SP, what is the commotion about, you will wake Raphy, please quieten down

"You have been in the loo for ages , are you ok?

Why are you staring at my son's Y Fronts? Have you picked up some wierdo perverted fetish for young lads undies in NY, honestly SP what next with you, this is very sad really. "
She was non too pleased.

I can explain, it is the Skelly logo that upsets me, They will seize him. Raphy must burn these undies right away and I hope no one knows he has them. He is in very grave danger , I repeat, very grave danger.

"Never have I heard such nonsense in my life. These are my son's favorite undies and we are not burning them nor throwing them away. Now we can talk about something else, please, all this Skelly claptrap is boring and tiresome. Surely you must have some news, you must have had one or two good dates, is there still no one?"

I think I prefer to talk about Skellys than dates, more exciting by far.

"Well, there is this one guy but it all went horribly wrong within 5 minutes because he didn't like the SP sense of humor," blah, blah, I droned on and on and she nodded sympathetically as friends do, but on the way out I pocketed the offending undies and socks and shoved them in an outdoor bin with a lid. I can't take any chances especially with Wee Raphy, he doesn't want a future of ironing Skelly shirts, well they don't wear shirts, make that ironing grimy blankets with Batwing droppings.

Exhausted after a fruitless day of Skelly Hunting

I went to visit my best friend Desiree in her Maida Vale residence , and if there wasn't a pair of miniature Skelly socks and wee Raphael boy undies hanging to dry over the radiator. I was stunned.

The Skellys are smart going for the young 'uns. What no one realizes is if you wear their logo that is the secret signal that you are on their side. Don't think joining them will protect you, it just identifies you as a first easy, slave target. Soon they will have you pouring their tea, or should I say hot grime slush as that is what they drink, frying their bats wings, giving their bones a seaweed salt scrub, taking their photos, who knows what other slimy menial tasks are in store. None of them fun, that I know.

I have to warn Desiree immediately , her darling son is in great danger wearing these undergarments.

London is full of monuments that make perfect Skelly hideouts

But everywhere I looked I came up blank.

On the way home we passed a very stern and serious Buckingham Palace guard standing very erect at his post

"Er, excuse me is the Queen at home? I am the SP and we are distant cousins, you know, except I have more LLS and blog followers than her , so she is a tad jealous of me but lets not go there now. By the way, have you seen a stray Skelly on the loose?I know you would mash him up with that weapon of yours, so I am sure they avoid you like the plague."

He stood very stiff and uttered not a peep, so I just took his photo very casually and moved on.

Saint Twit, the patron saint of Tweeting smiled down at me from his prominent mosaic in the Abbey

"Don't despair,SP. Just tweet your SP Followers, Skelly Sighting at WA a hoax, false alarm. Go back to your daily business."

All the birds twittered in unison next to him. I think they were secretly laughing together at my bungled Skelly Hunting fiasco. Saint Twit had a funny smirk on his noggin too. Ah well. They should be pleased to see me, not every day the SP darkens the door of the Abbey, I am Jewish after all.

The Abbey was very impressive but seemed very devoid of ghouls and you know what's.

It was very peaceful and the incense made me want to meditate but there was not a minute to waste.

My searching had been fruitless . I guess catching a Skelly is like finding a good Prince who falls madly in love with you the moment he claps eyes on you , damn nigh almost impossible.

Ok I must keep my spirits up or wee Kenzie will wonder what is wrong with his Auntie SP.

That was a total wild goose chase but at least I got to see the abbey before all the crowds descend for William and Kate Middleton's wedding.

( how did she do it? she managed to nab her Prince Wills, surely she could put a book out on How to Nab Your Prince and rise from Commoner to Royalty. I think it would be an instant best seller.

Now my book , The SP Guide to Catching Skellys and Turning an Enemy into a Friend , so far it is not even a page written. I also plan to publish Dating Skellys, Dos and Donts. ( after my experience with Sam Skelly) Don't wear white as they are very grubby. Don't refuse the Batwing snacks they get very offended, just discreetly spit into a plant pot. Don't tell them you are dating others , they are highly possessive. Do accept a massage as their bony fingers get in all the nooks.

Inside the abbey I searched high and low for Skelly signs

Mosaics - tick
People looking very virtuous whilst praying - tick
Candles, large and small - tick
Pictures of Jesus and other holy figures - tick
Skellys - x cross - none where were the scoundrels hiding? Urgh.

