Miki Carmi, the Jersualem artist's latest very moving piece, showing at Stefan Stux Gallery, Chelsea entitled -
Pyschic readymades: My sad Grandpa, after he read the story of the poor skinny pumpkin lady who works in Verizon on 6th Avenue in the SP's blog.

Alot of people were understandably very distressed by my last post and several people recognized this lady and have written into the Verizon shop manager on 6th Avenue that they want this dedicated and hard working lady to keep her job and could she please stop dieting, she is thin enough. Miki Carmi even made this amazing painting of his grandpa's sad and mournful face after he read the blog. He for one is writing to that manager and the boyfriend too, by the looks of his expression. It is not too late to save the pumpkin lady so if you are looking for another worthy cause to support, you know what you can do...


  

 

Would this poor sawn in half, green stockinged, torsoless pumpkin lady make you switch to Verizon?

What happened to the cheerful ads of happy young waspy white couples smiling after a marriage proposal over the phone or a sweet little child phoning his tycoon mum to say goodnight at the office or something pleasant like that to cheer you up and show you that being a verizon user keeps you in touch with your loved ones? Instead we get this poor pumpkin lady, who looks she was an unlucky magician's assistant and got sawn in two by mistake, is she supposed to terrify you into becoming a Verizon user? Is shock and fear tactics part of a new marketing campaign in our global war on terror. This town is absolutely Halloween crazy and nobody dare not enter the spirit and the festivities. Does Halloween paraphanalia sell more phones? Does this lady light your fire?

I went up to this smiling, green Trash and Vaudeville stockinged bodyless creature to ask her ever so politely if she would like to be featured in my blog this week.

"Excuse me, mam, I must tell you these green stockings are fabulous, very Trash and Vaudeville. Black leather shorts too, very sexy. That's where you got them, thought so. Listen hen ( that is what we call ladies in Glasgow), I don't know if anyone has mentioned it to you yet but when you got dressed this morning, you forgot something. Yes. Your body. A handkerchief, I can understand, but your whole upper half? Didn't it feel kind of chilly without it? Is that pink shelf serving any useful purpose? i suppose you can rest your lipstick on it or your head for that matter.

You are on what? the CR diet? You read in the New York magazine this week it increases women's sex drive and is the secret to eternal life. Look how thin you got. You want to look hot for all the handsome customers."

For those of you who have not read that article yet, the Calorie Restriction diet's central, radical premise is that the less you eat, the longer you will live. A nice side effect is that you get a euphoric high and it is free. Apparently on some hideous lab test in the 30's they found out that mice who have severely limited diets have consistently lived as much as 50 per cent longer that their cheese fed peers- as old as 160 in fact, although what a mouse would do to occupy himself for 160 years beats me.

"Mam," I said, "I read that article, that diet is very tough indeed and very limited. All you can eat is arugola,quorn and strawberry ricotta parfait, the New York version. Plus if you don't mind me saying without your top half isn't sex a little reduced in options? Sure, lady, you lost a lot of weight, the diet was extremely effective in your case, but I think you sacrificed too much to get thin. Why not try the Mastercleanse fast instead?"

"You want eternal life more than anything. You met someone, a cool customer and so far it is going well and he is very into your bottom half."

SP Followers, there will be a sad, heartbreaking end to this poor lady. She wants eternal life so desperately but come Wednesday November 1 she is finito, pumpkins, no matter how skinny and sexy, will be yesterday's news. She will probably end up as soup or if she is lucky she will perhaps be an ingredient in some cheery family's thaksgiving pie, that is at very best. I could not break that news to her. That customer she likes so much probably is well aware of this too and is just taking advantage of her CR increased sex drive. Well at least she is immortilzed in this blog and we will always love her, even if she is a PORT, person of restricted torso. Holiday fads can be so cruel.

At home in bonny Scotland, Halloween is a far more simple matter with not so many lovesick pumpkin casualties.
We settle down to a fireside reading of our national poet, Rabbi (Robert) Burns "Tam O Shanter" What could be more frightening than these words from our beloved bard ?

