Finally retailers have got into politics and as everyone seems so affected by our global "freefall", as NPR calls it every morning, they are using the panic that has consumed investors to serve their own end, with some perfectly sensible advice.

Sell stocks which are going down in value and instead buy two pairs of shoes, which are rising in value according to this highly scientific and mathematical chart.

Stay calm buy shoes. I think I will, somebody has to save the global economy it might as well be me. I'll think of it as my good deed of the day. If you buy three pairs maybe you will get 50% off! Yes for sure I should go into politics.