorten my leash.
Ps Ally says hi, he is my Spacebook Friend, the new Facebook site for aliens and robots only. He is pining for you, don't give up hope."
With that he gave me a sexy lewd wink and froze again as Madame was waking from her nap.

"Was Roger talking to you just there , I thought I heard his metally twang, he had better not be is all I can say!" she barked slightly ferociously. Roger lowered his metal head meekly.

I walked away from their domestic squabble , when I turned round sparks were flying and poor Roger was getting a right mouthfull.

You know what I am not sure that this relationship model is quite the one for me after all, I surmised. Still it may be the way of the future.

Tired of hip hop and ipods and noisy dance parties playing the same old stuff you have heard a million times before? Yes, yes, yes, I hear you say.

Bring your own entertainment to parties instead. This white wolf is a fine pianist and plays the golden oldies and Beatles classics you actually want to hear in a dignified,manly dinner jacket. So you may have to take a trip to the North Pole to hear him or if your metro card does not stretch that far, you can stand outside the Bergdorf windows on 59th Street and Fifth Avenue and catch a few tunes.

Judging by these windows, men are slowly becoming redundant and our animal friends are doing a fine job of taking their place.

Best of all, standing beside them, we have never looked better!

Can't find a taxi in the snowy, tourist filled, Christmas season rush, then take your own ride. What better way to get around than your very own horse made entirely out of grass? In an evening gown, one wants to make an entrance, make a statement - arriving by horseback is a dead cert. It is also better for the environment. Climate change is on everyone's lips these days. People are going back to the old, greener, more planet friendly ways of times gone by, where you hung out nappies to dry.

These windows have a message. It is clear for all to see. One must respect our animal friends and start bringing them into our modern life, to help us live better, get around, ward off pests, etc, etc.

The Bergdrof Goodman windows are exceptional this year, and what struck me so profoundly is that the beautiful elegant women in the latest designer fashions were all paired off with animals rather than real men. In my blog I have been noting for many years now that the dearth of single, attractive men in New York, has driven women, many like myself, to entertain options in the animal kingdom as a sensible dating alternative. Doggy dates were all the rage a few years ago but it being the holiday season, polar bears are now hot to trot.

This lucky gal has two manly tall escorts, fierce, protecting her from puddles, making sure she gets into restaurants she wants,skipping lines in front of clubs and generally giving her an elegant, distinctive look, most eyecatching and original. If sleazy guys annoy her , she can simply flicker her eyes and the polar bears finish him off with a roar and a slash of their giant furry paws.

Also being a New Yorker so therefore clad in black, their gleaming white show off her clothes to perfection.

"Ah but what about dinner conversation with the bears?"

Thanks to new technology created by the cartoon team of Up, the bears wear special collars when our lady wants to talk to them that will allow them to talk, mostly though she prefers peace and quiet and only a few well placed roars,if a taxi has it's off duty light on and she needs a ride.

Is this the future for our despairing single gals out there?