At the Pex summer festival, another Skelly Fashionista

Stop smirking and thinking you look cool with the Skelly cartoon shirt. They own you now.

Of course, I was totally ignored as usual. Wow!The Skellys are capturing folks all over. Ok, it is a cool shirt but is it worth the risk , I don't think so. Do you?

I went to buy a CD in Times Square and I saw the Skellys had taken over the store with their trendy new label, Skullcandy.

The store was closed. Very sinister, where were all the nice employees that used to advise me what to buy. All gone! Possibly grilling batwings this very second, who knows, poor things. The music business now infiltrated, what next. We will all be forced to listen to their terrible heavy metal bone clanking, teeth chattering annoying music.

This is getting serious, folks.

At the osteopath's office, a wee Skelly, was standing unashamedly on the reception's desk, like he owned the place.

"What are you doing here,go back to your smelly lair where you belong. This is a doctor's office where people come to get better.They have no wish to be abducted and carried off to be slaves. Be off with you, Mini Skellywag."

"Mam, are you feeling ok, are you talking to me? You are 10 minutes late and Dr Dempsey hates to be kept waiting his schedule is so tight. I see you are admiring our new friend, Stuart Skelly,sweet how he greets everyone and helps us get all their particulars when they come in, helpful wee thing."

"What he takes people's names so dangerous. They could be abducted through the night. Put him in a cupboard and lock it shut."

"Oh Princess, what drivel you speak, leave our mascot alone , he calms all the patients nerves and we have agreed to let two of his compadres in to help him. Hurry , doctor is waiting."
As I went through to be twisted into shape, Stuart Skelly winked and leered. "Gotcha this time. Any change in address, by any chance? Har de har!"

"None of your business. Nice try,I will never tell you a thing! Huh!". I stormed off, whilst the receptionist turned to her colleague..."How rude that girl
is, New Yorker's snotty and superior attitudes never cease to amaze me, what did Stuart do to deserve that abuse. Poor Skelly was only doing his job, and doing it well I might add too! Stuart, hope she did not upset you. We think you are doing great and can't wait to meet your friends.This office will be so efficient soon thanks to you and your friends, we can go home early !"

Stuart gave that toothy Skelly grin but under his breath I am
sure I heard him
whisper except none of you will be going home. Har! Har!

Those poor folks, little do they know.. Ah well I tried.

Very worrying Skelly Fashionista's are appearing all over New York

Please can someone tell this fine, upstanding young man that once you wear the Skelly face logo , they own you forever and expect you to be their slave, dancing to their underground kitchens to prepare batwing delicacies.

"Young man, you may think you look cool but you are in grave danger. Please take the T-shirt off and throw it away or burn it even better." I warned the lad in my most serious Scottish accent.

"Not on your nelly, crazy lady with weird accent. I am the coolest kid in camp with this t-shirt and will wear it till mum ruins it in the laundry like she does to my other best shirts.

But I did see a Skeleton skulking around my bedroom last week , I thought it was one of my games coming to life. When I shooed it away it hid under the bed. I see more scary things on my Game Boy than that. Should I be worried, surely not?"

"Surely yes! Burn the shirt, tonight." But he did not seem
to believe me and ran away to join his pals. Another one gone, ah well, hopefully he will heed my warning.

As if Skellyfighting was not enough , a Flatiron bus stop had this cheery message scrawled over an ad.

Bin Laden is back.

I have hardly had time to miss him yet. Is this the Bin Laden resurrection? Can't he stay dead a bit longer like most law abiding decent citizens do? Another Rotter! Bin Laden do us all a favor and stay dead!

Ps Mr BL, if you are alive whatever you do , do not team up or do any JV's with the Skelly crowd. It is ten years since 9/11 and no one wants any repeat shows here. Plus I don't think batwing souffles are your thing so there is probably no point in wasting some perfectly good suicide bombers for the Skelly cause. Is it true your wife took a bullet for you? Is she back too?

If you have completed your resurrection then just keep it quiet if you can. People are worrying about Greece and Italy and you are last year's issue, let them worry about something new at least.

Your phone was tapped? Murdoch knew your hiding place all along and tipped Obama and it would all have been revealed in the News of The World if it had not been shut down. Well now I am telling everyone on this here blog, oh how the SP loves a good early scoop. Gosh on second thoughts, maybe I should keep my trap shut. Who will believe I knew he was back from
a poster on the Broadway and 20th Street bus stop? I hope I don't have to shut my blog down now, the LLS would run amok, tears in the streets, revolutionary vigils all night long , bring back the SP blog, all is forgiven. The ensuing chaos may tip us back into recession, we are teetering pretty close as it is. On closer look I think the poster simply says,Bin Laden is crap. Yes, that's it....well a few wee scribbles and that is what it will say soon. Ssshhhh , don't tell anyone or I will be arrested for vandalism . I will just say I am
Banksy's summer intern ( preparing for me lead role in Exit through the gift shop - The sequel .)

