We are free SP, we may not be aliens or giant teddies

But we are both LLS to the core!

Kenny and Britelite ! Two for the price of one, special July 4th offer for the SP only, they chimed together both the epitome of yumminess.

Now my July 4th weekend was taking shape. Expect Less. You see a second ago I was expecting nothing and now I hit the jackpot.

It was going to be a patriotic day I just had that feeling..,,

You can have this toy shark if you like

But you must battle it off me first , he smiled.

I wasn't feeling it.

Need a ring, SP?

Thank you no, I am quite adept in the pool I just don't want to get my hair wet. Do you have a swim hat?

But all the fabulous gals were being fabulous rather than worrying about wet hair.
Ah the worry less sign, that must mean forget the hat and jump right in.

Cool off SP, jump in lass,said the parasol ladies.

You got it. I fancy one of these giant floating toys myself.

An alien, I love aliens. Action ahoy!

"Your fluffy pink bikini is super sexy SP, who needs windmills. Can I cop a feel?". Gosh even the alien art piece was a bit sleazy. Am I getting too old and prudish for all this?

Ahh, what divine weather...

Well this lass had taken pasties to a new level. How was one fully clad girl going to compete with that? I felt decidedly boring but made a mental note to pick up some windmill fans at the next opportunity.

Come join us SP, fancy a twirl?

Yes super sexy gals were everywhere but where were the lads ?

Wow everyone who was anyone was in the pool

Why was I not in it too?

I would head over to the pool if I was you it is pretty hot over there, trilled the gnomes.

"Take us with we need some action too as this adoption campaign sucks, not one person went for it."

Adopt a Gnome program

Tempting but not what I had in mind for my July 4th Pex weekend.

I am going to fill my heart with love

But where will I find it?

Expect Less.

Are you telling me I am to give up my dreams of meeting my prince and settle for any old thing, as I can never do that.

I had had enough of that art piece it was too self righteous and depressing. Right I need some action, what's next?

Give More

Give more of the money from my coffers to the poor and stop spending it all on me. Gulp, this art piece really has me busted.


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Live Simply

This must mean you never needed the Porridge Chair in the first place or all those Missoni bikinis and I have to stop spending my LLS's taxes on designer togs, but do my subjects want me to look like a schloch?

Free your mind from worries.

Hmmm, this could mean a lot of things as the SP is a wee bit of a worrier.

It must mean this whole porridge chair drama is over and I must forget about the whole thing and get on with my life. I LIKE this one.

At the art piece I pondered the messages obviously meant for me although disguised to appear universal.

Free your heart from hatred.

Hmmmm..., maybe the message was - Don't be so hasty to badmouth T and call him a player just because he rejected your offer to go back to NY and sleep with you every night. Maybe he has his own bed or a loving girlfriend who needs him more than you, even if you could have shared your porridge with him, (he looks like he has had enough porridge.) So I sent T light and wished him happiness and abundance and prosperity like they teach us in pranic healing.

Ok next message...

Hey SP, Don't get heart broken over T, you would have got bored quickly as he is a Ted of few words

There is loads of talent here , my dear. The groovy hipster in the borange outfit said.( that is blue and orange, as opposed to porange the pink and orange that the Disorient camp wear).

They dropped me off at the art and fire spinner station and took off.

T already had a bunch of new girls around him. What a player he turned out to be. Typical heart breaker. I sussed his game, the shy silent type my foot.

Seeing as T was never going to be a great conversationalist I decided to cut to the chase and get the smooching going from the get go.

But even a delightful royal peck got zilcho reaction. T stared ahead but his expression seemed to change to one of shock, probably couldn't believe his luck no doubt.

"Hey T, did you ever have a smooch from a real live Scottish Princess?"

He said nothing but continued to stare blankly forward as Teddy Bears do. He did take my hand though which I thought was quite romantic. Also next to him I looked positively skinny.

"Did you ever make it to New York, T, Sweetie?".

Everyone calls everyone Sweetie here. I picked this up and find it very useful as it allows you to be affectionate without having to do much.

No offense but I was hoping to loose the lady ranger as she was cramping my chances with Big Ted, the hottest thing I had set my eyes on in weeks. ( Confession, I always sleep with a Teddy or two or three makes sleeping alone way more bearable I find, but with Big Ted, well now you are talking.)

