"Guys, guys, listen up. Step back. The man our Lady of the Box longs for is me, Jamie, her kinky devil. We have experienced the highs and lows, we have been to hell and back and we rode in the flames of deep passion. You good-for-nothings are wasting your time. Give up now while you still can. Take it from me, hell is no holiday camp."

Oh help, I'm getting really confused now. All these chaps seem so sweet but which one is telling the truth? Shall we place a vote? If you have a strong inkling please let me know ASAP.