Yesterday, on the morning of the auspicious Valentines Day itself, I knew that my time was up, I had to find "J" within the next 24 hours or My Lady of the Box would probably shrivel up from an arm to a mere fingernail, in her disappointment. I could not bear for her to get any thinner or loose any more body parts.


I searched high and low and low and high, from north to south, and east to west, from 5 star plush joints to junky diners. Every man I saw I asked the same two questions, " Does your name begin with a "J", did you ever have a mad fling with the Verizon pumpkin lady right before Halloween, who is now only an arm in a VERY SEXY black box?"

At 11.55pm on Valentines Night I found the one I had been searching for at last, he was alone, sad, quiet, deep in thought, nursing a simple Dasani bottle of water, in a greasy spoon cafe in Chelsea. As you can see, he was slightly confused with the holidays and was still celebrating both Halloween and Christmas, but his cat like green eyes shone with love as soon as I mentioned my Lady of the Box.

"I am Jan, the Asian Warrior of the Night, the one you seek. Take me to her right away, I went back to Verizon on 6th Avenue, the day after Halloween and I thought she must have been turned into pumpkin soup as management said she had left under suspicious circumstances the night before. I have been searching for her ever since, I never even had time to take off my Halloween mask, I had totally given up all hope. Take me to my Valentine. I thought she had been cruelly murdered."

"Hurry, I said, "We have to get to Canal Street before midnight or the Lady of the Box will shrivel up in despair."

"Taxi! Taxi! Taxi" We both cried, running up and down 10th Avenue in search of a cab. But New York had had it's first big snowfall and what with it being Valentines Day and all, there was not one single taxi with a yellow available light.