I was wondering around the house , well more like stumbling after all the glasses of champagne I had consumed by then, when I came across a most delightful, super friendly, talking red naked sculpture.

"Baldy Chops, I affectionately called him, "is there anyone or anything here in this house other than art that might help me oot and do you fancy a wee date with me , you are the most interesting and best looking man I have met in a week out here and you live in a fabulous beachfront McMansion, are you single, available or interested?"