I started looking under the pews but after a few cold stares, despite my " looking for my contact lens" line, I stood in the middle of the abbey. Zilcho Skellys, maybe they were at lunch, napping , dating, at a conference, at a meeting, working in doctors offices , hiding in paintings waiting to spring out at night, who knows!

My sister was so impressed I could read the Latin on the front

Please bring any prospective boyfriends here once they see what a dab hand you are at Latin, they will ask for your hand immediately.

Behind you, the abbey I see it!

Now where was the Skelly hiding ? I can't wait to catch one, boy will he get it from me.

Let's look at the A to Z, Westminster Abbey what would that be under? W?

My sister is so resourceful , wish I had thought of that.

We jumped on the bus, in London you use the old oyster card and you can get anywhere

Georgia and Kendra gripped Kenzie as he was jumping up and down at the thought of seeing a real live Skelly in the flesh, well in the bones.

"He looks friendly, let's ask him, Sis."

"Please Sir, did you hear a Skelly is on the loose. Sculptures normally get the scoop first as they all talk to each other. How do we get to the abbey?"

"SP, I am just a temporary art piece and still getting the hang of London, why not look at the map, I am stuck here by the Canal, would love to see the abbey , can I join you all? I will show the Skellys a thing or two." Wow, that was a brave sculpture, fearless!

Suddenly my 4G started ringing - urgent message - Skelly Sighting

Sorry everyone we need to go investigate, Hyde Park will be here tomorrow.

"Sis, what is the fastest way to Westminster abbey? "

Kenzie , look ART, repeat after me I love Anish Kapoor

You must start them young, no philistines allowed in my family.

My sister Georgia and her son Kenzie were both impressed by the Anish Kapoor piece in the park and oowed and aahed

Kenzie, one day when you grow big you will be a famous art collector too, so start appreciating art now, never too early, I told my wee nephew, but he was far more interested in the spring flowers.

The next day very refreshed after my nap, I walked around the sweeping lawns of Hyde Park.

Bang flat in the middle of the big lawn, was a ginormous Anish Kapoor mirror. People were taking photos. Nobody looked peckishly at the piece. If Wendy's family were in the park, they may want to take a bite out of it and that could be a potentially dangerous move for them as public art is protected by the state and not meant for human consumption even by famous art collectors.

Goodnight all, don't mention I am up here

please, a wee nap is just what I need.

Nighty, nighty,
Pajama, pajama. ( that is what Wee Mumsy says )

Please God keep me safe and don't let the Skellys get me in my sleep, or anywhere else for that matter.

God bless the LLS.

God bless the SP. Long may I reign in peace.

God please free Ai Wei Wei, the rotten Chinese government put him in jail. Please make sure he comes to no harm.

God, please help all the Japanese people after all their suffering from the tsunami and earthquake and help build them new homes.

God, please help all the poor Arab and African people who are fighting for their freedom. Many have asked that the horrid dictators like Gaddafi who rule them be instantly deposed and replaced by a fun, friendly, sexy, well dressed ruler, ie. the SP, that would be me.

I really would like to rule over all these countries but the weather may be a bit hot and they don't have the Hamptons or Prada so it may not work. But I could always do a brief ruling sabbatical then come back to the Hamptons for the weekend. Mind you it might be a bit far, but I would clock up the air miles. But now I have this new Amex card that gives you triple points I don't need to do so much flying. No, I should go, all these poor people have been downtrodden for too long they need someone fun and cool like me. What would Princess Diana do, she would go , she would pack the Prada motorcycle boots and go. Ok it is decided, I am going. Who wants me first, Egypt,( good sightseeing, I could pick up that Egyptian rose attar perfume I like) ..Syria, Tunisia ( good cous cous and carpets) Morocco, ( good tea, I am getting all confused with which country sells what,I am tired, that is why.)

Congo.. No way too scary. Ok I will figure out which country to go to tomorrow when I am fresher or maybe my advisors could do
something useful for a change and advise me.

Right. Back to my nap. Darn it I wasted all that time. No wait prayers are never a waste. For the second and last time night all.

( hope that wasn't Marni footsteps I just heard coming up, no, phew.)

Zzzzzzzzzz..........

I am tired, jet lagged, exhausted from fighting all the Skellys, do you think Wendy would mind...

....or even notice if I just slipped into her bed for a teeny wee nap whilst she tidies up and tries to get the stragglers to go home.

