Before I skeedaddled completely I had to stop for a tedious yet another boring photo for some society Hamptons fashion rag called Dan's Paper with my good friends Jim, Ian, Gwen and the gang. I tried to relax and look normal, luckily no one noticed I was hiding my wee doggy chum, Foo Foo, aka Paris Hilton style in my clutch bag.

And now Foo Foo is free and need no longer be a sunglasses carrier to a society Hamptons dame.

Hurrah!

On the way downstairs, I practically knocked over this famous Hamptons heiress and her matching designer dog, Foo Foo.

"Foo Foo, do you fancy a trip to NYC for a day to rescue poor Carmel and how about a diversionary barking attack while you are at it so we can take Baldy Chops with us? "

"Who me, Woofey Woofey Woof. Me, you want ME to be in a rescue mission. Oh yes please that sounds very exciting. Wait let me ask my mummy if I am allowed to go she normally likes me with her every single minute of the day and she makes me wear a pink collar so she will never loose me and I have to carry her Gucci sunglasses on the very same collar too." Barked Foo Foo excited and willing now that is more like her.

"Foo Foo, don' t ask her she will say no, she has a pursed strict look on her face,just wriggle out of her clutches and come with us now and be free, follow me. Be brave . Jump! Jump! Bark your loudest and cause a scuffle and let's get out of here and take Baldy Chops with us. Hurry.. hurry before she notices you are gone."

So we off went. Foo Foo and Dr Mark and Baldy Chaps and I skeedaddled as fast as we could.

I ran up to the roof and had another glass of champagne to quell the tears and calm me down.

"Not only that", Baldy Chops said to my friend DoctorMark from Mt Sinai, "Look where they put me. Right next to the loos, I have to listen to spoilt Hamptonites arranging secret rendezvous' all day on their cell phones and loos flushing all blinkin day for the next god knows how many years, till the rich Russian owner tires of me and auctions me off somewhere else, what a miserable fate. I wish I had never agreed to be a smiling art scultpture in the first place. I thought it would be all parties and glamor and champagne instead it is boring as hell and my face hurts from all this cheesey smiling, can't you smuggle me out of here? I promise to help on any mission you like, I do, I really do."

Wow, Mark and I thought he is really desperate, who knew there was all these sad miserable creatures who face a lifetime of terrible lonesome captivity out there? Not me. I never really appreciated how lucky I am to be free to go my merry way.

"Baldy Chops, I am putting you on my Rescue Mission to do List pile ,which is growing every day it seems, fear not, keep smiling, we will get you out of this snooty art mansion in no time.

I ran away in tears at his sad fate. Two to rescue now.This is turning into a very busy summer.

'Baldy Chops, well that is a new one, I kind of like it jsut because it came from your sweet lips. My Princess I would love to date you but I am so sorry as an important art piece in the collection I have work to do, which occupies me 24/7. " Baldy Chops said with a loving sigh and cute giggle in my direction.

"What's that, what on earth could me more important or fun that a date with me and I assure you I never ask men out, you are the first one in months and the best looking too. You would love Wee Mumsy and Big Daddykins back in our wee lochside Mc Castle."

"Oh, my SP. I sigend a contract many years ago. I must stay forever frozen in this smiling posture in this very spot by this very window, my only joy comes from you nice friendly folks like you who stop to schmooze and say hello. Even when I feel like crap, I have to have this silly, cheesey smirk on my face ,to be honest I can't stand it and I TOO am dying to escape. Do you think you can rescue me from my captivIty too, how about a two for one rescue package. Please Please help me." he whispered in my ear, all the while smiling, smiling ,smiling. Kind of confusing it was, after all those champagnes.

I was wondering around the house , well more like stumbling after all the glasses of champagne I had consumed by then, when I came across a most delightful, super friendly, talking red naked sculpture.

"Baldy Chops, I affectionately called him, "is there anyone or anything here in this house other than art that might help me oot and do you fancy a wee date with me , you are the most interesting and best looking man I have met in a week out here and you live in a fabulous beachfront McMansion, are you single, available or interested?"

I took Whitey's suggestion up of another glass of champagne to help my concentration and pondering abilities. A few glasses later I cvame to the conclusion, he did have a very good point about ruining one's best white Hamptons outfit scrambling around filthy East Village reastaurant rooftops on a perfectly beautiful summer's day.

