I loved Night. I wanted it, I opened my wallet and started counting my change.

$43.27. I had only $1700 more to find.

Maurizio, this is my favorite too. Hold it till tomorrow whilst I count my penny pile.

We oohed and aahed and schmoozed some more but eventually it was time to go. As we headed out to The Standard Hotel to finish our night, Aileen wasted not a minute getting back on topic.

4? She asked eyebrows raised?

Ok 4. So he had drunk too much wine at dinner, so he was slurring his words and hard to hear over the din of the other diners. I had to lean over to the high chair which was uncomfortable and awkward. To top it off, he made me split the bill, you know I don't tolerate that, it amounts to instant cancellation in my world.

Plus I had to pay for his cab phone. And the coup d'état, he made a lunge at me whilst I was carrying him and stuck his tongue down my ear, no questions asked as I was literally tossing him into a taxi and had the nerve to say, what a fantastic night Princepessa , are you free tomorrow?

At least there wasn't a grope though? Aileen smiled. I hope there wasn't a 5.

5, there was a 5 and a 6,7, and 8. But let's just end it at 5 and talk about anything else. What did you think of Night, back there?

Finish it girl? 5?

Ok. Here's 5. He was wearing Roots sweatpants.

Ok, I got it 5 strikes and you are out. The sweatpants seals the deal. That Muppet is Toast. But you might change your mind when you see him in his movie. Did you get the Comps at least?

No, he didn't even come through on that one. Said he gave them to his sister.

Ah,another one bites the dust. You know what they say, All's Fair in love and War. She put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder as we headed up to the rooftop lounge at The Standard.

Did you check your Daily Matches for today yet? Anyone lined up for tomorrow night? Don't give up SP, he is out there but maybe next time try someone your height at least.

And so ended Morris. I still want to see the Movie though.....

I see you met my Geisha Girls, Willy and Nilly

Aren't they adorable? Yours for a song tonight! They go back to Italy in 2 weeks as I am Maurizio the artist from Firenze. Enchante, ladies. I am glad you like the show.

Hi Maurizio congrats this is fabulous I love them all. Tell me can you switch Willy and Nilly off at night or do they always talk at will. It could get annoying, no?

Of course you can't switch them off, can you switch yourself off , you have been chatting all night with Aileen here , so why shouldn't they talk?

Come see Night, my favorite. He beckoned us over to the other side of the small gallery which was teeming with folks.

We come as a pair, $3000 for us both

We look fabulous in the Hamptons, NY lofts , even your office. Buy us now, we don't want to go back to Italy we love NY!" they chimed in unison.

Italy ? I thought they were Japanese? Wow, they talk too, I think that could get annoying their voices are too high and they might never shut up.

I love these two ladies only $1500 each, a bargain after the Damien Dots

They would look fabulous in your Gramercy pad,Aileen.

We nipped into a Japanese photography show en route.

It was a great distraction from 4 as we schmoozed with the artist and gallery owners.

I love this one! I wish I had room and a spare $750k to snap it up.

3? Aileen seemed more interested in 3 than the dots.

Well 3) so we got to Cafe Mogador on St Marks where we had to wait 25 long minutes for a table with more whining from you know who and then they insisted on putting Morris on a high chair. It is simply not sexy when your date is on a high chair, how can you take him seriously? I kept wanting to do the baby feeding weaning my sisters do and cut up his pita and lay it out on his tray in neat wee squares.
Plus Morris never stops talking about all his issues! We weren't at Zuccati Park anymore we were on a date where the attention is supposed to be focused on moi! Moi! SP! Yours Truly! Not Miss Piggy for president and how her campaign is going. I know all the Muppets will vote for her, but what about the rest of the US? Plus he made me cough up $50 for her campaign funds and towards the pledge to end frogs legs in all NY restaurants, in the middle of dinner and I had to sign 5 petitions. It was a bore and a drag.

Ok, 3 sounds bad, quite bad. She sympathized, nodding whilst taking in a giant salmon pink colored dot.

There wasn't a 4, I hope. Did he go for the end of the night snog and grope?

Let's go down to 21St for the other show , I need some air, I said, avoiding 4 best I could.

Ok, so you left, so? What was 2)

We wandered round the show, chatting in low tones so as not to disturb the Young and the Beautiful Art Hipsters.

2) it gets worse... He did not tell me I would have to carry him all night on my arm and he was heavy and combined with carrying my own White Prada rucksack my back was hurting shlepping around the city carrying him everywhere like a giant baby. It wasn't sexy at all carrying your date, and he kept complaining I wasn't holding him in the right way. He was whining about that, the nasty weather and the fact the Sequel to the Muppet Movie was postponed and never once asked me about me.

And 3? She asked.

Wow, Damien's Dots are sublime!

300 Dots are on show tonight, Hong Kong, Rome, London, Gagosian triumphs again.
On every wall, were dots of all shapes and sizes. They were beautiful seen all together was quite exhilarating.
Aileen each dot on that picture stands for a problem with Morris. Where do I start?
1) well it was a freezing NY winter night so we started at a cool East Village bar, but as he is so small they said he needs ID or he has to leave they didn't think he was 21. Although he proclaimed to be a famous movie star the bouncer was not impressed , No ID no cocktail we were told. He forgot his ID so we left.

Don't you love these giant map paintings?

Look there's Scotland , the rotters, they made it very small half the size of England, don't you hate that?
Hand me that juice of the vine? Is there any seats here?
I took sip of the plonk for strength then realized I had made a mistake and grabbed my mini Colgate sticks to take the vile taste away.
Aileen we still have two Damien Hirst Dot paintings shows to see, don't you think we should get moving, it is 7.15pm already.
I did a few body swerve's off the Morris topic, but she was not to be deterred.
"Out with it you" she said. She can be quite forceful sometimes and doesn't take any nonsense.

A few days later my Weegie (Glaswegian) best pal Aileen and I were on the Thursday night art circuit in Chelsea

As we wandered round the shows, attempting to drink undrinkable cheap white wine, we caught up on the week's dating events and stories...

"So how was it, with Morris the Muppet, will you see him again?" she asked. " You have been kind of quiet about it, and I know you were excited , more than I have seen you in a while what happened, SP?, spill the beans, Sweetie", she said, with an encouraging warm Scottish sympathetic smile. She happens to be a top therapist in NY which makes her a great eat but sometimes her advice is hard to swallow.