I was walking home from Wee Granny's, truthfully pissed off as it was the first time ever she blew me off for lunch.

Ok, she had a mission to do, more important than your lunch maybe yes, maybe no.

All those thoughts were swirling through my peanut brain and then suddenly I stopped in my tracks. In the glaring daylight was a giant Skelly head making a call on it's iPhone. Broad daylight, the nerve, I thought they only came out at night. No wait, that is the True Blood Vampires is it not.

I hurried over to the giant Fiend but in a sneaky, hidey kind of way, so it would not see me. What was it broadcasting on the phone? The Swine.

I crept behind the scaffold ever so silently and listened in.

"Skelly Alert, Skelly Alert, calling all Scottish Skellys, Go Back to the Leaders Lair. Mad Granny with walking stick on the loose. Two of our comrades have already surrendered and been vanquished - and can not be found.

Calling all Skellys , Retreat, Fall back, I repeat , Retreat.... The Granny has sworn to finish us all off before her supper appointment at 7.30pm at Turban Tandoori. This is an orange high level Security Alert. I repeat,all Skellys must retreat, order from Head Command. Wee Granny on the loose. Two down.... I repeat this is an order. Any Skellys disobeying will be punished .

And so he droned on and on as these types with a mobile phone and a bit of power tend to do, love the sound of their own voices.

But hey, two down. How did she do it? The nail file? It would ne great if she could make New York and London Skelly Free Zones too. She should amass her other bridge buddies, they are all over 90 too.

Finally we are getting somewhere. I was secretly proud of my heroic granny.

I had better not be late for supper tonight, the waiters were right.