Mirabel poses for her JDATE photo to get ready for her trip. Nicola and I agree,her repetoire of poses is limited but she still has that unique thing going for her, well she is officially extinct, and we know how much Americans love a come back. I mean if Sylvester Stallone can make a new movie at 60, Mirabel should be a sensation at several thousand years.

Sir HH is delighted he has some dating wingladies now.

  

By this stage I was getting a bit jet lagged and exhausted after all my successful recruiting of the day and I could not walk another step, as luck would have it , I managed to flag down this Wooly Mammoth, Mirabel, her name was, who was hanging out in Trafalgar Square as a warning sign that climate change leads to extinction and that could be our lot too, if we are not careful. That was all clearly explained in the HOMO BRITANNICUS leaflet that was being handed out to the Mirabel Mammoth Fans and Onlookers.

"Mirabel, let's quit this Trafalgar Square mob scene, you couldn't give me a wee lift to Buck P on your back could you, I haven't seen a yellow cab all day."

"What's that Mirabel? You like all the attention, no body has made such a fuss over you for centuries. That's nothing come and join our gang in New York, wait till the big boys see you in the Natural History Museum, you will not have a spare moment on your calender."

"Really, you think so, I always liked that New York accent."

"Absolutely. Hold still, while Sir HH, Nicola and I hop on. Let's go. Her HRH hates to be kept waiting and it is almost tea time."



 
 

Five minutes later, Sir HH had Nicola posing in the Gallery for her own JDate website photo. Quite right, she should be prepared. I think the sort of naked look will probably go down very well in New York too, very daring. Luckily she has the figure for it and can carry it off. I guess being a snowman sorry snowwoman , a full wardrobe is not really necessary. Some folks have all the luck.

  

Walking back to the Palace to tell the Queen the good news, I bump into Nicola, the ex girlfriend of the Abominable Snowman, (created by Wilfred Wood, an original collaborator with Spitting Image). She tells me she is hankering to get to New York as she simply must be in time for the first snowstorm in Central Park as she has heard, correctly I must add, that that is where the Jet Set and Who's Who of the Snowmen In Crowd like to meet in the Winter, St Moritz is very passe these days.
"Nicola, with your elegant tall stature, sexy English accent and womanly curves, you will no question stand out among the crowd in Central Park in the first snowstorm and probably get lucky, but would you mind joining us in Iraq first as we need you in our Royal Tartan Army."

"Iraq, what is the temperature over there, I don't do so well in the heat you know. Remember what happened to Raymond Briggs, movie star Snowman? Melted in the little boys bedroom by the fire. He was a good mate of mine< he should have got an oscar you know that part was so moving>" Nicola sobbed.

"We have wonderful factor 45 suncreen, DONT WORRY ABOUT A THING. We will find you a good hat too, just come along, have you met Sir HH? He is a hoot!"

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Sir Humphrey Huckleberry poses nonchalently at his palace for his New York JDATE singles web site photo, as he prepares to hit the New York dating scene with a vengeance. I convinced him he would get more dates if he kept his helmet and mask on, more mystery, don't you think? Very manly. You don't see that in New York any more.

On the way back to tell the Queen the good news about my new recruits I try to assure Sir HH that everyone loves Spamalot and Monty Python across the Pond and he will not be laughed at any more. Ah, men and their egos...

  

 

Heading to the city, I happened to meet none other than Sir Humphrey Huckleberry of Leeds, one of the leading medieval Knights of St John, having a quiet cup of tea by his castle battlements.

"Why Sir HH, would you care to join my Scottish Tartan Army? The Queen has asked me to round up the bravest in the land for our Royal Very Important Mission. You are already dressed for the part and I think it would be a very good thing for you to attend the Garden Party. If anyone causes us a spot of bother, you could always try some nasty medieval toture on them to shut them up."

Sir HH replied,"Let me let you into a secret, we Knights have never been taken seriously since Monty Python's Holy Grail. I have a slight inferiority complex, as every time I walk into a room , people start banging coconuts together as though they are riding a horse and snickering and it is most unpleasant. Gets on my wick if you must know. I fancy a change of scenery. I want to go back to the old days when a medieval knight was a figure of fear and terror and was treated with proper respect.

