"Look Damien, don't get alarmed but the Bull is a tad upset and so are the butterflies and they would like their bodies back and they don't want to be art anymore

They said they don't want to let you down or embarrass you for the show so they will let sleeping dogs lie for now, but they would like to have their full body parts reinstated the day the show closes or they have asked someone who will remain nameless but happens to be a very important royal personnage with a lot of influence in high places except maybe with Mick J, to report you to the RSPCA( the Royal Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) where dismemberment of animals including butterflies comes with a 5-10 year jail sentance.

His frown got deeper. I smiled sweeter and wider to avoid suspicion.

But Damien, it is Ok. End of an Era is true, you said it yourself, it has come. We all of us have a brillaint idea to save the day and save the animals at the same time, plus save all the bad karma you are amassing which would result you coming back as a decapitated bull in a Damien Hirst art installation.

"What's the idea, out with it lass, eeh by gum," DH said, which proves you can't take the Northerner out of the artist so easily.

"It is decided. You are to do Balloons! Balloon calves, balloon sharks, balloon butterflies. It is going to be huge and Jeff Koons will green with your new pieces. It will be huge and all the animals will be saved!!! Will you do it? Just say yes and then you can go back to signing the books and opening invitations for the models. If you say no, you are looking at 5-10."

SP I'll do it but not a word to Koons about this. Maybe I will do diamond studded balloons, in keeping with my new Judgement Day piece..., we can discuss the details over scones in the country..."

his brain was whirling ten to the dozen already and the animals let out a collective sigh, well a flap of wings and the bull let his tongue fall to the other side, a wee sign of gratitude to me, thier princess.
Another day of hard work saving the world, successfully completed for the SP. I turned round to thank DH, but he was hiding under the gallery reception table, blowing up some kids balloons he had found and then we heard that dry squeaky sound of someone manipulating and squeezing the balloons. I guess that is why he is the most famous living artist around. You heard it first here.

Run and see the show everyone before the balloon phase kicks in!

Damien Sweetie, the Golden Bull and I had a wee word

Damien frowned in surprise. I smiled at the camera, so no one could tell I was saying something monumental and controversial.

I tried to look relaxed but I knew DH wasn't going to like it

Someone took a blurry shot of us whilst I was whispering in his ear

He gazed straight at me

I did swoon but I tried to keep focused on the task at hand. Being a yogi saving animals come first.

Damien looked up for a breath of air

He saw me frantically gesticulating.

" SP is it me you are wanting, I am the teensiest, weensiest bit busy , you know with Bono, Mick and not to mention my hundreds of beautiful, upper east side, drop dead gorgeous, matchbook thin, sexy, spiky stilettos and micro mini dresses attired aspiring model fans who all want me to sign something. This is my opening kind of too at the Gagosian on Madison Ave, me mam's so proud of me and all. Could this wait till scones in Devon, you are coming you promised."

My hands got very shaky as I was trying to wave him down whilst photographing him at the same time, not easy.

D A M I E N.

It's me the SP. I have an urgent message, if you don't listen the butterflies are all flying away and floor 5 will be a mess. Stop signing these fans can wait.

Pssst Damien over here stop signing the books forba minute

Damien looked very dashing in his black shirt, black suit and black and red Prada sunglasses, even though the room was pretty well lit. But he was ignoring my urgent , polite whispers.

Well he was until Mick Jagger and an ugly bulldog of a bodyguard arrived

"He doesn't like being photographed," said the Bulldog Bodyguard, pouting at me, he is the gloomy one in the right hand corner, the only one not having any fun.

Too late I snapped him, what a score. Mick looked fantastic but he wasn't as friendly as DH, which was a blow to the SP ego.

Bono was there and everyone was going nuts photographing Damien and Now Bono was in on it too

No one knew who to photograph first there was so many stars. I saw John Currin, no one was photographing him and Leonard Di Caprio but Bono was getting way more attention.

Damien sorry but can I have a word

Who is that blonde bimbo, I have a personal message from the art exhibits themselves, this is important.

Pill paintings

Pills are dangerous if you take too many but then you decide how many you take and nobody dies in the process. We like the pill paintings in Floor 5. Tick for them.

