All three of us hurried back to the City. "Nicola, Nicola, have I got news for you. Quickly put some lippie on. Stuart is on his way, your Valentine, and boy is he hot! Well maybe not hot, icy rather, but you know what I mean."

"And his carrot nose, is it on?" she enquired, rightly not taking any chances after her last experience.

"Oh indeed it is, never seen a firmer more Romanesque, regal carrot nose in my life and I assure you, he never takes it off even in his sleep."

And so your SP made her first Valentines Day match.