"SP, dump that old fashioned bike and come and have a ride in my playa sports car, it is very nifty." said a stripy lady.

"Are you sure there is room, it sure looks way more fun and relaxing than struggling through the muddy sand on my bike at 2 miles per hour, budge over, mam. Where should I sit?"

"Here SP smile!" said the tall pink lady, taking my photo, although she was a tad more spectacular than me, if a little less famous,I had to admit.

"What do you want my photo for, look at you, how does it feel to be so tall, must make spotting the hunks much easier, lucky you."

I was very thirsty from all the biking around but too small to be refreshed at the High Chair Smoky Saloon.

"If you could just stop being cool for a wee moment and throw us down a water would you, Jimmy,please, I am fair gasping with thirst doon here?" I asked in my best "Glesga" accent.

These folks are called the lamp lighters and they wear special fancy costumes and come out at dusk.

It is a very special moment and this shot will probably go straight to the cover of national geographic as well.

Here I am Burning Man 08, the theme this year is the American Dream. It is my fifth year in a row and next year I am going to suggest they call it Burning Scottish Princess 09, as long as they do not take that too literally. I always liked the story of Joan of Arc , but not that much.

As you can see the mode of transport du jour is a trusty bike. I decorated mine with sunflowers and flashing lights and a soft cushion with gold fringing to protect my royal derriere. As it is supposed to be an American theme, I wore a white cowboy hat purchased for $15 at Saint Marks at one of the Indian stands.

I am off for an adventure. Easy to find on the playa.

Wow, what a shot, worth shivering all night for. I wonder what the national geographic will pay for something of this unique quality.

Feeling connected to God and the sea and the sand and the sun and all beings , I realized it had been quite some time since I embarked on an adventure of love and passion and glamour, or at least a good costume party.

The giant orb of the sun started heralding the day, glowing a burnishing orange.

I sat on the beach, shivering in my indian wool blanket, trying to remember the sanskrit sunrise invocation prayer we learnt at Sivananda Ashram in the Bahamas, which is supposed to open your third eye and strengthen your godly powers. Shuka, Puka, Luka, no that is not it. Darn, should have brought my journal.

Right make something up yourself.

"Oh holy sun of magnificent orange hues, grant me and all beings love, freedom, health and happiness (especially me) and turn everybody vegetarian."

I like that, short, to the point, unselfish and kind and thoughtful, what one would expect from the SP.

Satisfied I turned back to gazing at the sun bursting through the sky and rising in all it's glory, over the shimmery sea.

At 5.30am finally the sun came up, in colors of magnificent pink, yellow and orange.
The sea was tinged salmon pink and gave off a soft,shimmery, magical glow.

Stalin and all the fiends at the Schubert House in Berlin seemed now only a distant memory.

The next weekend I was back at the beach, Gibson Beach in the Hamptons to be precise.

It was a full moon, a good night to invoke blessings, make powerful prayers, CONNECT...... to a greater power than myself.

But what did I really want to connect to? I sat shivering on the beach, trying to decide.

I snuck inside the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra just in time for a beautiful concert.

I was shaking but no one seemed to notice.

Last thing I remember was falling asleep to the sound of Shubert Sonata A, my favorite piece of music.

I glanced back at the Shubert Mansion, for a last look. A soldier dummy with no face and a notice which read "Do Not Move or Touch Any Object Ever or Face Execution At Dawn," was standing by the Exit Door.

He looked at me with his expressionless white cloth face. He seemed to say, "You did the right thing leaving here as no one ever returns from the Shubert Mansion. Look at me , they enticed me to stay and now I stand lonely forever at the Exit Door , my handsome face gone. That Staircase Lady was once a beautiful young free princess like you, now look at her, chained to the stairs, a lifeless doll. The Three Graces once French tourists now stuck together, charged to look after this house.

Flee Princess as far as you can and tell no one about what you saw here. ( The blog does not count though.)He seemed to say, but maybe he said nothing at all.

Whatever, I have had just about enough of this Berlin Adventure. I will stick to the Hamptons safer and more predictable.

"In this house everything stays exactly as it is and that is an order or I send you to Siberia, SP. Got it. No dusting, no rearranging.Just do what the Graces say, wear what they make you ( URGH that purple tutu, no siree)and shut up and no whining in Shubert Mansion.

You are very lucky to be in the most desirable residence in Berlin and if you don't agree, we shoot you." said Stalin's bust most convincingly, an evil glint in his wooden eye, his black moustache curling up with his snarl.

I thought Stalin was supposed to be long gone, what a Roomie he will make, who does he think he is bossing the SP around and threatening me.

"Ey Big Man, Stalin, you are dead, I visited your tomb or at least I have read about people visiting your tomb so I am not frightened of you.

None the less, I am leaving you, the Masked Fiend and The Three Graces. Find some other rich American tourist to take over this junk shop, remember I am Scottish, no one pulls the wool over my eyes! This place sucks.It is not for me. I don't mean to be ungrateful but Stalin and the SP could never room together, two strong willful personalities like us would be a disaster."

