She told me that as far as all the angels could see it looks like I have been very busy enjoying myself at various costume parties and not a thing had I done to get the Royal Scottish Tartan Army over to Iraq.

"My dear SP," she whispered sadly in my ear,"in case you have not noticed things have not got any better over in Iraq and everyone is counting on you and the Queen and your brave recruits to go and sort things out. Also everyone over there, both Sunnis and Shiites and even Prime Minister Nouri al Malaki is excited about the Royal garden party and the Elton John concert you have planned. There has been so many car bombs recently, the situation is a disaster - PLEASE GET FOCUSED ON YOUR MISSION.

So many depend on it."

Gosh, I thought she has a point, I have been so busy judging the Alt Oscars and finding Mr J for the Lady of the Box, I totally forgot about my mission and quest - to find Mr Right for me, I mean to sort out everything in Iraq.

If Queen Esther can get rid of Haman and all his evil cohorts then surely your modern day Princess can do the same. Princess Diana would never have allowed things to get so out of hand over there.

Right Muqtada al-Sadr, watch out, your days are numbered. Quite nice of the angel to pay me a personal visit to remind me to get on with things, I confess I do get easily distracted at the thought of romance or a swinging party.

Right, WHERE IS MY ARMY? I had better go and find them all........