" Ah Tam! Ah Tam! thou'll get thy fairin! (reward)
In hell they'll roast thee like a herrin! (herring, a popular Scottish appetizer snack)
In vain they Kate awaits thy coming! ( that is his wife, a sulky sullen dame)
Kate soon will be a woefu' woman!" ( Tam will probably not make it home as the witches from the graveyard are going to chase him)

Now this is drama - written in 1750's,this comes after the fabulous scene when the drunken lout, Tam O Shanter sees the witches dancing on halloween night in the frosty graveyard and gets all excited as they are in their "cutty sarks", threadbare vests, fashionable in those days for witches. From one century to the next, men are all the same.

To find out if Tam ever makes it home alive read Robert Burns, Tam O Shanter, but I suggest you leave the light on.....

Happy halloween however you celebrate it. 

 

You see even Yoko Ono, my new pal, wears sunglasses inside, where it is absolutely unneccessary because as far as I am aware it is never that sunny indoors , no matter what the season and note SP Followers and Fashionistas, she never takes off her vintage white Robin Hood hat with a black feather , and seems to enjoy it most when she is simply relaxing at home inside with her beloved SP and other less important friends and it is not raining indoors and there is no need for such a hat. You have to hand it to her, she looks fabulous and she is one of the gals setting the new trend I have identified of wearing your own Halloween costume at all times especially when no one else is wearing anything interesting and Halloween is more than a week away.

That night I went to a gallery in Chelsea and some of Yoko Ono's timeless Word Picture Advice Art was displayed. She is as much in fashion as her hat.

Plane Piece

Hire a plane.
Invite everybody.
Ask them to write a will to you before boarding.

1964 spring y.o.

I like the subtlety of that piece, my advice here is DON'T FLY THAT PLANE EVEN IF ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE ON IT and you are taking a trip to Wee Mumsy's castle on the loch in Scotland. If you want to be really clever convince a less well known friend of yours to ask your friends to write their will to you before boarding so as not to appear too heavy handed, calculating or obviously greedy. You could also tell her or him to ask them to give at least 3% of their worldly goods to charity to throw them completely off track. Disregard this advice poem if you actually like your friends.

Room Piece

When a room is needed, obtain a person instead of room.

Live on him.

When another room is needed, obtain another person instead of another room.

Live on them.

1964 spring y.o.

(She has a point why go to all the bother of spending months on Craigs List to try and save the broker's fee when you rent an apartment when you can simply live on top of one of your friends instead, like a snail. I would recommend going for one of your bigger friends and if you know Jamie from the earlier blog he looks like he would be perfect to live on, nice and chunky. Jimmy the Skinny Skeleton from 96th Street not such a good option. When you do go to live on one of your friends, my advice is to travel light so you do not freak them up when you turn up with a huge suitcase and expect them to balance that on their head all day as well as you.

Yoko's radical Art Advice Poem idea could revolutionize the housing problems we have today with lack of space and the fact that no one can afford to buy anything decent unless you come from Dubai. Also Jerry Speyer you might just be lucky, you have just spent a world record $5.4 billion dollars ( almost as much as Wee Mumsy's castle on the loch in Scotland is worth) on that ugly housing complex in Stuyvesent Town with the hope you can get rid of all those rent controlled tenants quickly. Just read them YO's Advice Art poem and tell them to go and live on top of one of their friends instead, no need to hang around here. If they are Fashionistas and went to that cool show in Chelsea you may just convince them. I would give them a few, but not too many hangers, as a going away present. They can then hang their clothes on their friends arms and get themselves comfortable right away.)

And one more of her most famous, sensible and highly topical Advice Art Pieces on show in Chelsea right now.

Revalue Piece II

Use all existing art work as pieces of
Furniture and household appliances.
i.e. Use sculpture such as Henry Moore's
as diaper hangers, or chairs or bookshelves, tables and beds. Use paintings such as Monet and Picasso as heavy curtains, sofa cover,etc.

