I ran home, sobbing with every step.

On the way home on Second Avenue and 7th Street, I saw one of Rufus' Kiss Buddy Cronies, cradling a toy baby, wearing a mask and a pink wig, some sort of odd disguise.

"Did you hear the terrible news," I cried, "this is all your fault, look at what happened to Carmel, because Rufus and you lot refused to back off and kept sharpening your knives and planning all sorts of pork recipies. Look what you have done. Carmel is gone for ever, stretched and bloated and stuffed like a sausage, one of yours, no less."

"My fault," he laughed, "it was you who started the whole thing off, not us. Now scram, you are blowing my cover. Be off with you, SP, trouble maker. Coochie Coo, Coochie Coo, babykins."

"What are you supposed to be with that daft disguise, I knew it was you, you horrid lout, from a mile off. "I shouted back at the Kiss Cronie.

"A nanny,'" he said. "Now scram or I will smack your bottie too."

I didn't need any more encouragement than that. So I scrammed.

But Carmel did not move, woof, nothing. He was frozen for ever in the St Mark's shop window. Someone who knew exactly what they were doing, that I would be walking home this route as I always do, had laid this evil trap for me.

Yes, some hideous, cruel, vile fiend had blown him up like a giant balloon dog ala Jeff Koons style, stuffed him like a moose and placed him on top of a hospital trolly with the torture tools underneath for all to see. There was a tear coming out of Carmel's left eye,which broke my heart.

"Carmel, please come back to life." I banged and banged on the store window. Nothing.

My only consolation was that I knew exactly who had done this terrible thing to an innocent messenger dog. Yes and I know you chaps out there know who it was too.

{Tell me , SP followers, why is it that the messenger always gets killed, even if he is only a wee dog. The exact same thing happened to Xerxes' messenger in 300. He was thrown down a terrifying bottomless pit which led to the bowels of hell for all I know, for simply doing his job, it is just not fair.}

Sure enough, in the corner of the shop window was a little business card w P in gold letters engraved on it.

It read : " SP, keep out of this. Let this be a warning to you, or you and your other four legged doggy pals will end up on a hospital trolly too. Window Shopping ain't what it used to be! Ha! Grunt, Grunt. P."

Blimy I thought, pure evil, Percy has totally lost it. Rufus, help! What to do ? the Sad Angel will totally flip. Poor Carmel, how can I ever forgive myself, I promised him he would be safe.

"NO, NO, NO, IT CAN NOT BE. " I gasped. "Not my new best favorite wee Doggy pal, Carmel. Surely not. He couldn't. Percy is a good kind of a Pig, he just wouldn't do this."

I started crying hysterically on the street. "Carmel, I cried to the store window, "It's me, your SP, talk to me. Woof to me. Look I have one of your beloved raw veggie doggy chews in my pocket, come and get it, please Carmel."

Just one hour later, walking home from a jolly delicious pasta lemon spaghetti special dinner a hideous sight stopped me in my tracks.

Wee Doggy Carmel caught my eye, slinking out the back door, where all the waiters were standing smoking and catching up on the day's news. I thought I heard the words dogs, pigs and viscous war from a large handsome beefy Italian , but I knew I was totally just being paranoid now.

"Carmel, my messenger doggie wee pal, come and get a yummy raw organic veggie chew from your SP, for being so brave to come and tell me this scary news. Don't worry you will be fine. You are totally safe with me, I will never let anything happen to you. Come and pose for my world famous comedy blog. Remember what happened to Rufus, he is a big movie star now."

So Carmel ate my chew, believe it or not, I guess he was totally starving as he had been in hiding for a month and even posed for a photo with me, in hope of starting off his own movie career. After all, I told him, you are way cuter than Rufus.

I then went to one of my favorite East Village hang outs,Franks, for dinner to reflect on the odd way life takes funny turns and now perhaps silly old Rufus the Firemutt is even more famous than me, with his own personal movie, and he was a total nobody before he met men and not one director has approached me yet to make MY SP movie, when I heard a muffled "Woof, Woof, Woof" coming from under a coat under one of the chairs.


"Miss SP, over here, under the green jacket, yes over here."

"Who me?", I asked the coat, not sure who else to address.

"How many other SP's are there in this town?" the doggy coat replied.

"True enough."

"I am Carmel, a toffee colored mongrel dog,living in midtown, and I come as a messenger from all the Mutts in this town. We have all had to go in hiding as the Pigs are after us and have been threatening to send us to China so we will be turned into some vile doggy stew. You must help us. Stop the War NOW."

"The Iraq war? Yes I am working on that one with my old pal and Oscar winner the Queen. Did you hear about our Royal Garden Party idea? Should sort it all out in a jiffy, once I get over there of course."

No, you dope,"Carmel growled back, "Our war. The Viscious Pig and Dog War in NYC. It is going to be a major blood bath."

"Oh, that War.Don't be silly Rufus is too famous now for that type of thing, he won't want to gert his paws dirty and jeopardize his movie carreer,I hear he is up for an Oscar, first ever dog oscar in fact. You can come out of hiding, silly mutt."

Carmel shook his little head and went back under the covers," Fool," I heard him woof to himself, "if only she knew."

Knew what, WHAT? Tell me, but when I looked under the coat Carmel had gone.

Well as some of you avid blog readers may have noticed, I have been keeping a very low profile this past month, since the Viscous War of the Dogs and the Pigs in New York City was announced. Rumours have been flying all over town, that I started this whole thing off.

For my own personal safety, I denied everything. "I think there may be another Princess at fault," I countered, "I heard there was an Irish Princess in town last month, causing all sorts of mayhem."

I am not sure anyone really believed me. Then I happened to be at the cinema in Union Square to see 300 , a terribly violent cartoon movie, perfect for boys age 15, about how brave the Spartans are and how much they love killing everyone in sight, when I saw this poster.

Jesus, I thought, thanks to my blog Rufus has become FAMOUS! He is now a movie star, probably has a chauffered limo and everything and loads of fans, humans, dogs, babies, firemen, chasing after him. ALL THANKS TO ME. You would think the least he could do is call off this silly war. He is probably too busy having his make up done in special doggy trailers for interviews on Larry King or Saturday Night Live to have the time to even think of chasing poor Percy and eating him up. Phew! I thought, thank goodness for that, life does take an unexpected turn when you least when you expect it.