I will take my boots off..

It is so soft and furry and white and crisp and fresh and .....

Och well I will have some tomato soup instead

I wish it was tomato rice flavor but plain old tomato will do I suppose. Let's see if I can open it?

Drat, drat and double drat, F A K E. Fake as well! It is all spongy and not metal at all. What is the world coming to when you can't get a simple mouthful of soup. I guess in her house they just eat the art instead. That must get quite pricy.

( I hope no one eats the Anish Kapoor , that would be a real waste.I would eat some of the other art pieces first at least. Anyway it is not my house, they can eat what they want, I guess.)

Maybe hiding in the Marmite or Campbell's tomato soup cans?

Wait a minute they don't eat that type of thing, bats wings and grime for them.

Do you think Wendy would mind if I had a wee spoonful of Marmite we don't get it in the states and I miss it. It is a HUGE jar, biggest I ever saw in fact, one taste won't hurt anyone surely?

Awwwww, bother, it is art not Marmite at all, that totally sucks, the canapés were nice but not really filling, I was hoping a wee dash of Marmite would hit the spot. I thought she kept it in here for when she got peckish and could not be bothered running downstairs to the kitchen.

All clear! Wendy must have banned the Skellys from the party

But knowing them they will try sneak in somewhere.

It is Skelly free SP, don't worry

I checked inside and out

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anybody home?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hello, hello is there anybody in there?

She peered inside...

What about this way?

Nice angle.

I like it looking at this way, said Desiree

Can you see us hiding inside it?

Is it possible to lust over art?

I think so.

Wow on the staircase my favorite Anish Kapoor!

I ran up to check. The green color was divine. It was perfectly round and perfectly green and quite, quite wonderful.

That night Hazel, Desiree and I attended Wendy's fabulous art party in her art filled home

I was still shaky after the run in with the Skellys over lunch, but it was nothing that a few drinks and Moroccan delicacies could not fix.

Ernie was a Skelly painting, a Skelly twisted out of a silk sheet. Another kinky twist to the Skelly art representation.

"The London Revolution is going full guns ahead. All the Mayfair,Soho and Chelsea Fashionistas are wearing our clothes and the Skelly logo is everywhere. It is hot, it is new, it is exciting and people want it, NOW! No one is connecting the dots to fashion to revolution and eventual slavery. Har, har! Those snooty Londoners will soon be washing dishes and serving the Skellys while we toast the town and paint it red. All over the world, people are grasping the Skelly Message.

Fight Back! Don't be a Looser! Throw your oppressor out the window. Eat Bat Wings! Be Free , Be Me, Be A Skelly Supporter Today. Har!Har! Skellys Rule ok."

Ernie was grinning proudly through the silk sheet painting.

"Ain't nothing will stop us now. Not even you Princess. Ain't that right fellow Skellywag? We are going to Russia to eat caviar and drink vodka!"

"You got it Ernie, we rule ok. Now be on your way Princess, you are cluttering up the gallery with all your nonsense. No one knows our secret and when they finally get it, it will be too late! Har! Har times 100!" Smirked the Lounging Skelly, chuckling away to Ernie, his buddy.

So much for London being Skelly free, fat chance.

Please don't touch the exhibits that piece is very delicate. The gallery owner walked over to me, the scarf forgotten.

As I was leaving the gallery the Skelly winked at me.

"How was your date with Sam Skelly? Did he feed you bats wings at the movie? He posted on FB he is dating you now. All of us think it hysterical that while you say you hate us and want to fight us , you are dating one of us! Hardey Har!

Fancy a date with me when the gallery closes, I won't tell Sam. Let's keep it between us. I see your boyfriend bought the Skelly purple scarf, hottest fashion item in London. He is one of us, most folks are and if they aren't they soon will be, my lass.

Now how about that drink at Mortons? I have a tab there and my own table."

"Never" I said. "I will never be unfaithful to Sam. Our private life should not be sprawled over international Facebook posts. Go back to lounging on your chair, Skellywag. ( my names for naughty Skellys). Your days are numbered."

"Really,I wouldn't be too sure about that. The Revolution builds momentum every day, is that right, Ernie?"

Look I am about to be sold for 20,000 English Pounds to a Russian art collector and I will probably fly around the world as he wants me to accompany him for business meetings so push off Princess.