(she obviously had severe space problems in her apartment like most New Yorkers and these are very good space saving tips that the staff at Hold Everything would probably be very proud of, sorry to interrupt.)

back to the poem ..

Use all existing armaments as decorative objects and accessories.
i.e. Use cannons and fighters for garden sculpture, bullets for earings etc.

1968 winter y.o.

Now this makes a statement, bullets for earings. The world is becomming a very dangerous place and no one is safe even the Amish children it seems, this advice could come in handy if any nut job or terrorist tries to attack you, simply grab your earings and thrown them at the nut job as hard as you can, pretend it is that teacher that used to pick on you at school. These super practical and multi purpose bullet earings may just save your life one day.

All I can say SP followers is that you heard it first here ( you will not find these earings in stores yet, the idea is too new so you just need to make them yourself from your grandpa's used bullets as all Americans have guns stashed somewhere or if not a quick trip to Iraq or Afghanistan would probably get you started ).

You must admit, I am always coming up with great safety conscious but fun ideas to improve your image, wellbeing, lifestyle and tenure on this planet. 

 
No sooner had Jamie and Freddie gone off on their merry way to make more friends, when Angie and I happened upon a jolly Indian Sufi Jewish Santa named Hanuman Manny Lieberman, one of the famous vegetarian chefs and devotional yoga tshirt designers from the Ananda Ashram and he was not in Halloween costume either. Just dressed totally normal, for him that is, on a regular Saturday morning. You see a new craze is starting and you heard it first as always right here from the mouth of the SP, who is quite famous for discovering crazy new trends.

Am i missing something here? I think not. Judging from this walk the fun in life seems to be to dress in an outrageous costume every single day, when everyone else looks boring and normal. What is the point in dressing up on Halloween when there is no shock value whatsoever no matter what you wear, even if you look like my new older boyfriend Skinny Skeleton Jimmy from 96th Street, see earlier post of dashing older man in bowler hat hanging out on the Jean Genet balcony of 96th Street on the upper west side.

SP Followers, Don't wait for Hallowen or a private party to wear your Halloween costume, wear it tomorrow to work and see what fun you will have. Just don't blame me if you get carted off to Carstairs or whatever is the equivalent to the local loony bin lunatic asylum out here.  

 
When all of a sudden our repose by the lake is disturbed by a TweedleDum and TweedleDee contender, Jamie, the man, believe it or not and Freddie, the woman, Foster originally of the Home Plate Sports Pub, Tuscon, Arizona, who look they just fell out of an Alice and Wonderland movie set and were sporting totally matching outfits down to the shoes, as you can see for yourselves.

No, it is not yet Halloween, it is a normal Saturday morning so what is with the matching his and hers outfits? Being an inquisitive SP, I had to make friends with this adorable larger than life and only in America type of couple. Here is the scoop. They have been married for 26 years and worked together running a pub for many years and always dress in matching outfits. Now they live in a motor home and travel around enjoying themselves and making lots of new friends because of their matching outfits. Freddy is Jamie's third amd most cherished wife. She said the other two were fools to let such a gem go. I think she is right.

However, if you saw a couple walking around like this in Glasgow on a Saturday morning, someone would think it was a probably a travelling performing troubador duo who got lost on their way home from Edinburgh Festival or if they were unlucky a local polis (policeman) might just lock them up in Carstairs, the Glasgow loony bin (lunatic asylum), where Wee Mumsy used to threaten to send me if I did not eat my porridge in the morning. Nobody in their right minds would think they were actually serious with a matching attire like this. I must tell them to be careful when visiting Glasgow as I would not want to see such a sweet couple end in Carstairs, a most frightening place from whence you never return.

Then again, perhaps this is why none of my relationships or those of most of my friends ever work out , because we do NOT like our men to dress in matching outfits? I did meet a Scottish prince in Burning Man who had an identical gold outfit to me but we never got beyond trading porridge recipes. Time to change our tune. I will try anything myself.