See Ya!

I ran down the staircase, passed the creepy Staircase Lady, who winked at me on the way down, past the fireplace, the chandaliers and only just stopping to grab my purple spiked tutu , I made a sharp exit on to the street.

The Fiend called after me. "SP, you make a mistake, you will be so happy here, we serve struedel every day."

But I couldn't hear him as this time it was me that was running. Puff, puff, puff, if only I had not had that second piece of struedel, I thought.

But they were gone, phew!

"Who is this another Lady in Waiting?"

"Oh no, this is the Staircase Lady, she never moves or talks but keeps an eye on who comes up and down the stairs."

Whatever for, I thought.

"She can have a day off, she looks bored and miserable,can't we move her to help me clear out all this junk. I will never get my own stuff in here it is so cluttered." She is off staircase duty as of now.

"I am exhausted, when does the tour end, I must take a seat, where is the bedroom please, Ladies?"

The place stretched for miles and was filled with piles of junk everywhere.

"Your elegant dining room for literary soirees."They chimed in chorus.

It looks like an old junk shop to me, I thought.

"I love it," I lied.

"This is your new fireplace and chandalier, do you like it,mam?"

Very grand, but again is it me?

Come this way SP , said the Graces.

"We designed this outfit for you for Burning Man Festival in Black Rock City, Nevada. We hear tutus are all the rage and everyone goes topless. You will be most fabulous Princess on the Playa. Please try it on now in case we must make adjustments to size."

"Now, I can't walk around Berlin in that I will be arrested. I love it though, I will carry it on the plane in case BA loose my luggage again. The spikes are very original too! You ladies must take another day off as a reward."

They certainly had the right idea for Burning Man, but was it me? I was not sure if I was quite ready to be this bold, although as you know many of my peers are doing the topless thing nae bother at aw at home. But me, hhhmmm...

"These are the Three Graces, Maple, Avril and Delilah. They are both your bodyguards, your Ladies in Waiting and your Fashion Advisors. They are at your service."

What a gloomy looking lot and what is with the blue sullen, faces and netting on the hats. I like cheerful, jolly ladies in waiting.

"What lovely ladies they are, they will be a huge help to me." I said politely.

"Good afternoon Ladies." I nodded.

"Gooden Afternoon Miss SP."They replied in unison, with a curtsey. "We like your gold coat but we not like your ugly sandals, they must go. "

[What a cheek. This will get annoying fast, I thought. What do Germans know about NY fashion?]

When is their day off, Fiend, they are working too hard already.

"Madame Princess we have arrived. Relax, all is well, take off your shoes. Welcome to the new SP Berlin secret residence. Come this way, " he smiled in a most disarming, almost handsome alluring manner.

"Come, we are late.I told you no stops, yet you took photos along the way and bought a half price sweatshirt for Wee Mumsy when I could have shown you a better place, however never mind you are here now. Welcome to the Shubert Mansion. "

Look at all these yummy Berlin goodies, stop, stop stop, surely you must be hungry yourself. A flan, pastry, white asparagus souffle? In season only this week. Anything Fiend, where are you, I am starving with all this chasing around whilly nilly through the streets, I almost lost my heel of my Prada strappy sandal, not that you would care, but my other boots are lost in airpost cyberspace so I need these ones.

I need a refreshment instantly, I ordered the fiend , SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP......." I sobbed gulping for air , my hand reaching around the shop window for a piece of apricot flan.

"I am hungry I want some struedel in this fine eating establishment, oh stop a wee minute for a coffee, please Sir."

But no I hurried after the Fiend, working up a fine appetite for another piece of struedel all the while.

"Oh masked fiend , I want to get a sweatshirt for Wee Mumsy, Stop! I must go shopping, no one stops the SP from buying souvenirs, I have a mission from the US government and the Fed to prop up the global economy with my purchasing power. Come back... please....
I promised WeeMumsy...."

But to no avail, he had slipped through the cars.

We zoomed through the Brandenburg gate and I only had a minute to snap a quick photo.

"No photos, he barked, "Move it, SP."

"People still are watching behind those bullet riddled walls don't be fooled by the yummy struedel and happy Berlin Bears."

What is he on about. Slow down you, I am getting heart burn, I need to take a photo for my blog readers."I barked back in my toughest tone but he had slipped through the cracks again and I had to rush to keep up.

We rushed past the SP part of the Berlin Wall, I was gasping, dizzy, out of breath, what was this masked fiend doing , I couldn't keep up with the skally wag. Was my new residence illegal or something?

"Slow down, masked fiend, I already had my run this morning and I just ate a giant piece of apple struedel," I burped.

"Follow me,"said the masked cloaked mysterious hadsome stranger, in a husky, velvety voice.

"Those cardboard people represent the old Berlin where people stood around all day, suffering, fed up, waiting on trains that were never on time. Those days are over now. We Berliners only wait two minutes at most for the Metro now, [I bet, I thought]I will show you your Berlin residence but come quickly please....and no photos please....."