If I come with you do you think I may reclaim my tough image again as I have not picked up a bird or had a good snog since that infernal movie came out. I need some action."

"Why, Sir HH, in New York, you will have no shortage of dates, I assure you, women like a real man out there and chain mail is very big in the S and M clubs. If they try stopping you at Customs, just say you are one of the extras for the much adored Monty Python Broadway Blockbuster show , Spamalot."

"Mam, did you just say Monty Python.... "

"Oooppss..." 

Just as she leaves the Palace a tall dark handsome stranger with a very elegant helmet, who is also a bit on the stiff side, motions to the SP he wants a word.

" Miss SP, your royal most sweet and beautious princess, with skin so fair and hair so raven black and lips so pure, word of your honorable mission to sort out the mess in Iraq has spread to our humble ranks( via a memo from the Queen )and I would be most interested in joining the brave Royal Scottish Tartan Army. If I could be so bold to inquire , might there be a spot for a simple Queen's Guard like me?

I am very good at standing totally still for hours even while hundreds of annoying tourists take lots of silly photos of me and doing the goose step up and down the Palace Walk every ten minutes. Do these skills transfer well to the middle east? "

HHHHmmmmmm..... well, they might do, kind of, a bit, sort of, not really ... I thought. However, one had to admit, his patter was first class, his frank honesty refreshing and serving the queen all these years had made him so terribly polite, well how could I refuse? I have always been a sucker for good manners. One thing I love in a man is an ability to address the SP correctly. Plus, I needed a new bodyguard. Why not give him a chance?

"Most certainly, you must join our Honorable Tartan Army. Please just come as you are."


  

HRH The Queen summons the SP for a meeting at Buck P, London ( as we insiders call Buckingham Palace ) to gather some new suitably fierce troops and allies for the Royal Scottish Tartan Army.

The SP is sent to roam the streets of London in search of worthy, brave allies and soldiers to take back to Iraq for their much hyped Royal Garden Party. Paris Hilton does not make the invite list.

  

gurushabad: LIFE

http://adventuresofascottishprincess.blogspot.com/
excellent quotes

check out this interesting blog for quotes on life and the meaning of life
the scottish princess

As the world watches the press conference with baited breath, there is only one step left before the Mission commences.

The Pope himself blesses the SP and HRH Royal Scottish Tartan Army and wishes them the very best of luck for their Iraqi Garden Party Secret Mission.

(Note the SP is in disguise in an alluring red leather mask as she has no wish to be recognized and then no doubt hounded and harrassed by all the various paparazzi, many of whom attended the final honorable papal blessing in the hope of catching that one off guard award winning shot of the SP relaxing at home with her good friend, the Pope, after the formalities are over.)


  

An official press conference is called to alert the nation of Donny H Rumsfeld's more attractive with cuter accent replacement (your very own SP) and to inform the viewers of the Royal Mission of the SP and HRH Tartan Army to Save the Day in Iraq.

The world watches and prays and hopes this time things will be different.
  

The SP decides if she is going to Iraq and is now at risk of either ending up in two even pieces if the Wild and Wicked White Jester performs his garden party piece de resistance trick -

or being kidnapped by a hooded terrorist faction that speak no English or Scottish,

it is absolutely time to hire her own personal bodyguard, Ernie the Enigmatic Elf, whose courage and skillful axe welding techniques are legendry in the mythical world. One hopes he will be a match for all or any barbarians, whatever their garb or preference may be.

Ernie is also well versed in getting reservations at the toughest and newest restaurants in New York and even has secured last minute appointments with Frederick Fekkai's top colorist, who was ready and willing, at the SP's command, to have a go at the Wicked Witch from Nanuet, Rockland County, disastrous hairdo,obviously before the Witch stupidly tried to boil the SP in her Le Creuset cauldron ( but that is another story, see earlier blog for details).

  

THe Wild and Wicked White Jester promises from now on he will behave and he and Batman have already made plans to go to Borat the movie next week and are the best of pals now.

He swears he is ready to join the Scottish Tartan Army and defend the cause of the SP and HRH, with Batman by his side and even offers to do some magic tricks to entertain the guests at the Iraqi Royal Garden Party.

THe SP is not convinced, particularly when she hears that his first trick is to saw her in half in front of all the guests.