Ladies, you heard it first here. Run out and buy your man a pair of skinny jeans, black leggings, a denim frayed micro mini skirt or whatever it is you are wearing this season as judging from this happy couple, matching dressing really works, I mean why bother to go to the trouble of cross dressing, when you can simply do match dressing instead?

Stores, make sure you get a his and her size in everything and prepare to make double profits because this craze has to take off.

Jamie and Freddie, please send me your photo every day for my blog and SP admirers who are most taken with your matchingness. 

 

Visibly shaken after the ordeal of the poor postie's savage mindless attack by Sammy the Mailbox Spider, Angie and I try to relax and recover our nerves beside the beautiful lake next to Ananda AShram. 

 
Pothead Postie Beware!

My sis Angie from Australia and I were visiting Ananda Ashram, Harriman, Monroe, this weekend and we decided to take a peaceful yogic walk to the lake to enjoy the fall colors when all of a sudden we came upon this ferocious but kind of sweet looking tarantula spider beast called Sammy attached to a mailbox.

Being the Scottish friendly sort I wanted to pat it and make friends with Sammy but my sis warned me, "Look, it might look like a sweet, cuddly, furry friendly pet spider but take it from me you shouldn't go near that monster, did you see the fangs on that thing. It is viscious. Stay away." Sure enough a minute later a whistling postman appeared with a large sack of letters. ( Some of you may or may not know that the mailbox was recently positioned at the end of the street and far away from the front door to protect innocent mailmen from being attacked by viscious guard dogs. Nobody thought for a minute that these new safety mailboxes might attract their own ferocious predators...)

The cheerful happy go lucky postman, without even thinking, put out his hand to open the mailbox when that taratula spider let out a blood curdling, rockweiler worthy snarl and opened its huge sharp fangs in an attempt to take a chunk out of the poor postman's hand.

" HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, WE DON'T WANT NO JUNK MAIL HERE, BE GONE YOU POTHEAD POSTIE!".

The poor postie only just grabbed his hand back in time and shoving all the mail under a pile of leaves, took off like the wind. "Told you so," said Angie, "It probably has rabies as well, that poor postie had a lucky escape."

Visibly shaken we continued our walk. "Angie," I said, "Can I ask you a question, Bush said last night we need to pacify the capital in Iraq and we need more troops to quell the violence and Iraq might be on the brink of a civil war."

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, look how about gathering the three ghosts, the witch, if she can be revived, Darth Vadar and Sammy the Spider from outside the houses of Nanuet and Saphire Road , Monroe. They are about as fierce as you can get and could probably get the whole thing sorted out in ten minutes. It worked in the Lord of the Rings with the Tree Ghosts so why not use the Nanuet Ghosts and Friends? It would save the country a whole lot of money not to mention poor soldier's lives. I am calling Hilary Clinton right away, she is bound to go for it."

You see now that I was laterly awarded the Noble Peace prize for boiling that wicked witch in Nanuet in her own Le Creuset cauldron, these ideas just come to me naturally.

I admit I do feel a bit bad for the old Nobel Peace prize winner Muhammad Yunnus, the "banker to the poor" who provided finance to many poor ladies in Bangladesh so that they could get internet access and read my blog and send it to their friends, because that is a very important part of most people's days and he kindly did not want them to miss any of the posts, but to hold on to a prize like that you really need to do something very dramatic like boiling a witch and saving a whole neighborhood, which not everyone can do, especially if they do not start their day with a steaming plate of porridge and raisens which readys you for any challenge. 

 

A loyal and traditional fan from Glasgow, Miss MacDarah, goes wild with excitement when she hears that the SP has won Google Blog of the Century.

Critical acclaim for the SP Blog to date -

"Never has so hysterical a blog been created on this planet - read this blog and prepare to fall of your seat laughing." The New Yorker.

"The Scottish princess is the next Paris Hilton, only prettier, smarter, better dressed and more sexy. " The New York Post, page 6.