I went in to the South Hampton's art lover house to try and relax and ponder on my next step and see if might have better luck inside.

My hero to be was not remotely excited or interested. " I am afraid, not my dear SP. Do you see how white my white trouser suit is, how sparkling clean,suave and adorable I look at this very moment in this divine beachfront setting? Rescue a dog from a dirty East Village restaurant, not today my dear. Anyway the weather is perfect how can you even think of moving? Have another glass of champagne, your messenger dog will be fine for another day."

"OOOOh, so much for you. Don't you get it, you Dope, nothing fires up an SP more than a heroic man ready to drop everything to save the day and take part in a dramatic rescue mission, plus NYC is full of dry cleaners in case you had not noticed. Just you stay all crisp , white, perfect and LONELY then, you looser, see ya. By the way the pink socks is just overkill." See last picture SP readers and fashionistas and spot pink socks fashion faux pax.

I visited an open house designed by a famous architect in South Hampton and asked this chappy dressed in white if he wanted to add his skills to my rescue mission in the city.

Sagaponik Beach in Georgica Pond, next to Steven's Spielberg's house, seemed like a good a place as any to find another fierce doggy or a single Hamptons millionaire with a heart of gold who cares about dogs stranded on top of restaurants and is looking for a SP to spoil rotten. One has to multi task these days.

The clouds were a beautiful pink soft hue and the whole sky glowed a dusky peach rose color.

It was peaceful and still. It seemed like someone up there was listening to our prayers.

Carmel will be free soon for sure.

That night there was a very beautiful sunset on Long Beach, Sag Harbor.

Sasha and I did a quiet meditation and prayer for the safety and freedom of Carmel, my messenger dog.

Rocky said, " Ruff Ruff, count me in. Take me to Carmel, I will get him down in a jiffy, no one messes with Rocky."

Great, lucky I came to the beach to sunbathe, I mean to gather Doggy Warriors.

At Sag Harbor on Long Bech, Sasha and I found this lovely husky puppy,called Rocky.

I showed him Carmel's picture and asked Rocky, "Please can you help us rescue him from being an east village hot dog rooftop decoration. We are gathering a doggie army.Are you in? "

"Carmel", I whispered up to his doogy ears, "do not worry. The SP will gather some other fierce dogs and we will rescue you, we will unleash you and free you, and save you from this most humiliating captivity. I am on top of it. I promise not to go to one more party till you are free. Trust me."

Carmel looked down at me with those big brown soulful eyes.

" SP, my neck hurts, I am stiff, I want to play with my friends and sniff other dogs like I used to when I was small, cute, free and happy. YOU got me into this mess. Those Pigs and their henchmen opened this hot dog restaurant which they called Good Dog as some kind of a sick joke and warning to my fellow canine friends.

I have had nothing but hot dogs to eat for a month, in the beginning it was not so bad as I used to love hot dogs but now I spit them out over the bratty east village customers heads if I can aim correctly, it is my only fun these days.

You wouldn't happen to have one of those organic raw veggie chews on you, I am so starving I would even consider eating them.

GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW. The Sad Angel is most displeased, most displeased indeed."

"Gulp, she has been by and saw you, oh dear." I said, this is bad.

SP to the Rescue. I do love a rescue mission myself, gives you a noble reason to get up in the morning other than my normal reason - self amusement. I heard the Hamptons has some very fierce dogs I think I will see what I can do out there. Also I heard they have rich handsome single men with McMansions who may want to help me on my mission. I had better get packing my best designer togs.

Look what happened to poor Carmel the messenger dog. A ROOFTOP DECORATION!

It is beyond awful.

They chained him up and made a sick memorial for him, turned him into part of the rooftop awning decoration of an east village hot dog restaurant , shameful. It's not even kosher. It may look like he is happy and smiling to you butI assure you he is there under duress.

We know that Percy the Pig has sent a message to all dogs out there in New Yawk City, do not meddle in my affairs or you will end up as a non kosher hot dog restaurant rooftop decoration. Many centuries ago poor Jesus was crucified when he was totally innocent and all he did was perform a few charitable miracles and now in our own times, we have the same dastardly deed with poor Carmel' suffering put on show for all to see. It is a wonder those restaurant patrons do not have a heart and can sit there nonchalantly waiting on their dogs without a thought for poor Carmel suspended forever on the roof. I guess that is why they had to chainCarmel up or he would probably pounce on those two twits he is so rightfully mad.