But you are not Goldilocks she had blond hair, Said Cuddles.

"No I am not. But she happens to be my first cousin and she told me after she regretted eating your porridge ( it was lousy and lumpy and tasteless) and sitting in your wooden chair and snoozing in your bed. She forgot her contact lenses that day and she thought she was in her own house," I lied. "A simple mistake! She told me to tell you she is sorry! Now move on, free me right away and give me a cuddle! The night air has chilled my bones and I am freezing and aching! "

"Free her! Do it now ! Forgiveness is the key to happiness! " piped in Roland the Rat who had been watching it all. " I don't want her round here, she never stops whining and disturbs my peace! Only you has the strength to pull off those shackles! Once you free her you will symbolically be setting yourself free from your past tyranny of women! Free her and free yourself from
The Chains of Oppression and set an example to the other bears! They look to you for guidance ! " he snarled, giving me a sly wink. Who knew Roland was such a philosopher he must have been taking the workshops.

"I must do it! Step aside all! Cuddles the Defender is here!"

With one deft punch with his paw he broke the shackles and I was FREE! Hurrah ! He cuddled me to warm me up. My ordeal is over at last!
"Love me tender, love me true!" Cuddles was a fine singer indeed, chunky, manly or bearly, strong, heroic, he had everything I was looking for in a man! Ok so he is a bear but that is a minor detail! Wee Mumsy will love him after he raves about her porridge I know it! All will be well at last !
"Elvis Cuddles Bear, you are my hero! Wait till I tell my cousin Goldilocks she was wrong about you all these years! Thank you! Ring out the bells I am free!"

Did you mean me, Fair Lady? Elvis Cuddles Bear to the rescue !

Stand aside critters and cowboys! An injustice has been done to our princess and she must be freed tout de suite so the bells can ring out again in Ramblewood.
Cuddles was magnificent, brave and bold I could not ask for a finer Bear in shining armor. Also he was big! And sort of scary, well not really. His Elvis suit was a little tight and one of the buttons had popped out. Nothing the royal chambermaid could not fix of course.
"A mission at last! All night I have wandered around looking for the little girl who ate my porridge to tell her all is forgiven, let's be friends and settle centuries of rivalry. Are you that girl, did you eat my porridge? I just did a meditation compassion and forgiveness workshop up at Kenny and Sheila's Chemistry Sanctuary and I was told I must move on from the porridge incident. That was delicious porridge and she had no right to eat my plate boy, if I see that lass I will maul her to pieces! " said Cuddles.

"Cuddles, what about your workshop! Did you spend two hours there and learn nothing ! You can make a fresh pot of porridge it is my national dish I will make it for you, with mushy raisins, hot maple syrup , granola and a tad brown sugar and a little guava jam as a sweetener! Wee Mumsy's recipe is unbeatable and all my loving subjects eat their porridge like that. Goldilocks took some of your plain lumpy porridge that was already cold, not such a loss! Come on get over it! You must share my porridge with me! Sharing and making new friends is better than squabbling! This is your big moment to live up to your name, croon me a song, free me and we will eat a steaming hot porridge together! You and me kiddo!
What do you say! "
It was certainly the best speech I ever gave and the fact that it was said with tomato dripping down my cheek and my neck killing me deserves even more points.

Cuddles stood for a moment, deciding which way to go, drop a lifetime struggle or not, I could see my porridge recipe intrigued him.

"Cuddles, the guava jam is so tasty! You will be in heaven! Come on free me and watch out for Sheriff Zen, he is in a foul mood as he lost at cards and is taking it out on me."

Then suddenly from out of nowhere I spied a potential rescuer! At last!

I beckoned him over in my sweetest, most seductive tone, using my most lilting of Scottish brogues.

"Oh, Cooeeeyyyy! Hey you Elvis! Yes, I mean you! Mr Handsome Chops! Look down! Look right! Over here! The stocks!"

"Smirking, sly smiles out the corner your mouth,gloating..try that for starters,"snarled Zen

"Not I. I was just thinking about a gag from Roland the Rat was all. This is pure evil, putting me in here. Some passers by could not resist squashing a rotten tomato over my face,they thought it was a great laugh. Let me out of here! Please I have lots of dough in the coffers, just set me free. Someone rescue me now. Ppppllleeaase........"
I thought the stocks was something they only had in museums, now here I am stuck. Oh, if only I was back in my prison cell it really wasn't so bad.

An hour later Zen rolled out the saloon.

He was looking pretty pissed and from
what I could see not in a mood to be tampered with.
" Darn, that cheating louse beat me again, I knew I should have never believed his bluff."
"YOU, what you laughing about insolent wench. You think this is funny.
I'll show you who is boss around here.
You thought the jail was scummy, wait till you try the stocks! That'll learn ya."
He was looking right at me and Roland had scarpered under an old arm bone of a prisoner gone by. I had only smirked the tiniest bit at the thought of him getting beat, but it really set him off.

He hauled me out of what was now seeming quite spacious and luxurious cell quarters, grabbed his keys, my arms and in two shakes of a donkey's tale I was in the stocks, for all to see and mock me. Oh, the injustice of it all, could this Day get any worse. Son!
"Zen, what did I do?" I wailed.

No sore loosers please

It seems it could be just as dangerous inside as it was outside.

A game of craps , winner takes all looked quite enticing.

It seems the stakes were high and any funny business was not recommended.

Step right inside Dearest Sheriff Zen, what tickles your fancy ce soir?

Inside Stefan Spins the proprietor of this upstanding establishment presented the guests with their options for fun for the evening.