I asked my girlfriend to see if she could sneak it out as her dress was more billowy than my Dianne Von Furstenburg sheath thing that I had to fast for two days to wear.

Why not let her be the art thief and I can enjoy freedom a bit longer , maybe get a few more snogs in if I am lucky.

Sandrine just give the piece a wee shoogle, how easily does it come off the wall? Everyone's schmoozing and dancing and Banksy is guffawing with fawning art groupies and Hamptons hipsters. I will help you, slip it under your white Grecian summer gown,the folds will surely hide it,we will make a run for it. Go on, dare you!!

SP , you have great taste but this piece is 6 feet at least and will not fit under my dress no matter how " billowy" it is. I know how badly you want it, but would you not get tired of seeing coppers snogging every day on the Chateau wall when you yourself has no action whatsoever barring a few snogs on the playa and do they really count if they are not stepping up to become your NY Mr Right?

No, I won't do your dirty work for you as I hear life in prison is a little rustic and they might not let me take Devi my dog although I am sure all the lady prisoners would love a free makeover.( She is a world famous make up artist with a cute dog, who rarely leaver her side).

SP be content with photos of the art and go home and get a good nights sleep , my friends are all going to the American Hotel now for drinks, as am I, sans Banksy piece under my clothing, so get a grip, SP. You really are loosing your marbles, everyone says it and now I can confirm it. Wait till I tell my pals your latest art ruse, dopey thing!

She tapped the piece a few times for good measure, as if to impress it's most firm stuckness to the wall.

I sighed. Honestly no one obeys orders like they used to. My options had run dry and the coffers did not run to a spare $300k.

Defeat. She had a point though, who wants to see other folks especially policemen happily snogging away like there is no tomorrow when you yourself have not a snog option in sight, I might have ended up flinging custard pies at the smug coppers in jealousy and Banksy would probably have confiscated the piece back to keep it out of harms way.

As I was leaving I reached out to the Coppers Snogging piece and gave it a tap.

How well was it stuck to the wall? Would it really be noticed if it slipped under my DVF party dress. Wasn't I due some recompense after all those insults.

Yes I was considering life as an art thief for an instant, but really life without my gourmet vegetarian chef, maid, and personal stylist was not so appealing. I bet they don't make lemon spaghetti as a dinner entree in Prison.

That doggy piece as you call it runs for $300k

You Princess must be stark raving bonkers. I see you love my work but sell a few more blog posts first, daft lassie., ha ha blog posts are free! You can't afford the red dot let alone painting!

Now, that was below the belt. Feisty thing old Banksy turned out to be.

He stormed off and was surrounded by fawning admirers instantly as tends to happen to famous artists. So I never got my Banksy piece. He should be grateful for all my free publicity in this here blog, that should have been worth a free painting, a small one even, a scribble, something.

I danced into the crowd pretending to be totally unbothered by our interchange but inside I was miffed, how does he know I hardly get a snog, he must have inside connections somewhere.

I really did love his art and thought about trying to smuggle one out but they were too big and well glued to the walls. They probably anticipated someone might try lifting one. Rotters.

I am out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

Banksy, such an honor to meet you. I am a huge fan. $250k is nothing for such great work and I do have a few gaps on SP chateau walls as Wee Mumsy is redecorating. But first let me correct you, since I now have returned from Burning Man, I have had 5 good snogs, not all of them fabulously good but one was, so you can't be casting these denigrations on my character. Before BM there was a gap but three years, not five. The chalk board which I got gifted did help as I got to pick my own message on the board and I wrote " Kiss Me." thinking I might as well cut to the chase and several of the more drunken burners obliged. It was also an order for those that were waivering.

Re my thoughts on your work let's ask the coopers and apes what they think and let them decide who is right.

This rat piece is obviously you as it is carrying a paint brush, big giveaway and I know you like rats as they come out and do their business at night like you!

Now you have confessed you would rather lounge around in bed in your pj's than go and work, so perhaps you should take a closer look at yourself before you tank into me. Ok so you still have a great new show even if you probably painted it in your jammies. I only have sporadic blog posts but I don't mind getting dressed in the morning , sounds like we are quits.

How about the monkey piece for $20 and I will forget about the attempted mean,unnecessary, cruel and vindictive comments on my lack of action of late, well before BM and I won't throw you in jail for SP Slagging, carries 5 year hard labor.

Ok I will go to $30 if you insist but will you throw in the doggy wall piece, please? I will take the rat one too for a round $50!

A few of you may have noticed that Planet of the Apes is having a second coming, and is all the rage, with some decent reviews even.

Banksy obviously smartly anticipated this and timed his show with the movie opening so giving the old apes another 15 minutes of fame. They must have paid him well. He sure knows how to garner publicity in fact I am hiring him to do my PR, if I could ever find him. Being a night time graffiti artist he is not the easiest to track down.

"Oy, you Irish Fairie Queen or whatever you call yourself , since when did you get the right to give all this commentary on my art. Everything you have written so far is a load of old tosh. I mean everyone has a right to make a stab on what my message is but you act as if you own my paintings the way you go on. Bye the way you are welcome to buy them, they are only $250k each, just a tad more than the porridge chairs you avoided paying for. You are royalty so it should be nothing for you. Those coppers are not snogging for glee just because they read your stupid blog or Facebook post or tweet, they are snogging because they felt like it, that's all. It is pretty obvious that being so snog deprived for so many years yourself you got carried away when you saw my piece and rambled on. So enough of the art interpretation , please give us all a break. You would be better off trying to snog someone at my opening or if you love my work buy one. I will give you the artist price."

Wow, it was Banksy himself , who knew he even cared about me or what I write, it is obvious he is a secret blog fan but daren't admit it, getting my name confused, I don't fall for that old chestnut. All this passive aggressive slagging means he loves me really.

Listen and watch how I handle this folks .....