"I can hardly eat my breakfast of porridge and raisens in the morning for the excitement of waiting on the next SP blog." Thomas Friedman, NY Times.

"The Scottish Princess has made waking up in the morning a joy instead of an endless sea of despair, emptiness and lonliness." Jean Paul Sartre.

"If only I could have had a blog half as good as this, things might have turned out very differently for me. Stay beautiful, you princess in the wind." Marilyn Monroe.

"That witch has been destroyed and New York and Nanuet, Rockland County are far safer places thanks to the heroic actions of our very own SP. (If only I had met you before Judith, what a team we could have made.) Mike Bloomberg, NYC Mayor.

"I am standing down. It is all yours. At a time of strife and needless wars in the world, America needs a voice like yours." Hilary Clinton.

"What are you doing tonight, baby." Bill Clinton.
(oops I wasn't supposed to put that one in)

"After that terrifying fight to the death with that evil witch we are returning the nobel peace prize and awarding it to you instead, Miss SP." George W.

Ahh well , credit where credit is due, I suppose. Trusy fans feel free to write your own words of praise, as long as you want, in the comments section which is thoughtfully designed for this very purpose. 

 

Harriman State Park, from the top of one of the mountains I hiked all the way up without even complaining. Thank goodness I did photography 101 class. It looks just like my very own Bonnie Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond. (Now you know why I was so hungry and in need of some tasty witches stew. Keep reading to understand this cryptic aside.) 

 

Here I am all fresh eyed and happy and enjoying myself on a great hiking outing in my favorite part of the states, Harriman State Park, one hour from NY, because it looks like Scotland. Little did I know what was in store for me that afternoon. 

 
And you thought I had exhausted the ghoulish garden gnome theme. Here is yet another giant garden gnome monstrosity from the leafy suburbs of Nanuet, Rockland County. Witches are supposed to fly discretly around on broomsticks in the sky at night and not park themselves on someone's front lawn in broad daylight making total fools of themselves trying to be pretty garden ornaments when they are simply not attractive.

This green, wart covered, hook nosed, evil, children eating, wicked witch may look happy and smiling to you with her so called Happy Halloween cauldron but do not be fooled for a minute. Be warned and read on only if you dare.

I went over to her nice as pie and took a really flattering portrait photo of her , as you can plainly see, trying to show her at her best , most considerate of me. You would have thought she would have been grateful. Huh!

I then politely enquired what she was cooking up in that black cauldron of hers as I was famished after a hike up a mountain in Harriman State Park, making small talk as you do with strangers even if they are evil witches, and was it by any chance vegetarian, ( I thought witches liked parsnips,turnips and root vegetables, a bit of nutmeg) and could she spare a mouthful or two. I also sweetly suggested that I could help her get an appointment with my colorist at Frederick Fekkai's on 5th Avenue as Halloween is fast approaching and she will never get a date with hair that color. That is like gold as anyone can tell you.

How did she respond to my kindness ? Well, she suddenly grabbed me by my nice, beautiful hair in pure evil envy, shouting all sorts of witchy obscenities, "Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble, C'imere you tasty yummy Scotty princess, it is ME who is hungry and you look like a perfect little girl appetizer snack and this is what you can do with your crumby hair appointment. I like my hair just the way it is." Let me tell you, she had quite a strong vicious bulldog kind of grip, (probably from having to steer a broomstick on those odd windy days and all that giant pot stirring she does,)and she tried to push me in the cauldron and cook me. The FIEND. Six years of living in the states and this is to be my sorry end, part of some witch e coli spinach stew. Thanks very much.

Of course I yelled for help in my best Scottish accent but nobody came. Surely the ghosts or Darth Vadar from up the street could have come to my rescue but no they just watched and I am sure I saw that big creepy ghost smirking away at my plight. As for the neighbors and dog walkers,they must have thought it was some trick or treat Halloween dramatic enactment, and did nothing. I struggled and fought her like the amazon I am after all my Jivamukti yoga classes.