  

The SP commands the Wild and Wicked White Jester to make friends with Batman immediately and join the Royal Scottish Tartan Army and start doing something positive and making a difference with his life, instead of simply causing trouble by doing mischievous tricks like polluting our rivers and trying to blow up the UN Building.

  

When Batman heard that Superman is already taking a major role in this SP and her RH (Royal Highness) Save the Day in Iraq and Do a Way Better Job than Donny H Rumsfeld Mission, he was quite miffed at not being invited to join in earlier.

As we do not like to appear to show any favoritism where Superheroes are involved, we agreed to let Batman come on board and serve scones and sign autographs at the Garden Party, but only on one strict condition : -

He must promise that he and his eternal enemy, that scoundrel that all of us fear here in New York City, The Wicked and Wild White Jester Man, agree to stop squabbling and join forces instead. From here on they are to focus on something important - helping us with the Tartan Army's Mission to save Iraq, rather than vie for the best reviews in the next Batman movie.

  

The famous and fierce Mighty Metro Card Warriers will attend the Garden Party and offer all Iraqis on both sides free metro rides for a month on New York subways, if they can only agree to stop fighting( a saving of nearly $80 and amounting to a yearly wage for some of the poorer fighting factions so well worth it ).

The offer does not extend to terrorists or Suicide Bombers unless they can prove that terrorism was just a phase they were going through and they are totally reformed and good as gold now.

From General FFFB III's secret intelligence sources, we have learned that many warring individuals in Iraq are secretly dying be a tourist and dream of going to Times Square, seeing a Broadway Show, cuddling up under a cozy blanket on a horse and carriage ride around Central Park, and of course taking photos from the top of the Empire State Building at night. Now is their chance.

The NY Tourism Board are delighted with this plan and agree to extend the opening hours of the Empire State and light it up for that month with the colors of the national flag of Iraq as a welcoming gesture. If anyone actually knows the colors, please let us know ASAP.


  

Elton John insists on entertaining everyone at the Garden Party, and we all agree nothing brings opposing sides together better than a jolly good sing a long of "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road."

After his fabulous concert, political negotiations may commence and will most likely run smoothly for the first time as everyone will be in such a good mood. Elton even agreed to do requests from the audience, although his arabic is minimal.


  

Superman also kindly volunteered to keep an eye on things in the East Village while the SP and Queen are away fighting abroad.

Here he is on a St Marks rooftop, poised and ready to take off to wherever he is most needed or where General FFFB III tells him he should go.( He is not a strong swimmer, contrary to common myth that he is strong in every area.)


  

Heading up the SP and the Queen's Royal Tartan Army, as they have been called, and in charge of directing the troops, is the famous and widely feared South American dictator, sorry esteemed General, Fredericko Fernandez Franco Bianco III.

The last person who got on the wrong side of him disappeared down the Amazon. The person before that disappeared down the Nile. The one before that the Ganges. He has a penchant for rivers.

  

If anyone dares to misbehave at the Queens Garden Party, Merlin the Magic Wizard, will put a stop to any nonsense. When he holds his hand out like so, everyone causing trouble in his path is put under a magic spell that will put them to sleep for a hundred years, by which time most people will have moved on to another battle somewhere else.

  

After the dramatic resignation of Donald H Rumsfeld and sweep of the democrats to power, ardent followers of the SP and the SP herself decide that there is now a good vacant spot for her to move in and right a few wrongs where no one has succeeded before her. 150,000 civilian deaths in Iraq, not to mention the loss of too many of our troops is way out of hand and something must be done, by someone else. Time is of the essence. The SP holds a round table meeting of the great and the good to see about a plan B.
Her first guest at the SP Round Table is none other than her Royal Majesty herself, the Queen, and I do not mean the Hellen Mirren version.

The SP and the Queen decide for the sake of the suffering people in Iraq, it is time to let bygones be bygones and that next summer for sure the SP will at the top of the list for her garden party. With that agreed, they then proceed to formulate a royal plan to save the day. The Queen suggests that she could hold a royal garden party in Iraq, invite all the various argy bargying sides to tea and over some freshly made jam scones and soothing violen music, sort everything and everyone out. Very few dare argue with the Queen. An excellent idea, but in case things get out of hand, the SP and the Queen decide to assemble their own army, hitherto unbeaten and a match for anyone.


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