Location:Let's go check out that art piece over there Teddy Sweetie.

Just as I was pondering my best means of getaway from Krusty , not so Trusty, Kiki, my Knight in shining armor appeared.

"Need a ride SP. Big Ted and I are doing our rounds checking out the campers are all behaving themselves, hop in."

Ah, the universe always provides.

"Don't mind if I do. How goes it Big Ted? I think I will take you home tonight you are so goddam cuddly."

"Scarper SP, Kiki is Cheeky and his a plan in store for you, that you may not like."

Geez, Louise, I knew it. What now? I gave the Rat a lovely slice of Scottish Matured 10 Years in a Whiskey Barrell Red Cheddar, that I always carry in my bag for these such occasions and scarpered as advised.

"I ain't no mouse, I am a rat, look at my red eyes, killer red.

Ok, not so friendly. I knew I smelled a rat with that Kiki and his fake super charming smiles and hot body, he was obviously alluring me back to Chelsea to make me pay up my $12,000 for the Porridge Chair. The SP always heeds a sign!

Come this way, SP, we are going for a nice wee walk, he smiled.

I smiled back, cool as a cucumber, but I smelled a rat.

"Hey Kiki, is that a mouse heading up your tunic, look out!".

"I am a caveman, here to protect the princess from any chair hunters, I mean head hunters. At your service, SP", said Kiki

He was smiling so friendly and nice but the chair hunter slip was a big gave away. He was probably from the gallery spy camp.

Now be offeth with you, oh SP underlings

" A most fabulous secret prize of stupendous value for the best costume will be awarded so go get costumed up. Run, run along. "

Everyone scattered as instructed.

That is it, I am going as far away from New York and Chelsea as possible to the PEX summer Festival in Maryland

No one will ever think of looking for me in a campsite in Maryland , phew I am safe and I can party with all my freaky friends in peace.

"Oy Princess, welcome to the Philadelphia Experiment. You look a bit hot, do you perhaps need a wee "chair" to sit on to rest the royal wee leggies."

I did not like the way he emphasized the word chair with a knowing glint in his eye. Yikesy and I thought I was all clear.

I was doubly spooked.

It was time to do something the SP very rarely does and can only be saved for special occasions, I gave a royal command.

"Hear Ye, Pexers, Campers and Sweet Underlings, by royal command, I command you all to wear fancy costumes and spend this July 4th weekend in disguise. It will be more fun, I promise you.

Anyone caught not in costume will be beheaded by Sir Joseph on the spot. Now be off with you and go and have fun and wear sunscreen."

That ought to do it, if anyone such as a copper comes after me, they will be overwhelmed by all the other folks in costume. A brillaint SP ruse. Sometimes I just love being me.

Even his face was gold!

Boy that must be hot it is a typical New York summer day, 94 degrees.

I must talk to this man, I tried,"Wakey, wakey, eehymmmm, cough, cough, excuse me Sir, good morning , Starbucks? "
to no avail.
"Date with the SP? Yummy yummy," had the same effect.
Perhaps he was a gallery exhibit performance art piece who in fact was secretly a spy, sent to follow me and the rope was meant to tie me up so he could capture me to bring me back to the Chelsea gallery to pay for the blasted porridge chair, as they know how slippery I am when it comes to paying up.

I was totally spooked. Lucky for me, my jailor was a golden sleepy head, snoozing on the job and I got away scott free again.

His Shoes, his cap,his trousers, gold as gold can be

Around his shoulder, hung loosely a gold rope. He had on a glittery red Michael Jackson jacket. His face was hidden from the sun, and from the world and most importantly from ME.

Who is this man, what was his message today. After all, if there was no message why would the banjo man have sung that very song? Something was afoot.

"Oh no, it can't be, surely not"

The Ominous Sleeping Gold Man was slumped over a metal chair, sleeping, snoozing and snoring.

The other day I was casually strolling home through Union Square Park

When I stopped to listen to a sweet, wee hippyish type of man, playing a wee ditty. I was hoping he might do a Beatles song but when I listened closely, the lyrics seemed very odd. What do you think?

"Oh SP,you had better beware,
If I was you, I would make myself scarce,
Not everyone has forgotten the chair,
In fact,take a look at who is sleeping over there."