Finally, when it looked like it was either her or me I pulled an old Scottish secret royal self defense move based on a combination of the highland fling and the twirling part of that famous Scottish country dance the Gay Gordons and I threw her in her own Le Creuset black cauldron and boy did I slam that lid tight. I must have sat on it for a good ten minutes and she was howling and yelping and screaming all the while. "It is hot in here, let me out. I'll turn you into a toad, if you do not open this lid." I just turned the volume up on my ipod. I am complaining to Mike Bloomberg when I get back to the city as that witch is a total menace. As for the evil witch garden gnome home owners, they have got some explaining to do. 

 

Actually from this angle he is really quite manly and not that bad looking at all and a damn sight better dressed than my last few dates, in that dapper bowler hat, reminds me of dear old Big Daddykins. I mean you have to hand it to him this dude has style, not that trying too hard to be casual, jeans and baseball sweatshirt type at all, a look which is totally overdone here. (Although I abhor smoking so it might not work. I am a bit picky, yes. )

Do you think he has a commitment problem like most New York single guys? He looks a wee bit peely wally (pale) as they say back home but nothing a good steaming plate of porridge and raisens lovingly prepared by my trusty manservant Mr MacTavish couldn't fix. I like older men. He looks intelligent, a good witty conversationalist, a great after dinner speaker, probably has a very good sense of humor, looking the way he does, he would have to. I think I will give him my number, what do you think?

I need a decent date for this big Halloween holiday that is coming up.....

Hold on, I'll be brave, nothing to loose, right, he can only say he is busy or has other plans.

"Hey , excuse me, hey Jimmy, Big Man, yes YOU mister , you handsome thing standing up there all by yourself, all nonchalent and sexy like, what are you doing for Halloween, I hear there is a great fetish party in Soho where you would probably be a huge hit. What do you say...

You will. Perfect. Your calender just happens to open that night. I can go as the fabulous Scottish Princess and you just have to be yourself. We will probably be a sensation." 

 

Manhattan is no better, when it comes to this ghoulish garden gnome craze.

Driving down 96th Street and West End Avenue on a sunny sunday afternoon, I happen to look up so that I can enjoy the architectural features of these historic townhouses and this is what stares down at you - a terrifying, green, skeleton warlock zelig thing smoking a fag and wearing a bowler hat and looking like he is about to address the nation. Mind you he will probably talk more sense than you know who. 

This is what Americans have done to a long respected and jolly good ancient Scottish tradition of peaceful sweet garden gnomes that cheer you up when you see them.

In their maniacal fear of global terrorism they have turned the innocent garden gnome into something that strikes fear and terror into the bravest man's soul, with this enormous menacing Darth Vadar Mr Death excuse for a gnome.

I mean he is standing right in front of the door, how does the family get their grocery shopping in with that big monster standing in the way?

In my day, garden gnomes were adorable cute little darling sculptures, mini jovial Irish santas, the proper correct non threatening size, who sit smiling all day long on spotted toadstools, and are perfectly happy to spend their time patiently fishing with no chance of catching anything except a worm if they are lucky, and you don't hear a peap from them. Setting a good example of how to be happy and enjoy your life. Not these Mr Death monsters.

I just hope all you nut job terrorists out there appreciate the effort peaceful everyday families are going to keep you away from their homes. I mean I have heard of NIMBY but isn't this taking it just a bit far?

  

 

HELP, the New York suburbs have gone crazy with giant ghoulish garden gnomes.

Are these terrifying giant garden gnome ornaments meant to scare off burglars? potential islamic terrorists? stray dogs? the neighbors kids?

Americans really take security to heart in the Nanuet neighborhood in Rockland County judging by the effort they go to terrify peaceful passer bys and innocent dogwalkers.

