Captain Lukas, I did not know dogs are allowed on the boat. Carmel will be very miffed when he finds out he could have come."

" I love my Anya Hindmarch Hamptons Handbag Dog. Look he even comes sailing with me and I do not have to worry about him peeing on the boat or falling in the water. You sit there and enjoy the nice view of Sag Harbor, my designer Doggy chum, pass the wine over would you please,Captain."

The next day I went sailing on Captain Lukas MacGregor sailboat to Shelter Island.

It seemed the dog Hamptons thing had really taken off as trendy girls were now carrying Anya Hindmarch bags with dogs on them as a substitute to having your own dog with you. This handbag dog is more user friendly for busy jet setting gals who have little time to look after a real dog but want to have the It Hamptons Hang Out with Your Dog experience.

Overheard at Bridge Hamptons Polo Match.

"Marshmallow, pay attention, this is a very important moment. Look at Nachos, the number one player go, wow, impressive. He is hot."

No I did not say eat Nachos, and you will make yourself sick if you do not stop guzzling that shrimp cocktail, since when did dogs eat seafood. "

"Miss SP, if you actually read the Saint Tropez diet book instead of flicking through it, you too would know that eating shrimp cocktail makes you slim." Marshmallow retorted licking his chops with a stray shrimp hanging out of his jaws. "Yummy, I love Polo."

"Marshmallow you know as well as me that shrimp cocktail is not kosher and so not allowed, put that down now."

That weekend it seemed the Hamptons was over run with New York dogs being seen in all the right places.

Marshmallow here insisted on going to the polo match as he heard rightly that this was the hot ticket of the day and it is murder to get in, making it all the more cool and desirable. He wore his wristband on his paw so everyone knew he was bona fide.

He didn't even watch the match instead he befriended all the famous polo players and noshed on the gourmet snacks that fell to the ground.

"Why should I move, it is very comfortable here, way better than that decrepid rickety old basket he used to make me sleep in. Plus I get to enjoy the fresh air and I look cool and nice princesses like you make a fuss of me and take my photo and make me famous by putting me in a world famous comedy blog. Hey Carmel, you got the right idea, the Hamptons is the way to go."

Charcoal said busy enjoying himself whilst working on his tan.

I went to a fabulous late night pool party only to find that Charcoal this lovely black dog had also taken up sunbathing on a lounge chair and refused to move. He did not realize you do not tan at night.

Can you believe it, as soon as the dog population in New York heard that not only had Carmel escaped but he was enjoying the life of riley and dining on steak tartare in Southhampton, other dogs took up the craze and yelped and yelped until their masters took them to the Hamptons too.

Holiday reading. Saint Tropez Diet and The Secret.

Carmel confessed to gaining a few pounds whilst in captivity on the roof of the Good Dog hot dog restaurant. However the diet book bored him silly until he saw steak tartare was allowed and it was recommended to spend most of your life in St Tropez or the Hamptons, because as it is so hot there you loose weight easily just by sweating whilst doing nothing but working on your tan. Look at him letting it all hang out at the pool and looking super cool if a tab flabby with his new sun hat and alluring purple Missoni shades.

Whilst on the roof he overheard diners going on about the book called "The Secret." so we had to buy it for him. From what we can make out dipping through the book, if you think of something you make it come to life so it is best to think about getting very rich, and have everyone fall madly in love with you and having the perfect body or anything else you want, then the law of the universe gets it for you as long as you really believe it will. Quite simple really. Carmel wants a lifetime supply of steak tartare and to spend his summers here lounging at the Shapolsky Share House Pool so he will have the perfect body. I want........ well do we have all day? My list is very exhaustive and the universe is keeping very busy hunting for the last pair of Chanel runway size 8 black suede thigh high boots with red piping.

Guess what, my plan worked. Carmel escaped from the hot dog restaurant when Dr Mark put the diners to sleep, as he is an anesthetist and he does that kind of thing every day.

Most of the East Village customers thought they were getting some cool new free drug so no one really put up a struggle even though the gang was ready to ruin our best clothes and set aboot anyone who came in our way.

Anyway as you can see, Carmel and I thought it best if we recuperate from our ordeal at the Shapolsky Share House in Southhampton.

Carmel was so exhausted after being chained to the roof of a restaurant he decided he really did not feel like moving very far from his lounge chair.

Before I skeedaddled completely I had to stop for a tedious yet another boring photo for some society Hamptons fashion rag called Dan's Paper with my good friends Jim, Ian, Gwen and the gang. I tried to relax and look normal, luckily no one noticed I was hiding my wee doggy chum, Foo Foo, aka Paris Hilton style in my clutch bag.

And now Foo Foo is free and need no longer be a sunglasses carrier to a society Hamptons dame.

Hurrah!

On the way downstairs, I practically knocked over this famous Hamptons heiress and her matching designer dog, Foo Foo.

"Foo Foo, do you fancy a trip to NYC for a day to rescue poor Carmel and how about a diversionary barking attack while you are at it so we can take Baldy Chops with us? "

"Who me, Woofey Woofey Woof. Me, you want ME to be in a rescue mission. Oh yes please that sounds very exciting. Wait let me ask my mummy if I am allowed to go she normally likes me with her every single minute of the day and she makes me wear a pink collar so she will never loose me and I have to carry her Gucci sunglasses on the very same collar too." Barked Foo Foo excited and willing now that is more like her.