"The oligarch told me if I sit next to him his trade meetings will run without a hitch and I don't want you blowing my cover. Be off with you, shouldn't you be visiting your wee sister , or shopping or doing anything rather than minding my business. Be gone. As for the Skelly Revolution London it is going very well, as you can see we have successfully infiltrated the Mayfair art and fashion scene and no one suspects anything. My leader will be amused that you tried to stop us but as usual you failed miserably as no one believes you, har har!

The Skelly smiled at me as if we were best of friends.

Now move along Missy , I have some posing to do and you are messing up my sparkles."

You will get your comeuppance , wait and see. I am telling the gallery owner to dump you in the trash. Har har to you. I put that Skelly straight so I did.

The cheek of it, lounging on a chair was a sparkly glittery Skelly, looking like he owned the gallery, all smug.

Whilst Richard and the gallery owner were chatting about the scarf and she was stroking the cashmere and laughing, I turned to the Skelly and said,

"Hey you Skelly, what are you doing in the London art scene, go back to your grave where you belong. I know your game."

We strolled along Cork Street , Mayfair and decided to pop into some galleries.

A giant ape was the centerpiece . It had been sold for $250,000 to a Chinese buyer. Quite fierce maybe it could take the place of a guard dog I thought.

I asked the gallery owner very casually if she happened to have any Skelly art pieces as I explained I was a wealthy NY art collector just starting my collection and I had heard there was some exciting new underground work in London.

"Why of course, I do. I keep my Skelly art in the back room as I don't want to scare the passerbys but my piece has a half red dot already , however you can take a look if you like, but don't fall in love as it is almost gone. I do like your scarf, can you please tell me where you got it ?"she said looking at Richard, who smirked back at me.

"I must have this scarf, I love it. One hundred pounds, bargain. This is the coolest scarf in town ."

Richard, no, don't you get it the Skellys want to run London and turn all you Londoners into Mexican dishwashers and Polish street cleaners, buying this scarf shows them you are part of their gang and it could be dangerous. Can't you find another scarf, what about that stripy one instead?

"SP, don't be silly. You are talking codswallop. Get out my way, this is the last purple Skelly scarf, I love it and I am buying it and no one is stopping me with some Skelly conspiracy nonsense. Move along you are blocking the cash register, lass."

A fellow male trendy hipster grabbed the scarf out of Richard's hands.

"I"ll have that if you and your missus are fighting over it, my mate Johnny has one an' he says all the birds love it and it is a good conversation starter. It is the last one so if you don't want it, I will happily relieve you of it, matey."

"Hands off my scarf , she is not my missus, she is a princess and belongs to no one as of yet, whilst I obey her every command with pleasure I must draw the line at wardrobe restriction. The scarf is mine but I understand there is a waiting list and you can have your own within the next 6 months. Good luck now if you will excuse me." Richard whipped out his Amex and a minute later he was strolling around Berkeley Square and sure enough the ladies were oowing and ahing over the aforesaid Skelly purple cashmere scarf.

"See,"said Richard,"the scarf is a winner."

I shook my head, does no one get it.

Look closely LLS, it is a Skelly face on the pocket like some new Skelly School blazer

I went into the shop to see who sold them this Skelly line? Was it a Skelly or someone working for a Skelly? How deep were they in?

Cashmere purple scarves for men with Skelly logos

I thought at least the men would have more sense but no. In Mayfair I saw this scarf, for real. When I went in to enquire they said it is their best seller !

Yikes. London was awash with Skelly signs.

Skelly keychains and bracelets, who would wear these?

Does no one know their heinous plan, those shopkeepers are all champion dopes. Someone needs to warn them, me.

Butler and Wilson, South Molton Street , Skelly Jewellry ,euuuwww..,

I was just in London visiting family and low and behold the Skellys are over there too. Probably planning to take over London too as it is the second most important city in the world after NY.

These Skellys are smart they sneak into our hearts and minds by becoming hip fashion statements.

Does that bloke crossing the road have a Skelly on his backpack wearing a Sombrero

Another sign, the Skellys are sneaking onto people's clothes.

First you want to wear them , then you want to join their side of the Revolution and take NY from honest citizens like me and my LLS and place it in their hands and who knows what mayhem will ensue. All the delis will be filled with bat wings.

I keep seeing Skelly Memorabilia more and more. All of you out there are you seeing Skelly signs on the streets, in art, in fashion or is it just me?