White Dots Harmless, these pass.

Damien how about a variation on the Dots, they were big sellers in the day when Pharmacy opened in Notting Hill.

Butterflys didn't fare much better

The second floor was full of stained glass like windows with butterfly wings shimmering in azure blue and amber , in perfect symetry. Stunning, but what did the butterflies have to say.
"Well, now that you are asking we would rather have our bodies back and fly around the fields thank you very much, than be impaled up here but it is a bit late for that now. I am glad you appreciate our jigsaw puzzle of wings but really we all think balloon butterflies would be just as nice and hurry up and suggest it before more of us end up behind glass frames."

I thought as much - no one wants to be an art piece no matter how many millions you are worth. Freedom is everything. Those of us not currently impaled and stuck behind a frame or lodged in a gold vitrine, spare a thought for these sad creatures and appreciate your freedom. If you see Damien Hirst walking towards you - Run as who knows what he will do next.

SP, you are right! I would rather be alive chewing some cudd in the fresh air instead of stuck on Madison Ave in a gold vitrine.

"Why did Damien have to pick me. I was quietly minding my own business and suddenly BOOM, decapitation before you have time to say Bob's your uncle and now whisked over here to be goggled at by these snotty uptown brats who are too busy posing and trying to look cool to even stop and think about my sad demise. Someone should report Damien to the RSPCA, it shouldn't be allowed, chopping us up and calling it art, shameful business and I know my Shark buddy at the Tate agrees. Never mind Haiti what about us animals dying for art, eh."

"Mr Golden Bull you do look very regal and Roman and you will live forever now especially now you are in my blog, but you have a valid point and I will certainly mention ahimsa , non violence, when I have scones with him in Devon. Jeff Koons makes balloon animals also popular and safer too , I think he should move to balloon beasts next. I am on it." I told the Golden Bull, although it didn't really help his immediate predicament, hopefully I comforted him a tad.

End of an Era, the show's title

A poor bull with golden horns and a crowned with a solid gold disk and of course in true DH style suspended in formaldehyde and encased in a golden vitrine is the show centerpiece. According to the gallery sheet, while his "earlier work the Golden Calf symbolized the worshipping of a false idol, in his new piece he demystifies the biblical tale and by extension debunks his own myth making."
Except the sheet is wrong as this piece is so shocking it just makes him even hotter and MORE famous, if you ask me.


I don't think the bull looks at all grateful to be the centerpiece. Quite frankly he just looks very sad and dead to me, with his tongue out and eyes closed, very unfortunate looking.

Judgement Day , a 30 foot long gold cabinet filled with 30,000 manufactured diamonds

The afterlife is not so bad after all according to DH as you get to swoon and dissolve into diamonds. His karma must be really good which is surprising considering the poor calves, sharks and butterflys that are either impaled or set in glass chambers in some dismembered state. Maybe God is an art collector and will pay in diamonds for one of his pieces. Who knows, I must ask him when I go and visit him in Devon in his weekend house.

His new show is called End of an Era

It is all about diamonds and the Golden Calf. Perfect Princess show. This blue diamond was my favorite and my next boyfriend can buy me both the painting and the diamond for Valentines Day. He is sure to get a second date for that. The gallery staff tried to stop me taking photos but it was packed and the upper east side chi chi crowd were going wild and even though I am a downtown girl and way cooler, I went wild too, well who wouldn't with this group of paintings and I was snapping in a fervor!


-- Posted from my iPhone. - live at the hottest event of the decade- Damien's new show at the Gagosian 980 Madison Avenue. Run there now, it might be closed but camp outside I would.

Damien Hirst and I are best friends

I love him. I met him at his opening and happened to read his bio on the gallery sheet and we got talking because of the Glasgow / Bristol northerner thing and he invited me to his after party at the Boom Box in the Standard Hotel, invites only!
I got all my friends in too, boy was I hot tonight. The SP is on fire!

"What and ruin my Fairy Christmas get up, no way Jose

How about a super strong cuddle instead, you can squeeze me as hard as you like, for as long as you like and you can start the whole thing off with a tinsel mistletoe smooch!