These three ghosts may look jolly and welcoming to you leaping out of a a smiling pumpkin cake come jack in the box to say "hi baby" like a stripogram for someone who has a severe ghost fetish problem, but take it from me you don't want to rub them the wrong way or who knows what they might do. When I drove past to take their picture, which one would think would make them happy, that big white scary one with his hand up let out a massive bloodcurdling scream, "KEEP OFF OUR LAWN, YOU LOW DOWN SCOTTISH PRINCESS SCUMBAG." If this is how Americans welcome visitors, I think I will stay at home. 

 

Anish Kapoor's Practical Art Piece, The Vanity / Sky Mirror from the other upside down side, showing iconic NYC skyscraper. .

Best enjoyed before cocktails upstairs at the Rainbow Room, unless dizzyness does not bother you.

Ladies, word of warning, no matter how tempting it may seem to have such a grand and flattering full length mirror at hand, do NOT try to sneak or fit this mirror into your handbag as it is 35 foot high and you will certainly not fit in a cab and the driver will complain and may even threaten to throw you out of his car, also you will probably end up squashing your phone and loosing a lot of important numbers.

( It seems to be quite firmly fixed on the ground anyway, I checked, unless you have a particularly strong Superman gallant type of a date.) 

Vanity is getting out of hand in NYC.

Anish Kapoor, the London artist from Bombay, well understands the dilemma of a girl on a date who has forgotten her pocket mirror and needs to reapply her lipstick before going for cocktails at the Rainbow Room and so to this end he very kindly and thoughtfully created his new stunning 35 foot stainless steel concave art installation called Sky Mirror at Rockefeller Center. No excuse for bare lips now.

Anish calls his piece a "non object" as despite its huge size it suggests a window or a void. He likes to make objects in which things are not what they at first seem to be. The mirror becomes like a hole in space. On one side you can look at yourself and fix your hair and on the other side you see the iconic New York City skyscraper and the sky. This is what I call practical art or multi purpose art as not only can you see the Rockefeller Center upside down, ( warning - if you are feeling tipsy after a few drinks in the Rainbow Room , skip this installation ) you can also freshen up your hair and make up.

This superb example of practical art is only open till October 27th so make haste and see it now. You can really impress your date by first having dinner on the pavement in the East Village and then zipping her uptown to see Anish Kapoor Sky Mirror and cocktails on the 50th floor all in one evening.



  

 
Why trek all the way up to Central Park like everyone else and have a picnic with hundreds of ants in the glaring heat, when you can have a perfectly good evening picnic for free, away from the crowds, right here on the pavement on 2nd Avenue and 6th Street ?

For those of you loyal fans who don't know your beloved SP lives in the East Village, home of many fine and reputable Indian establishments. This romantic couple from Brooklyn were so excited about their tasty Indian dinner, they did not even bother to wait till they got home to eat it, ( very sensible as it would have been stone cold by the time they got home, they were on bikes and not the microwave type) so they simply laid their food out on the pavement and tucked in right there and then, not a napkin, plate or chair in sight.

Take this couple's example - Lovers, if you want to be really spontaneous and impress your date simply order food to take away and eat it on the ground outside the restaurant, rather than in the restaurant, which is the boring conventional way. All you need is some plastic forks and you are off. Your date will either find you a) primal. My man is so manly he has no need for the comforts of restaurants.

b) delightfully romantic in a Frank Sinatra singing in the rain whilst hugging a lampost i.e.streetlight kind of way. Chaps, you might even utter " With you baby, anywhere is heavenly as long as we are together" or something along these lines.

c)totally charming as you are so original, you can probably make a safe bet she has not eaten dinner sitting on the pavement or as you yankies say sidewalk before. Chances are she will be dying to tell her friends and a new craze will probably start - Malcolm Gladwell Tipping Point, you read it first here.

d) horrified, as her new designer togs were not designed for pavement dining. If she is wearing white, gentleman carry abundant handkerchiefs, be prepared. Ladies, you know which category you are in and if you are anything like me, quietly carry your own fresh, white, ironed cloth napkin in your bag so as he will not think you are too much of a spoilsport or snotty princess ( as opposed to Scotty princess) to eat from the ground.