A Skelly Mug , leering away at me right there on the dance altar, surrounded by keys and sunflowers!

Had they taken over Tammy and turned her into a batwing frying, grimy blanket washing slave, poor thing, the first one to be felled.

You Skelly Rogue. What have you done to My dance teacher and what are all those keys for?
Ps. I am not fooled by the sunflower stint on the altar, we all know you are a total evil Skellywag.

Ah, do you like my sunflower chapeau Madame Princessa? Tammy picked it for me. We both thought it was rather alluring and yes she makes a damn fine batwing souffle if you must know. Har! Har! Har!

The Skelly knew he had me cornered by infiltrating my Sacred Space and was totally smug about his victory.

I will be telling Tammy the dance floor is to be Skelly Free , go back to your lair. Where is it by the way, I can escort you there myself in case you get lost. New York can be a scary place late night even for a Skelly. Are all these your front door keys you must have a big place or you are security phobic.

The Skelly was no dope,"Don't think you can trick me that easy to taking you to our secret hideaway. Nice try,next time be more creative than flat asking for it. These keys , my sweet Scottish Angel are the keys to all those who have surrendered their homes and joined our Skelly Revolution Movement. About 30 of the dancers in this room are already mine! Har, de har! Little do they know they will soon be my slaves and where I come from the only dancing allowed is to the kitchen where they can dance whilst concocting gourmet batwing dishes. Tammy is trying hard and her souffle was pretty good. Tonight she is preparing Batwing Gazpacho to cool me down after the class, so thoughtful!

He went back to looking at the dancers , he looked like a dish himself with his sunflower hat decoration. Did Tammy know the grave danger she was in. Oh Woe is me!

It may come as no surprise that the whole Skelly thing is getting old

Especially as no one ever found the Leader's Lair, although Glasgow Granny came darned close.

One does what one can to escape the Skellys and relax. For me dancing the Five Rhythms at the Joffrey Ballet is a great time to shake it loose and jump around and dance away the cotton wool stuffing that takes up most of the space in my brain.

This week before I entered the sacred space my thought as I submerged myself in movement and dance meditation was "Phew, at least the dance class is a Skelly free domain. Thank goodness for Tammy's class."

I hopped, skipped and leaped over to the weekly alter and would you believe what was awaiting me? No money prizes for this one folks.

Oh SP , I have no idea what the snogging lark is but my school pals tell me I am a dab hand on the Sax. Let me serenade you instead.

Stand at peace yourself whilst I play you a HP solo number I just recorded in the Mugwarts music room.

He started playing his sax which was an improvement from the Abracabra hand signals but not what I had in mind.

Meeting Harry in person was so exciting but we did not seem to be on the same page.

Harry do you anything else spectacularly well apart from saving the world with your magic?

How about snogging? It is a lot safer than your other day jobs. I can show you the Scottish way, far more fun than the tired old French style, which has been passé for yonks.

Can you put your hands down a minute? You are starting to unnerve me. Relax, stand at peace, I commanded him, using an old royal command which works for dogs and young children but is as of yet untested for famous magicians.

Harry never mind chasing those Skellys, Granny Glasgow seems to have it in hand very nicely, how about chasing me instead?

He kept doing this magic hand in the air thing as if he was shooing the dastardly Skellies away, that seemed to be his signature movement and he was sticking to it.

Did someone mention Skelly Hunting sounds like a job for Harry Potter to me

I turned round and who was standing before me but a real live world famous beloved by all hero, who is afraid of nothing and no one. Yes, Harry Potter! He was more handsome in the flesh than the silver screen.

SP, why so much fuss over the Skellys? The two I disposed off hardly put up a struggle at all.

Frankly, I find bridge much more challenging. Granny said, cool as cucumber. I guess by age 95, nothing really fazes you too much anymore. I need to think more like a 95 year old I would probably be way braver.

But granny they are taking over the world and if they have their way both you and I will be eating batwings till kingdom come. Trust me, even in a Glasgow Ashoka curry, they don't taste good.

Please don't abandon the struggle, you alone have frightened them back to their lair. There has not been a sighting in days. Granny you are my hero.

At last a gun big enough to shoot the Skellys

Granny now we can chase them together. Who needs bridge when you can go Skelly Hunting with your grand daughter?

Drop the cards, let's go.