"Just a wee scuffle, come on it will be fun, just cos you don't have gloves and I do, don't let that worry you

I promise to be fair and let you have the first punch, yeah or nay, be a sport."


-- Posted from my iPhone

"Put em up Princess, Santa Ali here"

Wow Santa Ali Meeks gets my pick for Santa of the Day, fierce yet loving, strong yet gentle,manly yet cute all at once. I hope I don't have to fight him just to say hello.

Babalicious was a sexy elf

Note matching green eyelashes! I only once tried the fake lashes. After a long night at a costume party they remained stuck to my eyes and repeated gentle yanking only succeeded in pulling off my own lashes , forget that. However others have graduated to the eyelash club and wear them without fear,good luck to them all. Lancome black miscara is still the safe way to go if less dramatic looking.

Dallas Just Dallas was his usual elegant self

The aim at this event is to be Santa with a twist. Dallas has decorated his hat with snowflakes and had a giant candy cane walking stick, which he sports with a necklace of giant hanging Christmas tree ornaments. This is Santa Couture at it's best, the white sunglasses add that edge of cool. Nice one Dallas!

Santas convene in Washington Square park by the hundreds

Last year NY was flooded by Santas who had convened to cause trouble and let their hair down for their annual Santacon festival.

Great hoodie, nice and toasty

The dog caused a sensation on the F train. Well I ran around snapping it at least.

Doggy Couture still reigns supreme in the Big Apple

Spotted on the F train to Brooklyn Carroll Gardens a dog with a tartan puffa jacket with a matching furry hood! So far this is the best dressed dog in town. We have had freezing weather here so dogs need stylish protective outerware too. The way this dog sits so regally he knows he is smokin'.

I told you check out these handsome healing lads

Jackpot,healing and handsome hunks do a great evening make. This proves that karma works, you do something good for other people and the universe sends you several handsome men you never met before. Jade, when is the next one! I know I am supposed to be focused on healing others but multitasking is surely allowed.

High Priestess Jade's white tantra full moon healing circle participents

Last night a group of 20 New Yorkers gathered at High Priestess Jade's Soho art loft to do Kundalina yoga, mantras,pranayama and most importantly create a healing circle for a half hour in order to send healing to all who needed it. We were told on No Account could the healing circle be broken. Four people got to lie in the middle relax and be healed and the others took it in turns to sing holy mantras at the top of their voice which finished with Satnam. It will probably come as no surprise that I lept in the middle of the circle and was part of the relaxing team. I did stay awake and say loads of prayers for Haiti and my pregnant sister so I did contribute still. It was very challenging knowing on no account were you allowed to move but everyone stuck to the rules. Not only was it a great circle but all of Jade's friends were drop dead gorgeous, win win for all! For all lonely people looking for love I hope you enjoyed my healing prayers and that you find love tonight!

Obama is in a giant ad for a windbreaker jacket in Times Square, spotted tonight

Here is the proof, Obama is selling windproof outdoor jackets , which according to the ad, give you natural leadership style if you buy one as well as make you look rugged and handsome. I am trying to think if any other president could be in ad and I am stumped. George Bush could have done an ad for pretzels "so good the president can't eat them fast enough."

Bill Clinton could have done an ad for Cigars," So good you don't even need to smoke them."

What about out prime ministers, Maggie Thatcher, Tony Blair, the Queen, you simply don't really expect to see them smiling down at you from a giant billboard in Times Square, it is a tad undignified for a president to do that type of thing. Does he need the cash for school fees and why waterproof jackets? Did DC suddenly get more rain, hailstones, that he had to run out and buy the jacket. Bizarre, Sarah Palin has her own TV programme but she at least is out of politics technically for now.
Is nothing sacred anymore? People were gasping, doing Double takes, taking pictures like me for their own blogs or at least FB pages. He should donate the money he made on this ad to the 100,000 people who have died, are dying or are missing in poor post 7.0 Richter struck Haiti. He is a tad smug in this ad, I have to say I can no longer idiolise him now, very disappointing..... I admit he makes a great male model but could he not have waited till after his presidency, now really.