"Foo Foo, don' t ask her she will say no, she has a pursed strict look on her face,just wriggle out of her clutches and come with us now and be free, follow me. Be brave . Jump! Jump! Bark your loudest and cause a scuffle and let's get out of here and take Baldy Chops with us. Hurry.. hurry before she notices you are gone."

So we off went. Foo Foo and Dr Mark and Baldy Chaps and I skeedaddled as fast as we could.

I ran up to the roof and had another glass of champagne to quell the tears and calm me down.

"Not only that", Baldy Chops said to my friend DoctorMark from Mt Sinai, "Look where they put me. Right next to the loos, I have to listen to spoilt Hamptonites arranging secret rendezvous' all day on their cell phones and loos flushing all blinkin day for the next god knows how many years, till the rich Russian owner tires of me and auctions me off somewhere else, what a miserable fate. I wish I had never agreed to be a smiling art scultpture in the first place. I thought it would be all parties and glamor and champagne instead it is boring as hell and my face hurts from all this cheesey smiling, can't you smuggle me out of here? I promise to help on any mission you like, I do, I really do."

Wow, Mark and I thought he is really desperate, who knew there was all these sad miserable creatures who face a lifetime of terrible lonesome captivity out there? Not me. I never really appreciated how lucky I am to be free to go my merry way.

"Baldy Chops, I am putting you on my Rescue Mission to do List pile ,which is growing every day it seems, fear not, keep smiling, we will get you out of this snooty art mansion in no time.

I ran away in tears at his sad fate. Two to rescue now.This is turning into a very busy summer.

'Baldy Chops, well that is a new one, I kind of like it jsut because it came from your sweet lips. My Princess I would love to date you but I am so sorry as an important art piece in the collection I have work to do, which occupies me 24/7. " Baldy Chops said with a loving sigh and cute giggle in my direction.

"What's that, what on earth could me more important or fun that a date with me and I assure you I never ask men out, you are the first one in months and the best looking too. You would love Wee Mumsy and Big Daddykins back in our wee lochside Mc Castle."

"Oh, my SP. I sigend a contract many years ago. I must stay forever frozen in this smiling posture in this very spot by this very window, my only joy comes from you nice friendly folks like you who stop to schmooze and say hello. Even when I feel like crap, I have to have this silly, cheesey smirk on my face ,to be honest I can't stand it and I TOO am dying to escape. Do you think you can rescue me from my captivIty too, how about a two for one rescue package. Please Please help me." he whispered in my ear, all the while smiling, smiling ,smiling. Kind of confusing it was, after all those champagnes.

I was wondering around the house , well more like stumbling after all the glasses of champagne I had consumed by then, when I came across a most delightful, super friendly, talking red naked sculpture.

"Baldy Chops, I affectionately called him, "is there anyone or anything here in this house other than art that might help me oot and do you fancy a wee date with me , you are the most interesting and best looking man I have met in a week out here and you live in a fabulous beachfront McMansion, are you single, available or interested?"

I took Whitey's suggestion up of another glass of champagne to help my concentration and pondering abilities. A few glasses later I cvame to the conclusion, he did have a very good point about ruining one's best white Hamptons outfit scrambling around filthy East Village reastaurant rooftops on a perfectly beautiful summer's day.

I went in to the South Hampton's art lover house to try and relax and ponder on my next step and see if might have better luck inside.

My hero to be was not remotely excited or interested. " I am afraid, not my dear SP. Do you see how white my white trouser suit is, how sparkling clean,suave and adorable I look at this very moment in this divine beachfront setting? Rescue a dog from a dirty East Village restaurant, not today my dear. Anyway the weather is perfect how can you even think of moving? Have another glass of champagne, your messenger dog will be fine for another day."

"OOOOh, so much for you. Don't you get it, you Dope, nothing fires up an SP more than a heroic man ready to drop everything to save the day and take part in a dramatic rescue mission, plus NYC is full of dry cleaners in case you had not noticed. Just you stay all crisp , white, perfect and LONELY then, you looser, see ya. By the way the pink socks is just overkill." See last picture SP readers and fashionistas and spot pink socks fashion faux pax.

I visited an open house designed by a famous architect in South Hampton and asked this chappy dressed in white if he wanted to add his skills to my rescue mission in the city.

Sagaponik Beach in Georgica Pond, next to Steven's Spielberg's house, seemed like a good a place as any to find another fierce doggy or a single Hamptons millionaire with a heart of gold who cares about dogs stranded on top of restaurants and is looking for a SP to spoil rotten. One has to multi task these days.

The clouds were a beautiful pink soft hue and the whole sky glowed a dusky peach rose color.

It was peaceful and still. It seemed like someone up there was listening to our prayers.

Carmel will be free soon for sure.

That night there was a very beautiful sunset on Long Beach, Sag Harbor.

Sasha and I did a quiet meditation and prayer for the safety and freedom of Carmel, my messenger dog.

Rocky said, " Ruff Ruff, count me in. Take me to Carmel, I will get him down in a jiffy, no one messes with Rocky."

Great, lucky I came to the beach to sunbathe, I mean to gather Doggy Warriors.